My Thoughts on Power

[Equivalent Ways]

Hey, i needed to just speak somewhere I was re visiting some power abuse trauma, of when I was in school and they brought in a search dog, we had to stop everything we were doing and step outside, and we could not see in. they did not find anything, but the damage was done. they treated us like we were prison inmates, before they even fund any possible evidence. And.. we could not say no. They just want compliance.

Did anyone else experienced something like this? in any part of life?

But I find it an abuse of power, just like my dad, or others in my life. The craziest part is that everyone else acts like it is normal, makes me feel crazy cuz that is not normal!

I'm not trying to break/push rules, but I have humble observations and confusion

 

“Although the masters make the rules for the wise men and the fools, I’ve got nothing, Ma, to live up to.” -Bob Dylan

 

 

[Catsup]

39 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hey, i needed to just speak somewhere I was re visiting some power abuse trauma, of when I was in school and they brought in a search dog, we had to stop everything we were doing and step outside, and we could not see in. they did not find anything, but the damage was done. they treated us like we were prison inmates, before they even fund any possible evidence. And.. we could not say no. They just want compliance.

Did anyone else experienced something like this? in any part of life?

But I find it an abuse of power, just like my dad, or others in my life. The craziest part is that everyone else acts like it is normal, makes me feel crazy cuz that is not normal!

I'm not trying to break/push rules, but I have humble observations and confusion

“Although the masters make the rules for the wise men and the fools, I’ve got nothing, Ma, to live up to.” -Bob Dylan

Hey there, it's unfortunate that in many situations people abuse their power, whether intentional or not.  Do you want to talk at all about how that applies to your dad? (No need to share that part if you don't want to).

I have experienced myself, surprisingly in the healthcare field, being treated like that!  It's interesting how all these helping professions (whether it's healthcare or police), can have a sense of authority that can be abused.   Has anything triggered this for you recently?

 

[Equivalent Ways]

28 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Hey there, it's unfortunate that in many situations people abuse their power, whether intentional or not.  Do you want to talk at all about how that applies to your dad? (No need to share that part if you don't want to).

I have experienced myself, surprisingly in the healthcare field, being treated like that!  It's interesting how all these helping professions (whether it's healthcare or police), can have a sense of authority that can be abused.   Has anything triggered this for you recently?

Yeah Im fine talking about it some more :) thanks. My dad just thought that cuz we were kids and cuz he had more power over us that he chose to abuse it and abuse us, tsk. My mom went through cancer(its a whole story tbh) and I don't talk about it a lot.. But she survived it, and she was so stubborn to get good nurses and doctors, tbh I don't really know how she did it, but she still encountered nasty people! Its horrible really, so I am sorry to hear you have experienced something like that too

Yeah it was triggered by something recently, im just a little nervous/ not sure if I can share it.

I'm also not really sure how to speak clearly about my dad's power abuse.. its kinda hard to explain I guess

[TinyDinos]

16 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Yeah Im fine talking about it some more :) thanks. My dad just thought that cuz we were kids and cuz he had more power over us that he chose to abuse it and abuse us, tsk. My mom went through cancer(its a whole story tbh) and I don't talk about it a lot.. But she survived it, and she was so stubborn to get good nurses and doctors, tbh I don't really know how she did it, but she still encountered nasty people! Its horrible really, so I am sorry to hear you have experienced something like that too

Yeah it was triggered by something recently, im just a little nervous/ not sure if I can share it.

I'm also not really sure how to speak clearly about my dad's power abuse.. its kinda hard to explain I guess

This is exactly what it’s like with my dad.

I think he’s borderline narcissistic, but his whole deal is “I’m the adult, I’m not your equal, you do what I say because I’m your father and you have to respect me. 

I think that a lot of my discomfort with people is hinged on that word because morally I know respect isn’t whatever twisted and distorted idea my dad had for it (and I even called him out on it once, I told him what he was looking for wasn’t respect, but rather submission) but I still feel meek when given a direct command because of that experience.

17 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hey, i needed to just speak somewhere I was re visiting some power abuse trauma, of when I was in school and they brought in a search dog, we had to stop everything we were doing and step outside, and we could not see in. they did not find anything, but the damage was done. they treated us like we were prison inmates, before they even fund any possible evidence. And.. we could not say no. They just want compliance.

Did anyone else experienced something like this? in any part of life?

