Any tips on putting my self out their for dating & finding a girlfriend?

[pricelessppp]

Any tips on where I can meat people around their 20's & how do I actually know a person is single? Also how do I handle rejection & the friend-zone should I say nothing & walk away & cut contact? Also should I refuse ant chance I get a invite to be introduced to meet someone to hook-up & or to date & or a possible girlfriend? Also how do I answer the do you have a job & how you live line? Should I say I'm semi-retired & I live with my family? People usually walk up to every girl they see once & a while & ask them out right off the bat but I find that a bit stress full to me.

Edited December 12, 2018 by pricelessppp

[Willow]

Hey PricelessPPP,

 

It's hard to guess what kind of relationships people are in... I would suggest having a conversation about it. But if you go up to someone and ask if they're single, or taken, the person might assume that you're looking to hook up with them.

 

The "friend-zone" can be difficult to maneuver.. but I find that it's most hurtful there, when there are expectations and hopes that a person is attracted to you in the same way. If they want to be your friend, that's a really important relationship to be in-- I know I appreciate friendships.. but your attraction and feelings should be safe enough to acknowledge. If it hurts too much to be a friend, then create some boundaries. You don't have to cut them out completely, but how your friendship looks may need to change.

 

To be honest, I don't think there's actually that much success in guys going up to girls and asking them out right away. I guess it depends on the environment... but many people value building a connection with someone before moving toward anything that resembles dating.

 

Meeting people through a similar person has potential... but if it's making you feel uncomfortable, nothing is saying you have to do it. Your friends and family want the best for you-- but don't feel pressured to make anything out of the dates you're set up on!

 

Every question you've mentioned tends to be about building a conversation... they just want to get to know you and know how you spend your time. If you are confident with who you are and what your life looks like, the right person will see 'you', not just how your answers fit into their checklist.

 

... Cuz, already, the answers you've mentioned already create openings for deeper conversation. If they don't want to see past that, then they may have too many expectations. There's no point in trying to fit yourself into their expectations-- the only sustainable thing is for you to be you.

 

Let's visualize a scenario-- you've gone to the same coffeeshop over and over again... and every time you see a worker there. You enjoy their humor, and have had some nice conversations. You're attracted to them, and look forward to seeing them the next time. And you start wanting to know more about them-- you want to see who they are outside of their workplace. There's a couple things to take into consideration:

 

1) Has the interaction with this person been positive because they are providing customer service? Or are there signs that they might enjoy getting to know you outside of work hours, too?

 

2) Would you be okay if they didn't want to build a friendship outside of the workplace? Isn't it fair if they don't?

 

3) How you know this person is only in a work environment... you don't really know them. It probably wouldn't be best to ask them out on a proper date, or if they want to be your girlfriend until you've confirmed that you two enjoy each other in a more natural habitat.

 

It's important to be clear with your intention, and reduce your expectation. Relationships take time to grow, and it's more sustainable if there isn't pressure to decide on labels, right away. Make sure to communicate-- and give room for the other person to communicate, too! Not all communication is verbal... so be conscious of non-verbal cues, then help address them, so that any relationship is built on honesty.

 

This was a lot of information, but I hope it was helpful!

 

-willow