Mis chicas tontas 🥰

[Jayla]

2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Aw sorry to hear that :(

I know that can be frustrating.. I know you though, and I know that you’re authentic and honest and always so I know you can do it beautiful  

Something that helped me to write one to my mom (despite never finishing it/giving it to her) is writing as if it were a conversation. I also had some specific things in mind when writing.feel free to use this if ya want

Letter Outline Thingy:

-First and foremost thank her for agreeing to listen (if you plan on talking), or thank her for reading. 

This shows her that you value her time. Most people appreciate this, and are more willing to listen to you if they feel a mutual respect straight from the get go.

-What do I want to achieve from this conversation or by sharing this letter? What is the desireable outcome?

Share this with her. If you wanna vent, tell her that you want to vent and you don’t want advice. If you want to change a rule, tell her so respectfully. This directly engages her in the conversation while creating a team environment rather than a “me vs you” or an “us vs them” mentality. This means she won’t automatically be on the defense, and she’ll be more receptive towards what you have to say and willing to hear you out. Communication is key.

-what rules do I want her and I to respect to keep this healthy?

Set some ground rules at the beginning. Have both of you agree to those terms so you have room to speak freely and communicate effectively. This can be as simple as “I want to be able to finish my thought without being cut off, and I’ll do the same for you, deal?” Or “I’ll address one topic, and then you’ll have the chance to respond, is that okay?”. Have her included in making the rules as well. Stress the fact that you want to work together and that you want to have a healthy conversation. Again, comes off as non-aggressive and cooperative.

-What do I wish she’d do less of?

What are some things that bother you? What are some things you would change if you could? Why do these things make you upset? BE SPECIFIC. have examples. What would you like to change, and why.

-What do I wish she’d do more of?

what is she doing right? What are somethings that you wish she’d do a little more? Again, BE SPECIFIC. What are things you appreciate from her? Offer praise for those moments and express the fact that you want more positive experiences.

-Allow her to reply 

before switching topics let her process the information given to her. Let her think about what you said, allow her to ask questions. Nobody likes just being talked at without being able to share their side of the story. sometimes the biggest problems are just caused by misunderstandings, or have good intentions behind them. Maybe she said something as a joke and it was taken seriously, or she didn’t mean to put pressure on you but information was received that way. Clarity is the goal.

-After addressing everything you wanted to, work together to find a solution.

ask her what she thinks. Ask what is a reasonable first step. What is something small you both can do everyday to help with the stress and unhealthy feeling in your relationship. It can be helpful to have a few ideas already, but it’s okay if you don’t have any. All of this is to heal the relationship, and relationships aren’t meant to be one-sided, or only one person doing all of the work. In my own personal experience, I was interpreting information negatively from my mother so I had to change my mindset and practice expressing my opinions rather than just blindly saying yes to everything. My mom didn’t realize how much her words affected me, she needed to adjust her language and account for my sensitivity and clarify what she said if I ask her to. That accountability from each other is so healing I can’t describe it

-Don’t expect change immediately. 

this is a learning process for both of you, and you both aren’t going to magically change overnight. Give time, and grace, and understanding that this is growth, not an instant transition.

This isn’t a perfect formula, after all everybody is different, but I’ve found that people in general all way to feel loved and heard. This method is inclusive and healing, even if it takes some time. Love you mamas and hope this helped

Thank you so much

[TinyDinos]

8 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Dino is probably writing her heart out again good cuz it is good to process stuff and she writes in such a beautiful way

take your time

6 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

we love that for Dino. As long as she process things in s positive way 

Awwww haha y’all are the best

And you gals know me too well lol. I made something for the lovely chica (and you too if you’re interested ) that I thought might be helpful from experience with my own mom :)

[Equivalent Ways]

4 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

I love you so much

BLUSH ALERT

[TinyDinos]

2 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

Thank you so much

Awww I’m glad you liked it/it helped

Im sorry about the friggen essay though

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

BLUSH ALERT

I love thattttttt

[Equivalent Ways]

