Dino’s Blog(?) 🦕

[TinyDinos]

I saw that Ways made one of these and thought it’d be fun so I decided to copy her >:3

Anyways, I cleaned my room on Monday, finished my last three weeks of Spanish yesterday and took my finals this morning. Another step closer to Summer! Whether that’s a good or bad thing I don’t know, but for now I’ll just let light be light

I also mustered up enough energy to wash my hair, so now I’m in a weird mood where I’m still physically out of it but doing pretty fine mentally. I feel confident and seggsy as fu rn and I’m kinda liking it

I’m dreading cleaning the kitchen today but I have to. I also have to finally put that advice I got to good use because I can’t procrastinate on my papers anymore

but it’s nice to be doing okay for a change y’know? I think it’s good to talk about good things. It’s great and all to vent and have support in those dark times, but it’s also nice to celebrate milestones together, however small they are.

[Equivalent Ways]

2 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I saw that Ways made one of these and thought it’d be fun so I decided to copy her >:3

Anyways, I cleaned my room on Monday, finished my last three weeks of Spanish yesterday and took my finals this morning. Another step closer to Summer! Whether that’s a good or bad thing I don’t know, but for now I’ll just let light be light

I also mustered up enough energy to wash my hair, so now I’m in a weird mood where I’m still physically out of it but doing pretty fine mentally. I feel confident and seggsy as fu rn and I’m kinda liking it

I’m dreading cleaning the kitchen today but I have to. I also have to finally put that advice I got to good use because I can’t procrastinate on my papers anymore

but it’s nice to be doing okay for a change y’know? I think it’s good to talk about good things. It’s great and all to vent and have support in those dark times, but it’s also nice to celebrate milestones together, however small they are.

hey! haha!

I am very glad that you share your accomplishments here, I will try doing that, it is very easy to focus only on the negative. And frankly, it is really great to hear that you are doing well gfu for you and all your good feels

So, great job Dino

[TinyDinos]

A thought:

people love upgrades. I mean who wouldn’t? A step up from the last item you had. 

The realization that I have come to is that I keep getting upgraded. 

And not in the sense that I am bettering and biggering and improving. I myself am not upgrading. I’m still a garbage level one piece of crap. I am being upgraded.

anywhere in others’ lives I stand, they outgrow me and then upgrade, they get the next thing up. My mom got two more daughters. My dad literally moved away to be with another daughter who belongs to someone else. My friends all talk to other people, better people. People who are worthwhile. What happens to that level one item? It gets discarded. It gets thrown away in favor of something else. 

and the worst part is that I took damage. I gave myself away to these people, hoping that they would reciprocate but everyone just takes what they need and go. Why would I be special? It’s my fault they left anyways, 

Since I’m the problem, naturally I should be the solution as well. How do I fix this? Don’t have problems. If I’m struggling I’ll be left behind, even if I burn out it’ll be worth it. I’ll try that. Maybe if I’m not so selfish I can actually help people. What kind of sick person only cares about themselves and nobody else? Me apparently. Another way I’m just like him. Ah how bittersweet it is to become the person I hate most other than myself. I wish I had a different father.

Edited May 25 by TinyDinos

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, TinyDinos said:

A thought:

people love upgrades. I mean who wouldn’t? A step up from the last item you had. 

The realization that I have come to is that I keep getting upgraded. 

And not in the sense that I am bettering and biggering and improving. I myself am not upgrading. I’m still a garbage level one piece of crap. I am being upgraded.

anywhere in others’ lives I stand, they outgrow me and then upgrade, they get the next thing up. My mom got two more daughters. My dad literally moved away to be with another daughter who belongs to someone else. My friends all talk to other people, better people. People who are worthwhile. What happens to that level one item? It gets discarded. It gets thrown away in favor of something else. 

and the worst part is that I took damage. I gave myself away to these people, hoping that they would reciprocate but everyone just takes what they need and go. Why would I be special? It’s my fault they left anyways, 

Since I’m the problem, naturally I should be the solution as well. How do I fix this? Don’t have problems. If I’m struggling I’ll be left behind, even if I burn out it’ll be worth it. I’ll try that. Maybe if I’m not so selfish I can actually help people. What kind of sick person only cares about themselves and nobody else? Me apparently. Another way I’m just like him. Ah how bittersweet it is to become the person I hate most other than myself. I wish I had a different father.

Damn, your a stick.

your a stick, and I love sticks, I have outgrown them before (ya some turned into firewood but we won’t talk about that rn) but I still have them cuz I love them.

I like sticking with the sticks :D thank you, I know that was a pun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and in this game of life, let’s just have a level 1000 stick haha! Who needs swords anyway? Or we can have both! 
 

think about it, you have not even met everyone who will love you yet ;) and actually, the most important thing is that you stick with yourself, cuz u r u.

[TinyDinos]

5 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Damn, your a stick.

your a stick, and I love sticks, I have outgrown them before (ya some turned into firewood but we won’t talk about that rn) but I still have them cuz I love them.

I like sticking with the sticks :D thank you, I know that was a pun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and in this game of life, let’s just have a level 1000 stick haha! Who needs swords anyway? Or we can have both! 
 

think about it, you have not even met everyone who will love you yet ;) and actually, the most important thing is that you stick with yourself, cuz u r u.

