How to be a good employee?

[TinyDinos]

I’ve been fired twice now, once for a job I didn’t want but was forced into accepting, and one I kinda wanted but didn’t really love.

For context, my employer is my mom. We run a small business music school, and she has me doing every job position. About a year ago I was put in charge of the social accounts (I had just gotten sm for my 17th bday) and she asked if I wanted it, I said no, and she pressured me into accepting it by complaining about my lack or work ethic and how I’m lazy and never want to do work, so I just said yes. She fired me about 6months later because I wasn’t posting enough and she didn’t think I was taking it seriously, even though she was springing work on me at the last minute and expecting it posted by the end of the day, and just overall not really giving me a heads up, and left me to figure out how to use sm in the first place even though I’d never used it before. 

the next one was the logo. I like art, and I designed her business logo. She asked me about 3 months ago to redesign it so she can use it for merch and make tshirts with it. She was pushy about getting it done even though I work full time as a music teacher (also under her) and I am also a full time college student atm. She changed the design at least 8 times, about half of those edits being asked of me while I am quite literally just getting off of work, or in the middle of schoolwork.

Today is my first day of thanksgiving break, my first day in ages without homework or students, and she asks me to rework the logo AGAIN. I start reworking it and she looks over my shoulder while I’m doing it and tells me how she used a different program to “fix it” because the initial one I made wasn’t working. I rubbed my face and she started asking what was wrong and I told her that I’m frustrated because that means I have to switch to the other program and figure out the thing she asked me to do. She gave me this whole lecture, yelling at me about how in the real world nobody will ever want to work with me or hire me because I have an attitude issue and she wants to find somebody who will do it for her with a good attitude, but then asked me if I even want to do the project, and then demanded that I answer right that second and wouldn’t let me think about it. I said that atp I put so much time and work into it, I’m going to finish the project and she said she doesn’t want to work with me anymore and fired me.

im so sick of being lectured about how nobody will want to work with me and how I’m such a terrible employee, but I don’t know how to be a good employee. Every time I’m honest with her when she asks me a question she says I’m mover going to get work and that I’m going to get fired and I will never survive in the real world, but then I change my tactic and agree with her and just say yes to everything and I either get stuck in a job that I hate or she yells at me more saying she doesn’t need a robot to just Agee with her all of the time but she hates me when I disagree with her I don’t know what to do anymore. I fucking hate it here.

but I can’t leave because she pays me more than minimum wage and everywhere else isn’t hiring a 17 year old. Even if I wanted to get a stupid $16 an hour job at McDonald’s I can’t because I don’t have my car fixed yet. The stupid car that was supposed to be fixed for my birthday last year like my stepdad promised but STILL hasn’t fixed. And if I left my mom would make my home life a living hell. I just fucking hate everything. 

i just don’t even know what to do? Like how do you be a good employee and suck up without being a yes man is what I think I’m really trying to figure out. How do I be a better person, not lazy and shallow? 

[Lennie]

10 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I’ve been fired twice now, once for a job I didn’t want but was forced into accepting, and one I kinda wanted but didn’t really love.

For context, my employer is my mom. We run a small business music school, and she has me doing every job position. About a year ago I was put in charge of the social accounts (I had just gotten sm for my 17th bday) and she asked if I wanted it, I said no, and she pressured me into accepting it by complaining about my lack or work ethic and how I’m lazy and never want to do work, so I just said yes. She fired me about 6months later because I wasn’t posting enough and she didn’t think I was taking it seriously, even though she was springing work on me at the last minute and expecting it posted by the end of the day, and just overall not really giving me a heads up, and left me to figure out how to use sm in the first place even though I’d never used it before. 

the next one was the logo. I like art, and I designed her business logo. She asked me about 3 months ago to redesign it so she can use it for merch and make tshirts with it. She was pushy about getting it done even though I work full time as a music teacher (also under her) and I am also a full time college student atm. She changed the design at least 8 times, about half of those edits being asked of me while I am quite literally just getting off of work, or in the middle of schoolwork.

