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Mom jut found out


Chant    

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Hey guys... So my girlfriend & I have been together for about 7 months. We are half way out, half way hidden mainly because her mother doesn't agree with her being a lesbian. 

She asked her directly are we together & my girlfriend has replied yes.

She is extremely homophobic & this is very hard on my girlfriend.

Please help...

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56 minutes ago, Chant said:

Hey guys... So my girlfriend & I have been together for about 7 months. We are half way out, half way hidden mainly because her mother doesn't agree with her being a lesbian. 

She asked her directly are we together & my girlfriend has replied yes.

She is extremely homophobic & this is very hard on my girlfriend.

Please help...

Hi there, I noticed that you are new here so I wanted to start off by saying welcome to the community! It's lovely to have you here 🙂. I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. This is a really open, welcoming and supportive community. Just to let you know that if you ever want to talk about anything in private then you can send us a confidential support request. Just click on the confidential support request at the top of the page.  

Thanks for letting us know what's been going on. I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriends mother is extremely homophobic. I can imagine that this must be very hard on your girlfriend, like you said. Do you mind me asking if your girlfriend is safe at home, now that her mother knows? Maybe you could suggest to her that she joins our community so we can support her directly. What do you think? 

I can imagine that this must be hard for you as well. Can I ask how you are feeling?  We're here for you. 

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Hey Aurora, I really appreciate you coming back to me. I will ask her to get in touch with you. Yes, she is safe, they are a tight knit family & won't just abandon her. But I am afraid that in light of the circumstances I don't know how this will affect our relationship. It is hard for me as it is for her but I am breathing through it. My main concern is how we handle this going forward, after the so to say 'dust' has settled. 

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7 minutes ago, Chant said:

Hey Aurora, I really appreciate you coming back to me. I will ask her to get in touch with you. Yes, she is safe, they are a tight knit family & won't just abandon her. But I am afraid that in light of the circumstances I don't know how this will affect our relationship. It is hard for me as it is for her but I am breathing through it. My main concern is how we handle this going forward, after the so to say 'dust' has settled. 

Hi there, I can totally understand, why you are concerned. It's difficult for you, because you're probably not part of the conversations she is having with her family. Is that right? In that case you don't know, what they are saying and if her family are trying to influence her in any way. I think the fact that they are a tight knit family might be a good thing though. I'm assuming this means that her mother ultimately wants her to be happy. Even if her mother didn't react well initially, with time, her views might change and she will hopefully accept your girlfriend for who she is. The strong love parents have for their children can often help to transform their views. What do you think? Also, can you think of any advantages of her family knowing that you two are in a relationship?  

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As far as I know the rest of her family is semi okay with it & a lot of them did know. I doubt if they will be able to influence her but there is always a chance I guess... She is very strong so I believe she will stand her ground. Everyone says time will change things... I truly hope so. There is a lot of advantages, it would change the whole dynamic of our relationship if we could be freely out & freely us & love each other freely, not just in private. Also it would take a lot of strain off both our mental health. I am a severe depression & anxiety sufferer & she loves to overthink so we always had a challenge in hiding our true selves when around her family because it brought an element of being untrue to each other even in our private lives, which caused a lot of strain & overthinking & led to arguments. So I would say that the biggest advantage is us, just being us, without hiding it. It would make so many things easier....

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On 6/9/2023 at 3:32 PM, Chant said:

As far as I know the rest of her family is semi okay with it & a lot of them did know. I doubt if they will be able to influence her but there is always a chance I guess... She is very strong so I believe she will stand her ground. Everyone says time will change things... I truly hope so. There is a lot of advantages, it would change the whole dynamic of our relationship if we could be freely out & freely us & love each other freely, not just in private. Also it would take a lot of strain off both our mental health. I am a severe depression & anxiety sufferer & she loves to overthink so we always had a challenge in hiding our true selves when around her family because it brought an element of being untrue to each other even in our private lives, which caused a lot of strain & overthinking & led to arguments. So I would say that the biggest advantage is us, just being us, without hiding it. It would make so many things easier....

Hi there, sorry for the delay in my reply. I'm not online over the weekend. That's great to hear that your girlfriend is strong and that you think she'll stand her ground. It's good to trust our instinct in those situations.

It sounds like there are loads of advantages to her family knowing. And I think the biggest advantage you mentioned is a really powerful one, too. I would imagine that it'll make a big difference to how you feel - not only within your relationship but also how you feel about yourselves. As you said, it will make a big difference if you no longer feel like you need to hide who you are but you can live your life authentically and be who you truly are. Thinking about it all a bit more, how do you feel about it now?  And how is your girlfriend doing, if you don't mind me asking? 

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I am glad to hear you guys take a break over weekends. I can think that it becomes overwhelming to always be a listening ear to everyone around you, especially on a platform like this. She is doing better, they haven't discussed it further after all the 'I am dissapointed, it's wrong' conversations took place. I am also a bit better. I am still worried about how everything is going to pan out in the end but the inital shock has gone now so I can think a bit more logically. Everything you have said has also carried me a long way & I am super appreciative of that.

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You're very welcome. We're always here for you if you need us. And thank you, that's very kind, what you said about taking a break. We work different shifts so some of the support mentors do work over the weekend (but not me). We try and make sure that there is as much support on here as possible. If you ever want support and I'm not online then you can always start a new thread and one of the other support mentors should be able to get back to you. 

I'm glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. I think all the advantages you listed are really important points - hopefully with time, you and your girlfriend will see this as a positive thing for your relationship. What do you think? Also, do you mind me asking, if there is anything in particular you are worried about? 

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