But I find it an abuse of power, just like my dad, or others in my life. The craziest part is that everyone else acts like it is normal, makes me feel crazy cuz that is not normal!

I'm not trying to break/push rules, but I have humble observations and confusion

“Although the masters make the rules for the wise men and the fools, I’ve got nothing, Ma, to live up to.” -Bob Dylan

I experienced stuff like this especially with my dad. The most notable of these examples are these:

1. The time when we were visiting his apartment at the time and he got mad at us and was being scary so we called our mom and begged her to pick us up. He brought us outside of the apartment complex and made us stand in the side of the road to wait for her. Mind you, this was at night, at it was about 30 degrees f outside and my sister was in a tank top and pj shorts. He also demanded I text my mom every two minutes to see how far away she was and I had to just listen because we were stuck with him. He also didn’t allow me to come ack after that saying that my sisters could but I couldn’t and that it was because it was his house and not ours.

2. When he came into my room, took a bunch of things out of my closet, threw it all over my bedroom floor and demanded that my sisters and I clean it all up and said we weren’t allowed to go to sleep until we did. We had school in the morning (we were going in person at the time) was about midnight when my mom came into the room and asked why we were still awake. We explained and she sent us to bed, argued with my dad about it, and after she left to her room, my dad came back and told us to keep cleaning and if we make noise for our mom to come into the room or tell her that we’re still up, that he would throw away all of our belongings.

And last but most certainly not least, 3. When my 7 y/o sister (at the time) accidentally dropped a glass cup and it broke so he said since she broke it she had to clean it- on her bare hands and knees. She wasn’t allowed to use a broom, get her shoes, ask for help etc. and she had never cleaned glass before. And it’s not like she threw it or anything, it was in every way, shape, and form, an accident. That time I stood up to him and said no that she wasn’t doing that and cleaned it myself while he yelled at me saying that she has to do what he says because he’s her father. 
 
those are only a few of the countless times the abuse stemmed from “bUt i’M yOuR FaThEr” or “yOu hAvE tO Do wHaT i sAy”. It’s really sad.

[Hazard]

16 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Yeah Im fine talking about it some more :) thanks. My dad just thought that cuz we were kids and cuz he had more power over us that he chose to abuse it

Yeah, my mom does that too. We get into an argument and she argues that she's in the right because she's the adult. I know you've probably experienced it to a higher level, so I'm sorry about that...

[TinyDinos]

4 minutes ago, SCARE said:

Yeah, my mom does that too. We get into an argument and she argues that she's in the right because she's the adult. I know you've probably experienced it to a higher level, so I'm sorry about that...

Yeah I feel that. It’s also w my dad. I posted about it alr but it has to be moderated

[Equivalent Ways]

31 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah I feel that. It’s also w my dad. I posted about it alr but it has to be moderated

alright I will keep an eye out,

My dad just wanted dolls and we weren't just compliant dolls following his script and I kinda think he hated us for that. He(or any person who abuses power) thought we were just weaklings, and targets for their own troubles, how sad.

[Equivalent Ways]

38 minutes ago, SCARE said:

Yeah, my mom does that too. We get into an argument and she argues that she's in the right because she's the adult. I know you've probably experienced it to a higher level, so I'm sorry about that...

nah, its not a competition, I may have experienced it a lot but it is all not good. But what is like ur mom gonna do when ur an adult too? I personally (may not be for you) feel that they want me to be dependent on them so they can keep feeding off me and trying to gain that power over others :( no no no

[Catsup]

21 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Yeah Im fine talking about it some more :) thanks. My dad just thought that cuz we were kids and cuz he had more power over us that he chose to abuse it and abuse us, tsk. My mom went through cancer(its a whole story tbh) and I don't talk about it a lot.. But she survived it, and she was so stubborn to get good nurses and doctors, tbh I don't really know how she did it, but she still encountered nasty people! Its horrible really, so I am sorry to hear you have experienced something like that too

Yeah it was triggered by something recently, im just a little nervous/ not sure if I can share it.

I'm also not really sure how to speak clearly about my dad's power abuse.. its kinda hard to explain I guess

Thanks for the words of support! And I can see how abuse from your dad can really affect you.  I'm sorry to hear about what your mom went through too.  Do you still live with your dad?  Do you think anyone else in your family can pick up on the power abuse too?  And it's okay if you're not comfortable sharing about the trigger here on community!  You can also send a message on Confidential Support but that's totally up to you. 

[Catsup]

5 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

This is exactly what it’s like with my dad.

