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I just got told my sexuality was a phase.


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So, my mom just said that me being biromantic asexual was a phase. She said she thought it was more than a phase, and then proceded to imply that it was. And it's making me really, really mad. I have felt like this for way longer than she knows. This. Is. Not. A. Phase. STOP TREATING IT LIKE IT IS! Stop acting like I'm gonna wake up and say "Hey, I have a crush on a boy!" No. That's NOT HAPPENING. I'm kind of not sure if she wants me to pretend like I do, or what. What am I supposed to say? I can't change it. I don't want to. Why should I?

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13 hours ago, AceOfSpades said:

So, my mom just said that me being biromantic asexual was a phase. She said she thought it was more than a phase, and then proceded to imply that it was. And it's making me really, really mad. I have felt like this for way longer than she knows. This. Is. Not. A. Phase. STOP TREATING IT LIKE IT IS! Stop acting like I'm gonna wake up and say "Hey, I have a crush on a boy!" No. That's NOT HAPPENING. I'm kind of not sure if she wants me to pretend like I do, or what. What am I supposed to say? I can't change it. I don't want to. Why should I?

Heyy @AceOfSpades, I imagine it's super hard when your mum makes comment on your identify and sexuality as a 'Phase' rather than accepting you wholly, I am sorry about this. It can sometimes feel like they're rejecting the very core of your existence and that does bring up feelings of frustration. 

There is no one way around how she will change her mind and something to be prepared is that she might not for a very long time, but before diving deeper in this, I want to check with you how you're coping with it all? And also, how long has it been since you shared about your sexual identity with your mum?

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It's been about a week since I actually said it, a little less since we first actually talked about it. Um, not dealing with it to well, I'm sorry to say. I felt like dying all yesterday, which is not normal, and I really hate doing anything. I hate life right now. There are beautiful things, but they are rare, and I do not see them often enough. "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." -Aristotle. Well, I'm not seeing the light. I couldn't kill myself because I don't have the will to and I couldn't do that to my family and friends, but I feel like it.

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25 minutes ago, AceOfSpades said:

It's been about a week since I actually said it, a little less since we first actually talked about it. Um, not dealing with it to well, I'm sorry to say. I felt like dying all yesterday, which is not normal, and I really hate doing anything. I hate life right now. There are beautiful things, but they are rare, and I do not see them often enough. "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." -Aristotle. Well, I'm not seeing the light. I couldn't kill myself because I don't have the will to and I couldn't do that to my family and friends, but I feel like it.

That’s how my past two days have been, but not for the same reason. Everyone has different triggers. Sending love and support. ❤️

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Something that worked for me was being in a safe place (my bedroom), and trying a technique I learned about called grounding. It basically helps you focus on little things around you that focus on your 5 senses. For example, colors, textures, etc. it helped me and I hope it might help you too 💕

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Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you felt like dying yesterday. It sounds like you're pretty low right now and I really sense how much you're struggling. I just want you to know that we are here for you and we recognise your struggle. Remember, there is light at the end of every tunnel, even though it doesn't feel like it now; it can be hard to see this when you're so deep in it. I'm wondering, would you like to fill out a safety plan? This will help you to feel grounded and have a plan on action to follow when you are in crisis. Plenty of people do them and they do work. Take care and speak soon.

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Just now, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you felt like dying yesterday. It sounds like you're pretty low right now and I really sense how much you're struggling. I just want you to know that we are here for you and we recognise your struggle. Remember, there is light at the end of every tunnel, even though it doesn't feel like it now; it can be hard to see this when you're so deep in it. I'm wondering, would you like to fill out a safety plan? This will help you to feel grounded and have a plan on action to follow when you are in crisis. Plenty of people do them and they do work. Take care and speak soon.

I also agree with this. @Monsoon helped me form a safety plan yesterday and it helped a lot 

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19 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

Something that worked for me was being in a safe place (my bedroom), and trying a technique I learned about called grounding. It basically helps you focus on little things around you that focus on your 5 senses. For example, colors, textures, etc. it helped me and I hope it might help you too 💕

I do that when I have a panic attack, and it does help. 

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19 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you felt like dying yesterday. It sounds like you're pretty low right now and I really sense how much you're struggling. I just want you to know that we are here for you and we recognise your struggle. Remember, there is light at the end of every tunnel, even though it doesn't feel like it now; it can be hard to see this when you're so deep in it. I'm wondering, would you like to fill out a safety plan? This will help you to feel grounded and have a plan on action to follow when you are in crisis. Plenty of people do them and they do work. Take care and speak soon.

Yes. I would like to try it. How do I do that?

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Hey,

Sure thing. Here are the questions you answer to create your safety plan. You can also download the StayAlive app and fill one in there too. Would you like to answer the questions and share them with us? You don't have to, but it might be helpful to talk it through. 

 

What I need to do to reduce the risk of me acting on the suicidal thoughts:

 

What warning signs or triggers are there that make me feel more out of control?

 

What have I done in the past that helped? What ways of coping do I have?

 

What I will do to help calm and soothe myself:

 

What I will tell myself (as alternatives to the dark thoughts):

 

What would I say to a close friend who was feeling this way?

 

What could others do that would help?

 

Who can I call:

 

A safe place I can go to:

 

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Okay. 

#1:Stay with people. Don't go off on my own like usual, hang out with friends and family, make sure I have something to do.

#2:If I'm not paying attention in class, that's usually when I feel bad because I start thinking. The popular kids usually make it worse! And teachers! I don't know why, they usually want to help. 

#3:Read. A book I know by heart, not a new one. 5 senses thingy. Don't go on the computer. Talk to my friends who have felt like this.

#4:You cannot die. That's pretty much what I told myself for at least an hour straight in bed, and it kind of worked.

#5:I would try to make them laugh, which would probably take about 10 tries, and then I would be serious me and, depending on who it was, either tell them that under no circumstances could they do that, or that they had people who loved them and to think about how it would hurt them

#6:Just be with me. Make me do things, don't let me sit and think. 

#7:I have no idea. No way am I telling my parents, the entire point of this is so I don't have to tell them. I trust my grandparents even less with this, there is no way I'm coming out to them and I would have to to explain this. Any ideas?

#8:School. That's the best place, because I can't do anything, they literally have a police officer there. If I can't go to school, I'm not really sure, I'd probably go to my brother's room and talk with him.

So, that's what I came up with, and if you have any other ideas, please share them with me.

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Hey there, 

I really like your plan. It's so detailed and full of really reflections on what currently helps you and what else might support you. The answers you have given show me how insightful you are about your feelings and this emotional awareness will help you move forward with your situation. It's great that you could go to your brother's room and talk with him. I'm wondering, is there anyone else you could maybe speak with that would be pretty understanding and supportive? Also, would you like us to share some relaxation strategies with you that you could try out in the moment? 

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Well, a few of my friends know, and two of them get it, one really doesn't understand and her advice was "Be happier.", and the other was just kind of not sure. Please do share some strategies, I would definitely like some more. 

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2 hours ago, AceOfSpades said:

Well, a few of my friends know, and two of them get it, one really doesn't understand and her advice was "Be happier.", and the other was just kind of not sure. Please do share some strategies, I would definitely like some more. 

Hey,

Sure thing, we can help with that. I'm wondering, would you like to talk about this on confidential support with us? 

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