Dino’s Blog 2

[TinyDinos]

43 minutes ago, Lennie said:

Ahh, this is great news about the extension! Your professor sounds really nice. I'm sure they must recognise that you are a good student and want to help you. It must feel good to have their encouragement and support

Yeah she's awesome! I got really lucky with my professors this year for sure! I think she knows that it's kinda out of character for me to miss anything because I've been really on top of things all school year thus far. I'm so grateful she's being understanding

40 minutes ago, Lennie said:

It sounds as though you have come to a compromise that works for you, i.e. that you are willing to have a little contact with your biological dad if you can get to spend some time with your grandma and his gf. And if you are feeling good about it, then this sounds like a good move.

It's really nice to hear you feeling a little more positive today. 

Yes for sure! I'm still cordial and like polite w him because I don't want to be the kind of person who holds grudges yk. I'm just not like that. It'll be nice to get out of the house for a bit and not have to think about any responsibilities over there. 

It feels nice to feel more positive today haha. I slept in because I didn't have work and I think that helped. 

In other news, I also came out to my other sister as well. So now both of my younger sisters know. They're both accepting but we all agree I should NOT tell my mom I'm glad they know though. It was funny though because my sister was just like, laughing excitedly the whole time and just in general really excited for me and that doesn't usually happen :)

I think today has just been better than the past few weeks

[Megs-]

19 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

I think today has just been better than the past few weeks

So glad to hear, there’s so many good days to come, proud of you!

[Aurora]

15 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah she's awesome! I got really lucky with my professors this year for sure! I think she knows that it's kinda out of character for me to miss anything because I've been really on top of things all school year thus far. I'm so grateful she's being understanding

Yes for sure! I'm still cordial and like polite w him because I don't want to be the kind of person who holds grudges yk. I'm just not like that. It'll be nice to get out of the house for a bit and not have to think about any responsibilities over there. 

It feels nice to feel more positive today haha. I slept in because I didn't have work and I think that helped. 

In other news, I also came out to my other sister as well. So now both of my younger sisters know. They're both accepting but we all agree I should NOT tell my mom I'm glad they know though. It was funny though because my sister was just like, laughing excitedly the whole time and just in general really excited for me and that doesn't usually happen :)

I think today has just been better than the past few weeks

This all sounds really positive . It's great that you have such a good professor, who clearly believes in you. That can make a bid difference. Do you feel like you have enough time now to complete your assignment? 

And I am so pleased to hear that both your sister are being supportive. I can imagine that probably means a lot to you! Do you mind me asking, is your middle sister still living with your bio dad or has she moved back home with you and your mom and other sister? 

As @Megs- said, hopefully there are many more good days to come 

[Duckie]

16 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah she's awesome! I got really lucky with my professors this year for sure! I think she knows that it's kinda out of character for me to miss anything because I've been really on top of things all school year thus far. I'm so grateful she's being understanding

Yes for sure! I'm still cordial and like polite w him because I don't want to be the kind of person who holds grudges yk. I'm just not like that. It'll be nice to get out of the house for a bit and not have to think about any responsibilities over there. 

It feels nice to feel more positive today haha. I slept in because I didn't have work and I think that helped. 

In other news, I also came out to my other sister as well. So now both of my younger sisters know. They're both accepting but we all agree I should NOT tell my mom I'm glad they know though. It was funny though because my sister was just like, laughing excitedly the whole time and just in general really excited for me and that doesn't usually happen :)

I think today has just been better than the past few weeks

Hi @TinyDinos

I know @Aurorahas already replied to you but I am just popping in to say hi! And omg I am so excited that you were able to come out to your sisters! How did it make you feel? Where they supportive about it?

I am really proud of you

[TinyDinos]

21 hours ago, Megs- said:

So glad to hear, there’s so many good days to come, proud of you!

Awww thank you so much friend!!! I appreciate it! 🩷

[TinyDinos]

6 hours ago, Aurora said:

This all sounds really positive . It's great that you have such a good professor, who clearly believes in you. That can make a bid difference. Do you feel like you have enough time now to complete your assignment? 

And I am so pleased to hear that both your sister are being supportive. I can imagine that probably means a lot to you! Do you mind me asking, is your middle sister still living with your bio dad or has she moved back home with you and your mom and other sister? 

As @Megs- said, hopefully there are many more good days to come 

I do! I have until Monday at 10:45am to get it done so I feel much better about it!

It does mean a lot to me. I think they've always suspected tbh and that made it easier. My sister came back home, but she said she wants to be with my bio dad every other weekend.