I think he’s borderline narcissistic, but his whole deal is “I’m the adult, I’m not your equal, you do what I say because I’m your father and you have to respect me. 

I think that a lot of my discomfort with people is hinged on that word because morally I know respect isn’t whatever twisted and distorted idea my dad had for it (and I even called him out on it once, I told him what he was looking for wasn’t respect, but rather submission) but I still feel meek when given a direct command because of that experience.

I experienced stuff like this especially with my dad. The most notable of these examples are these:

1. The time when we were visiting his apartment at the time and he got mad at us and was being scary so we called our mom and begged her to pick us up. He brought us outside of the apartment complex and made us stand in the side of the road to wait for her. Mind you, this was at night, at it was about 30 degrees f outside and my sister was in a tank top and pj shorts. He also demanded I text my mom every two minutes to see how far away she was and I had to just listen because we were stuck with him. He also didn’t allow me to come ack after that saying that my sisters could but I couldn’t and that it was because it was his house and not ours.

2. When he came into my room, took a bunch of things out of my closet, threw it all over my bedroom floor and demanded that my sisters and I clean it all up and said we weren’t allowed to go to sleep until we did. We had school in the morning (we were going in person at the time) was about midnight when my mom came into the room and asked why we were still awake. We explained and she sent us to bed, argued with my dad about it, and after she left to her room, my dad came back and told us to keep cleaning and if we make noise for our mom to come into the room or tell her that we’re still up, that he would throw away all of our belongings.

And last but most certainly not least, 3. When my 7 y/o sister (at the time) accidentally dropped a glass cup and it broke so he said since she broke it she had to clean it- on her bare hands and knees. She wasn’t allowed to use a broom, get her shoes, ask for help etc. and she had never cleaned glass before. And it’s not like she threw it or anything, it was in every way, shape, and form, an accident. That time I stood up to him and said no that she wasn’t doing that and cleaned it myself while he yelled at me saying that she has to do what he says because he’s her father. 
 
those are only a few of the countless times the abuse stemmed from “bUt i’M yOuR FaThEr” or “yOu hAvE tO Do wHaT i sAy”. It’s really sad.

Hey, thanks for sharing that.  Sadly, it's relatable for many people to deal with abusive behavior.  All of those examples of your dad are stuff a child shouldn't have to deal with.  Do you feel like things are any better now, or is it still going on for you? 

I think you made a really good point about respect.  It's supposed to go both ways and we all deserve respect.

 

[TinyDinos]

2 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Hey, thanks for sharing that.  Sadly, it's relatable for many people to deal with abusive behavior.  All of those examples of your dad are stuff a child shouldn't have to deal with.  Do you feel like things are any better now, or is it still going on for you? 

I think you made a really good point about respect.  It's supposed to go both ways and we all deserve respect.

Yeah it really sucks. It isn’t going on anymore because he disowned me about two weeks ago for “disrespecting him” even though I just wanted answers about why he was doing drugs (I made a whole different post detailing that already so I won’t write it all out again, but lmk if you want me to tag you there). He kinda hates me lol. I really hate having to deal with all of it but whatever, it’s as good as it can get right now so there’s really nothing I can complain about, I still have more than most and should really be more grateful. I agree though that respect should go both ways, but I’m really having to actively make an effort to remember that. I’m honestly just trying to work on bettering myself, one baby step at a time

[Catsup]

 

40 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

Yeah it really sucks. It isn’t going on anymore because he disowned me about two weeks ago for “disrespecting him” even though I just wanted answers about why he was doing drugs (I made a whole different post detailing that already so I won’t write it all out again, but lmk if you want me to tag you there). He kinda hates me lol. I really hate having to deal with all of it but whatever, it’s as good as it can get right now so there’s really nothing I can complain about, I still have more than most and should really be more grateful. I agree though that respect should go both ways, but I’m really having to actively make an effort to remember that. I’m honestly just trying to work on bettering myself, one baby step at a time

I agree that being grateful is always a good thing, Do you do anything in your daily life to cultivate gratitude, or would you like ideas?

I think anything you are unhappy about is a valid thing to feel too.  I won't make you repeat your old post, and I can take your word for it that things were really rough two weeks ago.  Do you truly think he hates you, or is there possibly something going on with him that is making him lash out?  As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to hate about you!

I'm glad to hear you're in a place of bettering yourself one step at a time.  Any step forward is a huge success.

