Kay Posted December 6, 2018 Share Posted December 6, 2018 me and my girlfriend have been together for almost a month. I’m bisexual she’s gay and we are great together but none of our families know. If I have to sneak around to go on dates and make up excuses to get away with it then how do we keep making it work. A secret like this is hard to keep especially when your mom wasn’t to set you up with all these boys. Neither one of our families know our sexuality either. They think we are both straight. So I just don’t know what to do I love her and I want my family to know and love her as well but they don’t know. I can’t tell them they will probably kick me out. How do I keep the relationship working if I have to keep sneaking around. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 Hi Kay! Welcome! It sounds liike you're making the best decision not to tell your family... Your safety is key! What makes you think they will kick you out? I want to remind you that the only reason your family would respond like that is out of their own fear. Who you're attracted to, and who you might be in love with is not a problem to solve, ever. Do you think there would ever be a time when you could share it with your family? I'm sure you would like to be able to bring your girlfriend to dinner, and such! Does your family, at least, know her as your friend? In a way, you're forced to be in a long-distance type relationship... where a majority of your contact is, probably, digital. It sucks to be stuck in that position for awhile, but it's just another relationship obstacle to overcome. There are many! It's good to talk about hopes for the relationship, vs. expectations. Expectations can really hurt a relationship, if there isn't communication. Maybe you two can have a set plan for seeing each other, and/or talking on the phone-- something that will help you continue to grow your relationship, but won't create tension in your family. -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted December 7, 2018 Author Share Posted December 7, 2018 I think they would kick me out because I’m going directly against their beliefs. Me and her both decided that if we were still together in a year we would tell our families. That doesn’t make it any less scary. I see her at school everyday and sometimes we hang out with a group but never one on one. We do talk a lot on the phone. I would love to bring her to dinner. And yes my parents are aware that we are friends. They are also aware of her sexuality. They have never personally met them unless you count over the phone just a quick hi. But we have communicated and talked about our intentions. If we try to go out we have to make excuses and what we are doing along with a ride cuz neither of us drive. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Hey Jay, I'm so sorry that you feel they would kick you out. I do think that seeing how the relationships goes before potentially affecting your living situation is safe. I'm glad you get to see your girlfriend at school, every day! But I totally understand that you'd like to be more open about your relationship exploration. Do you two show each other affection at school? Why don't you hang out one on one? What are some things you like to go do together? -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted December 12, 2018 Author Share Posted December 12, 2018 Yes we do show affection at school as much as we can without it being weird to people we hug and lay with each other sometimes cuddle if there are few people we kiss each other on the cheek as well. We love to read and just be with each other we wanted to go on a double date once but the other couple who was going with us got into a fight so that didn’t work out now it’s chr break so I don’t get to see her for a month after tomorrow. When at home we text we call each other babe and stuff we send goodnight and good morning text as well. I’m texting her now actually and we r trying to figure out a way to tell my parents while being safe but it’s a little hard would you happen to have any ideas? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted December 12, 2018 Author Share Posted December 12, 2018 Hanging out one on one doesn’t usually happen because at school we have a group of friends that all get out the same time we do they are always around MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willow Posted December 12, 2018 Share Posted December 12, 2018 Hey Jay! I'm glad you've been able to grow the levels of closeness in your relationship.. but I totally understand wanting to keep that up! You don't want it to plateau where it's at. Here's this article we created on helping a person coming out as bi: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/13-tips-coming-out-bisexual/ And, here's some tips on resolving conflict: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/speak-anyone-anything-conflict-resolution/ I think the most success comes from approaching the subject lightly. Give them information and time to process. Remind them that this doesn't have to change your relationship with them... and that you hope for their support because you care about having a healthy relationship with them. -willow MultiQuote Quote This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay Posted December 12, 2018 Author Share Posted December 12, 2018 Thank you MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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