I hope I can have more good days too. I'm so tired of things being so hard yk

[TinyDinos]

5 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @TinyDinos

I know @Aurorahas already replied to you but I am just popping in to say hi! And omg I am so excited that you were able to come out to your sisters! How did it make you feel? Where they supportive about it?

I am really proud of you

Omgggg!!! Hi Duckie! <3 

I felt mostly relieved to be honest

The older of the two got it spoiled so I was just glad she accepted me and didn't tell my mom. The youngest was making jokes about it and I decided to take the lighthearted opportunity. She was kind of in shock, then laughing bc she was right lol. She was so happy I trusted her. I'm really happy it went well.

[AshtonBeach]

Hiya Dino I know we haven't really talked but how are you?

[Megs-]

42 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Awww thank you so much friend!!! I appreciate it! 🩷

I have and always will care about you, you’re showing how incredibly strong you’re being throughout your lows and highs of life, you’re not alone in this we’re here fighting this with you by your side, always a message away

[Duckie]

2 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Omgggg!!! Hi Duckie! <3 

I felt mostly relieved to be honest

The older of the two got it spoiled so I was just glad she accepted me and didn't tell my mom. The youngest was making jokes about it and I decided to take the lighthearted opportunity. She was kind of in shock, then laughing bc she was right lol. She was so happy I trusted her. I'm really happy it went well.

You and your sisters are so close I love it. It sounds like you grew a strong bond from your experiences, whereas it can make some siblings drift apart, so I am really happy for you all that you have each other. 

Would you like to come out to your mom at some point or would you rather bot? No pressure of course, I'm just curious anyway, it is incredible that you have told your sisters

[TinyDinos]

On 10/24/2024 at 9:45 AM, AshtonBeach said:

Hiya Dino I know we haven't really talked but how are you?

Hiya, nice to meet you! (Unless we've already met, in which case pardon my memory I'm the worst when it comes to remembering people ) 

I'm okay, tired but going through the motions You?

[TinyDinos]

On 10/24/2024 at 9:49 AM, Megs- said:

I have and always will care about you, you’re showing how incredibly strong you’re being throughout your lows and highs of life, you’re not alone in this we’re here fighting this with you by your side, always a message away

🩷️

[TinyDinos]

22 hours ago, Duckie said:

You and your sisters are so close I love it. It sounds like you grew a strong bond from your experiences, whereas it can make some siblings drift apart, so I am really happy for you all that you have each other. 

Would you like to come out to your mom at some point or would you rather bot? No pressure of course, I'm just curious anyway, it is incredible that you have told your sisters

Yeah I love them more than anything! They really are my best friends and the most important people to me, so I'm really grateful for our bond too.

I would love to but I can't. My mom is incredibly homophobic I don't think it'd be safe to right now while.im still entirely dependent on her. I'm happy with telling my sisters now though <3

[TinyDinos]

Update on the breakup drama: 

She's left me on read since Monday

[Lennie]

6 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Update on the breakup drama: 

She's left me on read since Monday

Hi @TinyDinos -- I'm sorry to hear that.  How are you doing? Do you feel that there are still certain things that you'd like to say to, or hear from, her in order for you to have closure? Or are you focusing on just moving past this now and looking forward?

[TinyDinos]

4 hours ago, Lennie said:

Hi @TinyDinos -- I'm sorry to hear that.  How are you doing? Do you feel that there are still certain things that you'd like to say to, or hear from, her in order for you to have closure? Or are you focusing on just moving past this now and looking forward?

I mean, I kind of want her to acknowledge what I said, like and I do/don't agree with what you said kind of scenario so I can at least like, understand what's going through her mind. I also kind of want clarity. I want to know, is she taking a break before trying to be friends or nah? Is she ghosting me? Like I just want to know

And it sucks bc I tried so hard to put effort into being nice and considering her feelings, just for her to once again, only care about herself

I'd rather a text saying to never message her again, or even to be blocked, but she didn't do that. She just left me on read for 1/3 of my messages, and then blocked me from her stories, not from her page so I can still see her posts and text her

I suppose it boils down to me wanting clarity 

But I know she won't do that so I'm trying to not let it bother me if that makes sense

[TinyDinos]

DAMN OKAY NEVERMIND-

She updated her profile picture to her and the other girl kissing her

It's been 10 days.

I'm that replaceable.

Wow.

[TinyDinos]

I'll be okay, I'm just kinda reeling from that.