2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Awwww haha y’all are the best

And you gals know me too well lol. I made something for the lovely chica (and you too if you’re interested ) that I thought might be helpful from experience with my own mom :)

I just skimmed it now, but it seems really accurae and helpful, even for my own mom too. And like I have a small pile of letters I never gave to her lol

[Jayla]

2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Awww I’m glad you liked it/it helped

Im sorry about the friggen essay though

u should see how much i write

[TinyDinos]

I was student body president for 3 years when I was going to school in person, and In 8th grade I was VP first semester, President 2nd semester. I was President in freshman year of homeschool High School too. I have a of experience when it comes to talking to people formally without pissing them off too much

Thats why I work better w adults though tbh. I know how to navigate them

Edited February 27, 2023 by TinyTurtles

[Equivalent Ways]

I feel kinda good in my body today Lk, cuz i am wearing my sloth onesie again and some comfy underwear, its a chill/good day.

Also, i dont really care cuz we are still chatting here <3 but where did the peas chat go, did you delets it or did i do smth wrong?

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

I feel kinda good in my body today Lk, cuz i am wearing my sloth onesie again and some comfy underwear, its a chill/good day.

Also, i dont really care cuz we are still chatting here <3 but where did the peas chat go, did you delets it or did i do smth wrong?

I’m glad!!! Feel good!

it got deleted by a mod bc of the drama yesterday

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, TinyTurtles said:

I was student body president for 4 years when I was going to school in person, and In 8th grade I was VP first semester, President 2nd semester. I have a of experience when it comes to talking to people formally without pissing them off too much

Thats why I work better w adults though tbh. I know how to navigate them

oh gosh, that is true tho. I know less than you, bust still a little bit about trying to choose wording and context to not totally offend someone

[Equivalent Ways]

Just now, TinyTurtles said:

I’m glad!!! Feel good!

it got deleted by a mod bc of the drama yesterday

oh my goah yall Well ok then

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

oh my goah yall Well ok then

Yeah the other girl involved was really worked up and putting some not nice comments in there :/

[Jayla]

2 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

I feel kinda good in my body today Lk, cuz i am wearing my sloth onesie again and some comfy underwear, its a chill/good day.

Also, i dont really care cuz we are still chatting here <3 but where did the peas chat go, did you delets it or did i do smth wrong?

I did freshman council, student council, and forensics. 

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

I did freshman council, student council, and forensics. 

Forensics you say

[TinyDinos]

That sounds so cool!!!!!!

[TinyDinos]

Coughing and overall feel like my brain is kinda foggy, like I’m a little bit slow today. I really hope I’m not getting sick

[Jayla]

2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Forensics you say

it was until the coach started hating me so i dropped out 

[TinyDinos]

Just now, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

it was until the coach started hating me so i dropped out 

Ewwwwwww I hate when someone with a nasty attitude ruins a good thing

[Equivalent Ways]

5 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Yeah the other girl involved was really worked up and putting some not nice comments in there :/

OoOof

[Equivalent Ways]

5 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

I did freshman council, student council, and forensics. 

nice! I did forensics/biomed too and was.. vice prez i think of art club

[Jayla]

6 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Yeah the other girl involved was really worked up and putting some not nice comments in there :/

mmm unfortunately but it is wht it is 

[Equivalent Ways]

2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Ewwwwwww I hate when someone with a nasty attitude ruins a good thing

oddly enough that was unfortunately my chior teacher, he was creepy and kinda manipulative

[Jayla]

1 minute ago, Equivalent Ways said:

oddly enough that was unfortunately my chior teacher, he was creepy and kinda manipulative

ya

[Equivalent Ways]

1 minute ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

ya

And dont get me started of my study hall teacher, he actually had the audacity to lay hands on me. But thanks to my moms support i was able to exist in that class till the year was over.

btw i have been homeschooled on and off through elemenry and middle school, I went to a highschool campus for a music and academics program in 8th grade but covid and then part was through sophomore year I HAD TO Leave. So ya, melting face emoji