Today is my first day of thanksgiving break, my first day in ages without homework or students, and she asks me to rework the logo AGAIN. I start reworking it and she looks over my shoulder while I’m doing it and tells me how she used a different program to “fix it” because the initial one I made wasn’t working. I rubbed my face and she started asking what was wrong and I told her that I’m frustrated because that means I have to switch to the other program and figure out the thing she asked me to do. She gave me this whole lecture, yelling at me about how in the real world nobody will ever want to work with me or hire me because I have an attitude issue and she wants to find somebody who will do it for her with a good attitude, but then asked me if I even want to do the project, and then demanded that I answer right that second and wouldn’t let me think about it. I said that atp I put so much time and work into it, I’m going to finish the project and she said she doesn’t want to work with me anymore and fired me.

im so sick of being lectured about how nobody will want to work with me and how I’m such a terrible employee, but I don’t know how to be a good employee. Every time I’m honest with her when she asks me a question she says I’m mover going to get work and that I’m going to get fired and I will never survive in the real world, but then I change my tactic and agree with her and just say yes to everything and I either get stuck in a job that I hate or she yells at me more saying she doesn’t need a robot to just Agee with her all of the time but she hates me when I disagree with her I don’t know what to do anymore. I fucking hate it here.

but I can’t leave because she pays me more than minimum wage and everywhere else isn’t hiring a 17 year old. Even if I wanted to get a stupid $16 an hour job at McDonald’s I can’t because I don’t have my car fixed yet. The stupid car that was supposed to be fixed for my birthday last year like my stepdad promised but STILL hasn’t fixed. And if I left my mom would make my home life a living hell. I just fucking hate everything. 

i just don’t even know what to do? Like how do you be a good employee and suck up without being a yes man is what I think I’m really trying to figure out. How do I be a better person, not lazy and shallow? 

Hi @TinyDinos. This sounds like a particularly frustrating situation, and I really do sympathise with the challenge of having a demanding and (seemingly) unreasonable boss. Of course, it gets even more challenging because this is your mum, whom you also live with, and so any suggestion of quitting is going to have blowback for your home life.

Before I get to suggestions of what you could do about the job, I wanted to pick up on the framing you used in the last paragraph, where you asked how to be a better person and employee. Reading through your post, it's quite clear that you are doing your best under difficult circumstances (holding down a job while being a full-time student), and that your frustrations are understandable given the way your mum/boss is acting. So I would encourage you to pay attention to your instincts here and realise that your feelings are legitimate and reasonable, and in fact, it's her demands and comments that seem unreasonable. 

Nonetheless, when you fall out with someone close to you, it's easy to doubt yourself and think that maybe you are in the wrong. Having this concern is healthy and something worth exploring, because you may indeed be wrong at times. But please don't default to assuming this and internalising your mum's criticisms.

You're doing the right thing in seeking out other people's perspectives, but try to stay open to others' interpretations before labelling yourself as lazy or shallow. Just to reinforce this point, let's say you were to read this post and another DTL member wrote it, would you get the impression they are lazy and shallow? 

Your description of the job mirrors many bad jobs that others would recognise -- myself included -- where the boss is unreasonably demanding and criticising you without stopping to consider whether they might be the cause of some of the issues that are arising. The frustration really ramps up, though, when the power imbalance means that you can't say this, let alone discuss it.

The situation most people are then faced with is usually: 1) try to reason with your boss and come to an understanding based on more reasonable expectations, 2) failing that, try to accept that there is nothing you can do to change this and do whatever mental gymnastics you can to keep the job without getting upset, 3) quit and find a job where you feel more supported and appreciated. 

It seems like you may have to try option 1, and if that doesn't work try option 2 until option 3 becomes a possibility. Is that the sense you get, or do you see there being other options? If so, what might they be?

The unfortunate reality is that many people at some stage find themselves taking option 2, at least temporarily because options 1 and 3 aren't available to them, for one reason or another. However, some people end up getting stuck in option 2 longer than they need because they internalise that they are a bad employee rather than just being in a bad job.

That's the trap I really want to avoid you falling into, so try not to be so hard on yourself. It actually sounds as though you are doing well under difficult circumstances, so please be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

Let us know your thoughts and we can discuss options further (if you'd like).