That’s what sucks. I don’t wanna stick with me 

[Equivalent Ways]

39 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

That’s what sucks. I don’t wanna stick with me 

But you are anyway? Might as well make it a place you enjoy?

[Catsup]

4 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

A thought:

people love upgrades. I mean who wouldn’t? A step up from the last item you had. 

The realization that I have come to is that I keep getting upgraded. 

And not in the sense that I am bettering and biggering and improving. I myself am not upgrading. I’m still a garbage level one piece of crap. I am being upgraded.

anywhere in others’ lives I stand, they outgrow me and then upgrade, they get the next thing up. My mom got two more daughters. My dad literally moved away to be with another daughter who belongs to someone else. My friends all talk to other people, better people. People who are worthwhile. What happens to that level one item? It gets discarded. It gets thrown away in favor of something else. 

and the worst part is that I took damage. I gave myself away to these people, hoping that they would reciprocate but everyone just takes what they need and go. Why would I be special? It’s my fault they left anyways, 

Since I’m the problem, naturally I should be the solution as well. How do I fix this? Don’t have problems. If I’m struggling I’ll be left behind, even if I burn out it’ll be worth it. I’ll try that. Maybe if I’m not so selfish I can actually help people. What kind of sick person only cares about themselves and nobody else? Me apparently. Another way I’m just like him. Ah how bittersweet it is to become the person I hate most other than myself. I wish I had a different father.

Hey @TinyDinos I'm sorry to hear you're in such a difficult place.  You don't deserve to feel left behind like that.  You deserve joy because I believe you have done a lot for other people.  You mentioned you only care about yourself and I wonder if considering how badly you're feeling, maybe you need to take extra care of yourself?  Sometimes when we're in the depths of depression or any mental health problem, we focus on ourselves, and I think that's one of the most important things you can do for yourself right now.

I'm glad you're reaching out here.  Where else can you reach out to make sure you're being taken care of too?

[TinyDinos]

5 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

But you are anyway? Might as well make it a place you enjoy?

A waste of space is the answer I’ve come to. It’s really the only one that makes sense to me and just fits y’know? It feels right, and in a sick way kind of relaxes me to understand why people hate me if that makes sense.

[TinyDinos]

2 hours ago, Catsup said:

Hey @TinyDinos I'm sorry to hear you're in such a difficult place.  You don't deserve to feel left behind like that.  You deserve joy because I believe you have done a lot for other people.  You mentioned you only care about yourself and I wonder if considering how badly you're feeling, maybe you need to take extra care of yourself?  Sometimes when we're in the depths of depression or any mental health problem, we focus on ourselves, and I think that's one of the most important things you can do for yourself right now.

I'm glad you're reaching out here.  Where else can you reach out to make sure you're being taken care of too?

I get that, I just feel bad about taking time for myself so I try not to do that too much since I usually feel worse afterwards. After all if I’m wasting time on me, I’m wasting an opportunity to help someone else who needs it more. When I focus on myself I just get worse. 

I can’t really talk anywhere else. My parents don’t get it at all. My dad and almost-stepmom aren’t in the picture, and my live-in parents don’t get it/think I’m just being a moody teenager. I’m homeschooled so there’s no teachers or counsellors (not that I’d trust them anyways) and I don’t have any friends other than like one person on here that I semi-consistently talk to. I’m pretty isolated I’ve noticed.

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, TinyDinos said:

A waste of space is the answer I’ve come to. It’s really the only one that makes sense to me and just fits y’know? It feels right, and in a sick way kind of relaxes me to understand why people hate me if that makes sense.

omg the way you refer to yourself makes me sadge People really messed with you huh? Cuz that is indeed a messed up idea lol. you are looking for things that make sense, and if they validate your (negative) thoughts then it would feel kinda 'good'

Lol we are both addicts, I am working out of it, but we are addicted to these through patterns and brain-juice-chemical concoctions.  And I personally can't stand it anymore even though they 'helped' get me here.

Oh I don't hate you btw :)

[Catsup]

20 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I get that, I just feel bad about taking time for myself so I try not to do that too much since I usually feel worse afterwards. After all if I’m wasting time on me, I’m wasting an opportunity to help someone else who needs it more. When I focus on myself I just get worse. 

I can’t really talk anywhere else. My parents don’t get it at all. My dad and almost-stepmom aren’t in the picture, and my live-in parents don’t get it/think I’m just being a moody teenager. I’m homeschooled so there’s no teachers or counsellors (not that I’d trust them anyways) and I don’t have any friends other than like one person on here that I semi-consistently talk to. I’m pretty isolated I’ve noticed.

Being isolated can be really damaging for mental health and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling these ways.  I know what you mean by focusing on yourself making things worse.  Sometimes when we're depressed and too deep in our own heads, it can be really unpleasant. 

You mentioned your live-in parents think you're just moody.  If you were to explain to them how you're struggling, do you think they would listen?  It might help too, to see a professional such as your doctor or a therapist, which maybe you could also talk to your parents about too.  What do you think about starting with looking for the help?  You definitely deserve to be supported.