 

[TinyDinos]

1 hour ago, Catsup said:

I agree that being grateful is always a good thing, Do you do anything in your daily life to cultivate gratitude, or would you like ideas?

I think anything you are unhappy about is a valid thing to feel too.  I won't make you repeat your old post, and I can take your word for it that things were really rough two weeks ago.  Do you truly think he hates you, or is there possibly something going on with him that is making him lash out?  As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to hate about you!

I'm glad to hear you're in a place of bettering yourself one step at a time.  Any step forward is a huge success.

 

I do <3
i try to find things to thank God for every day (just my personal beliefs ). I like to reflect and notice little things and kind of have a mental thank you note for it because I think I am a very lucky person for what I’ve got and that I should be aware of it. It can be big things like the fact that my dog is wagging its tail because it’s in good health or little things like feeling the sun on my face. I also think that it can be a double edged sword though, especially when I get into a kinda depressive state and I feel guilty for having those things instead of someone else who deserves it, y’know? Overall I just try to stay grateful so I can stay mostly happy as well as stay humble and not become like my narcissistic father

ehhhhhh that’s a pretty good question. It’s a weird gray area. I know he deeply dislikes me because i kinda ruined everything he wanted (e.g. manipulating me and my sisters, stalking my mom, lying about what he used to do to us, not falling for his lies and gaslighting, calling him out on his secrets like his many gfs and the drug issues, etc.) but he also really wants me around bc I make him look good (he always posted pics and stuff of me on his social media and stuff so he could show me off to his friends even though I hated it and asked him to stop many times).

Thank you for the kind words though, good vibes only :)
 

[Equivalent Ways]

oh I see now @TinyDinos the moderated thing.

I mean.. that sounds horrible. I am very sorry for yall cuz I don't wish that for any kid.

For me, and my eyes, it is painful how obviously abusive, non-senseitical, and delirious your dad's actions are. And you were subject to that? Heck nah. You are seeing it real tho, love you for that. My dad is a narcissist i believe.. and a fin' coward too. He never physically threatened us that I remember, but he would always withhold his love, and that was all we wanted. We would do anything for it. And he had it on a stick like a fishing pole dangling in front of our nose.

While your dad does horrible #1 you said, i would be sobbing on the floor pleading to go back to my mom. He would be standing over me and with a firm, terrifying, and deathly sounding tone he would say,

no.

Over and over as i cried over and over. ._.

I also am glad you explained the respect thing, it is valuable to me, I also understand, and you are once again showing your intelligence on this.

[TinyDinos]

1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oh I see now @TinyDinos the moderated thing.

I mean.. that sounds horrible. I am very sorry for yall cuz I don't wish that for any kid.

For me, and my eyes, it is painful how obviously abusive, non-senseitical, and delirious your dad's actions are. And you were subject to that? Heck nah. You are seeing it real tho, love you for that. My dad is a narcissist i believe.. and a fin' coward too. He never physically threatened us that I remember, but he would always withhold his love, and that was all we wanted. We would do anything for it. And he had it on a stick like a fishing pole dangling in front of our nose.

While your dad does horrible #1 you said, i would be sobbing on the floor pleading to go back to my mom. He would be standing over me and with a firm, terrifying, and deathly sounding tone he would say,

no.

Over and over as i cried over and over. ._.

I also am glad you explained the respect thing, it is valuable to me, I also understand, and you are once again showing your intelligence on this.

He withheld affection too. It’s the cruelest thing ever tbh

[Equivalent Ways]

2 hours ago, Catsup said:

Thanks for the words of support! And I can see how abuse from your dad can really affect you.  I'm sorry to hear about what your mom went through too.  Do you still live with your dad?  Do you think anyone else in your family can pick up on the power abuse too?  And it's okay if you're not comfortable sharing about the trigger here on community!  You can also send a message on Confidential Support but that's totally up to you. 

Thanks he11 no do i still live with him. Some stuff went down, and I have not seen him for like.. 4, 5? years now. And yes my mom is very savvy on the trauma phycology, she had a trauma filled childhood but choose to break the chain she is raising me better than her parents did her. Butttt stuff still happened :/ inevitable, really

[Equivalent Ways]

4 minutes ago, TinyDinos said:

He withheld affection too. It’s the cruelest thing ever tbh

yes gal, i love that you get it cuz some ppl are like, of he did not hit you? what are u talking about? He11 nah.        and ok a few notes,

my dad really just wanted me to be a doll so he could also show me off to his fam or whatever, trying to fill a dark whole inside of himself that hi is not willing to look at. You see, he always wears a mask, and if you try to get close and take a peek under it, all he11 rains loose on you.