On a lighter note I get to watch Coraline in the movie theater tonight so I guess I'll be looking forward to that.

[TinyDinos]

Coraline was awesome in the theater, I had a good time. I got only 4 hours of sleep though so I'm exhausted. I have a worship conference to play for my church this morning  

I'm pissed because my sister isn't being cooperative. She doesn't listen and makes things harder on everyone else. It's her authority issues. And while i get what we've been through is hard, I never behave the way she does and it feels so unfair that she gets to be a total bitch to everyone else and largely get away with it, meanwhile when im upset and overstimulated and reply slightly snippier than usual all hell breaks loose and I'm this horrible person all of a sudden. I'm so sick of having to put up with everyone else's shitty attitudes and then be treated like a selfish jerk as soon as I make one move that isn't all "omg I'm so happy to be alive rn and I'm so grateful to everyone for everything i have lalalalala" literally I'm not allowed to get upset.

I'll get over it, just silently seething rn.

[TinyDinos]

My ex is ignoring my texts on purpose

I’ll get over it

[Luie]

 

It sounds to me like so much of what’s been going on really just comes down to wanting clarity and respect for what you're going through @TinyDinos After all, you’ve put in so much thoughtfulness and effort to consider others’ feelings, especially your ex's. Having her only think of her own needs now, after everything, makes it all the harder to process and move forward. It’s understandable that it feels unfair, especially when a direct response would give you some closure and let you start to heal, even if it was just a straightforward "don't message me." Not being clear with you, especially after you were honest and considerate, sounds really draining. How she handled the breakup and her sudden move-on—it feels like that left you reeling, too. Seeing her move on so quickly would make anyone feel like, “Was I even that important to her?” That’s really painful.

And with your sister, it’s exhausting having to constantly stay calm and polite while it feels like she’s given a pass to act out. You’re holding so much together already, and it’s hard to have patience left over when it feels like everyone expects you to be the “strong one” who can handle it all. I can imagine it’s exhausting always being the one who doesn’t "get" to be upset or frustrated, even when you really need that release.

Despite it all, you’re showing a lot of resilience. You’re not letting the silence or mixed signals stop you from moving forward, like enjoying the night at the theatre. And it’s good you had something fun like Coraline to look forward to; small positives can help keep us going even when things feel especially rough.

How are you feeling after the worship conference and everything? It sounds like you’ve had very little rest, and I wonder if there’s any chance you might have even a short break just for you.

 

[TinyDinos]

Today I turned 18. I feel like I'm mourning the death of a childhood I never had. Leaving a piece of me behind that never really belonged to me. Abandoning her.

It hurts. But at the same time I feel so detached? I can't help but wish that I could wake up and realize it was all a dream, that maybe, just maybe things were the way they were before. That I'm just a kid waking up from a nap, my back warmed by the afternoon sunshine, unburdened by any of the weight that life has placed squarely on my shoulders.

But that'll never happen. This isn't a dream. It's reality. And time marches on, indifferent to whether or not I'm ready. Will I ever really be ready?

I often think that if I waited until I was ready, then it would never happen. Thats life.

On a lighter note I feel a tad triumphant. Once upon many a-times I didn't think I'd make it to 18. I'm an adult now. I made it. I've mucked it out just enough to be here today. Breathing. Feeling. Being.

If I'd told 12 year old me that we made it she would cry. If I told 14 year old me that we made it she wouldn't believe me. If i told 16 year old me that we made it she'd laugh. A hollow, empty sound. One of defeat. Almost mockingly. But 18 year old me knows. I made it. I'm still here. Despite everything. 

I did it.

But now what's next? 

I'm no longer shiny and new, in old news, expired before I've even done anything worthwhile. What do I do when the thoughts creep back in? When the whispers and chiding voices become a focal point? I no longer have a goal because I've reached it. Where do I go next? When I wish to dissappear what do I tell myself I'm fighting for? 

Only time can tell i think.

It just keeps marching on and on

[TinyDinos]

Pardon my bittersweet musings. It's 2am where I'm at, so technically my birthday was yesterday. This week has been incredibly taxing and draining, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I'm going to get some sleep

[Luie]

9 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Pardon my bittersweet musings. It's 2am where I'm at, so technically my birthday was yesterday. This week has been incredibly taxing and draining, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I'm going to get some sleep

A very happppy birthday (belated)! Please do get some sleep, and know we are here so if you wanna taking about the week once you're up feel free to do so. 

 

[Mestizo]

Happy belated birthday!!!