understandablyuncertain Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. So this whole site is new to me, bear with me. Let me know if I need to fix anything I’ll try to keep this short but, I am a cis woman married to a cis man. I’ve known I was bi since I was a kid, but I feel like I’m either wrong or things have changed. I love my husband (I’ll call him H) but I don’t find myself sexually attracted to him. I think he’s handsome but I don’t really get “excited” by him. However, I do get that way about women. I see beautiful women on social media and I will have feelings that don’t match what I have with H. (I don’t cheat, of course, nor do I seek out those posts.) I worry I might be lesbian and not bi. I’m not worried about how it will affect me, but rather how it would affect H. We both love each other but I’m not sure it’s in the same way. Either way I just don’t want to destroy his life or have him be devastated if that is who I am. There’s more to it but I have a few questions. how do I figure out my sexuality? how do I bring up the topic with H? is there a way to not hurt H if I am fully lesbian? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted February 19, 2023 Share Posted February 19, 2023 Hi, welcome to the Ditch the Label community! I'm Catsup, one of the support mentors here. This is a difficult topic but I do want to share some thoughts on all your questions and see what you think too! You make some great points about the concerns you have. Figuring out sexuality can be difficult especially if you are not able to explore it, but of course you do not want to hurt your husband. How comfortable are you and your husband with the idea of you looking more at any sexually interesting media related to women? Or men? Do not feel the need to answer this here if you do not want, but it might be a thought for exploring your sexuality. Bringing this up to your husband can be tricky but I think you are framing this very well here and I can tell just by reading your post that you care a lot about your husband. Perhaps when you are ready to have the conversation, you can bring it up at a relaxed time, similar how you did here, and emphasizing how much you care about him? You could even write out your thoughts first, more geared towards him. This situation is definitely not easy, and I am not sure about how your husband would react or if he would be hurt. How do you think he would probably handle all this, knowing how he normally reacts and communicates in your relationship? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
understandablyuncertain Posted February 19, 2023 Author Share Posted February 19, 2023 Hi catsup, I hope I’m replying the right way . I’m kinda bad at using tech Its interesting that you bring up the more sexually interesting media. That’s something I’ve been exploring lately to try to figure things out. I feel like it might be pointing me towards women, too, because I enjoy seeing more women-centered content. I like the idea of writing things down before talking to H, to make sure I’ve got everything thought out. I don’t want to completely screw this up by misspeaking. H is very kind, calm, and supportive. He is also very sensitive, which I admire, but I worry he will be more likely to be hurt badly. I think we could talk it through but I am terrified of inevitably hurting him if we decide to not stay together or something. Last thing, I want to bring this up sooner than later because I feel like my personal tension is causing tension between us, but he doesn’t know why. Also selfishly, it is painful to hold onto this. However, he is in a very stressful school situation and I don’t want to mess up his learning or his mental health MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsup Posted February 22, 2023 Share Posted February 22, 2023 On 2/19/2023 at 5:02 PM, understandablyuncertain said: Hi catsup, I hope I’m replying the right way . I’m kinda bad at using tech Its interesting that you bring up the more sexually interesting media. That’s something I’ve been exploring lately to try to figure things out. I feel like it might be pointing me towards women, too, because I enjoy seeing more women-centered content. I like the idea of writing things down before talking to H, to make sure I’ve got everything thought out. I don’t want to completely screw this up by misspeaking. H is very kind, calm, and supportive. He is also very sensitive, which I admire, but I worry he will be more likely to be hurt badly. I think we could talk it through but I am terrified of inevitably hurting him if we decide to not stay together or something. Last thing, I want to bring this up sooner than later because I feel like my personal tension is causing tension between us, but he doesn’t know why. Also selfishly, it is painful to hold onto this. However, he is in a very stressful school situation and I don’t want to mess up his learning or his mental health Hi! Your concerns do sound like something you both might benefit from bringing up to H soon. I wanted to check in and ask if you have talked to him about it? And how things have been going in general? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoajR Posted May 15, 2023 Share Posted May 15, 2023 There's an enormous chance you're lesbian and biromantic! Biromantic is similar to bisexual, howeverr... It has to do with romantics, not sexual attraction. I am sexually and romantically attracted to men, and only romantically attracted to women. You could be the opposite! Let me know what you think. I could be wrong- Hope this was helpful. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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