Gratitude is ~amazing~ but it is no longer gratitude if it is then guilt. I have some food anxiety cuz I would force myself to eat food I did not want to, so i would not waste it, so the 'starving kids in africa' would not be hurt by me its ok to be grateful, but also greedy sometimes as a way to process

Aaaaaand "good vibes only" you know, its ok to have other vibes too, allow yourself all the feels, ya?

[Hazard]

On 5/8/2023 at 1:01 PM, Equivalent Ways said:

nah, its not a competition, I may have experienced it a lot but it is all not good. But what is like ur mom gonna do when ur an adult too? I personally (may not be for you) feel that they want me to be dependent on them so they can keep feeding off me and trying to gain that power over others :( no no no

I have been rejecting dependence....I already drive and am going to work on getting a job next school year

[Catsup]

On 5/8/2023 at 8:53 PM, TinyDinos said:

I do <3
i try to find things to thank God for every day (just my personal beliefs ). I like to reflect and notice little things and kind of have a mental thank you note for it because I think I am a very lucky person for what I’ve got and that I should be aware of it. It can be big things like the fact that my dog is wagging its tail because it’s in good health or little things like feeling the sun on my face. I also think that it can be a double edged sword though, especially when I get into a kinda depressive state and I feel guilty for having those things instead of someone else who deserves it, y’know? Overall I just try to stay grateful so I can stay mostly happy as well as stay humble and not become like my narcissistic father

ehhhhhh that’s a pretty good question. It’s a weird gray area. I know he deeply dislikes me because i kinda ruined everything he wanted (e.g. manipulating me and my sisters, stalking my mom, lying about what he used to do to us, not falling for his lies and gaslighting, calling him out on his secrets like his many gfs and the drug issues, etc.) but he also really wants me around bc I make him look good (he always posted pics and stuff of me on his social media and stuff so he could show me off to his friends even though I hated it and asked him to stop many times).

Thank you for the kind words though, good vibes only :)
 

That's really great that you practice gratitude in your own way!  And depression can certainly make you feel like you don't deserve good things.  It's a hard battle to fight, but you certainly do deserve happiness and all those good things you described.

It's interesting what you said about your dad having negative feelings towards you for calling him out on things.  Whatever he feels towards you, it's definitely not your fault!

Good vibes going all around! :)

[Catsup]

On 5/8/2023 at 9:29 PM, Equivalent Ways said:

yes gal, i love that you get it cuz some ppl are like, of he did not hit you? what are u talking about? He11 nah.        and ok a few notes,

my dad really just wanted me to be a doll so he could also show me off to his fam or whatever, trying to fill a dark whole inside of himself that hi is not willing to look at. You see, he always wears a mask, and if you try to get close and take a peek under it, all he11 rains loose on you.

Gratitude is ~amazing~ but it is no longer gratitude if it is then guilt. I have some food anxiety cuz I would force myself to eat food I did not want to, so i would not waste it, so the 'starving kids in africa' would not be hurt by me its ok to be grateful, but also greedy sometimes as a way to process

Aaaaaand "good vibes only" you know, its ok to have other vibes too, allow yourself all the feels, ya?

Your situation with your dad sounds very difficult too @Equivalent Ways and I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the love from him that you certainly deserve.  And great point about gratitude vs. guilt.  I think that's really important to remember for anyone who might be depressed--that it's okay to focus on just you sometimes! 

So glad you welcome all vibes, since you're right that they don't always have to be good!

[Equivalent Ways]

16 minutes ago, Catsup said:

Your situation with your dad sounds very difficult too @Equivalent Ways and I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the love from him that you certainly deserve.  And great point about gratitude vs. guilt.  I think that's really important to remember for anyone who might be depressed--that it's okay to focus on just you sometimes! 

So glad you welcome all vibes, since you're right that they don't always have to be good!

thanks Catsup

[Catsup]

On 5/9/2023 at 2:10 PM, SCARE (Ember) said:

I have been rejecting dependence....I already drive and am going to work on getting a job next school year

Way to go @SCARE (Ember)! And your experiences are completely valid if you do ever want to share more on Community or Confidential Support.  I'm happy to hear those good things going on with you.