My PTSD is Getting More Intense

[Dewdrop]

Is there anyone else here with PTSD? If so, how do you cope? Recently I've been having nightmares about an event from 4-5 years ago, and sometimes I can't tell who is speaking to me: Is it my Englisih teacher, or my past abuser? My thinking has been getting more stuck on past trauma, which makes sense because right now in English class, there are lots of triggers being thrown around by my teacher, who I hate because she reminds me of my abuser. 

[Blondie]

7 hours ago, Dewdrop said:

Is there anyone else here with PTSD? If so, how do you cope? Recently I've been having nightmares about an event from 4-5 years ago, and sometimes I can't tell who is speaking to me: Is it my Englisih teacher, or my past abuser? My thinking has been getting more stuck on past trauma, which makes sense because right now in English class, there are lots of triggers being thrown around by my teacher, who I hate because she reminds me of my abuser. 

Hi @Dewdrop Firstly, I'm sorry you're going through this as I know personally how debilitating PTSD can be.

I realise that PTSD can be caused by many traumas and my experience isn't the same as yours but can I ask if you've ever had any therapy to deal with the abuse? I was able to work hard on this with my therapist to learn very specific coping strategies.

[Dewdrop]

Hi @Blondie,

Like I said, this happened 4-5 years ago. I was able to talk to my therapist about it back then, but only for a little bit, and then we moved on. I haven't told anyone about the stress, nightmares, etc. I've never asked or told anyone about PTSD, but I'm pretty sure I do have it because of everything I'm experiencing, and everything I have experienced since the event. I don't really want to talk to my parents about it, because I think they blame themselves for puting me in a spot to be abused, even though it was totally not their fault. I've thought several times about re-discussing this with my therapist, but I either forget while I'm actually in session with her or I can't work up the courage to talk about it. 

But I feel like I might have to bring it up to someone, because my problems with my English teacher Mrs. A are starting to affect the school's entire administrative staff as well as my best friend Cass and my parents. 

Mrs. A's class is often too much for me to handle, so I have a 504 plan that gives me permission to leave class whenever I need to. When I leave, I go to the office, but it's starting to become more and more frequent. Because I'm almost never in class, and when I am, I'm focused on not losing my cool, my English grade for first quarter was a B. It's the first B I've ever gotten, and I honestly don't care because I don't care about any class taught by Mrs. A, but Cass cares and wants me to improve. She's being a good friend about it, not at all pushy or anyting, but she doesn't understand what I'm going through mentally. The principal wants to talk to my parents about a plan for English second quarter, but my parents say they can't come up with a good plan if they don't know exactly what is bothering me about the class. 

It feels so good to type this here, thank you for supporting everyone through rough times.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

It sounds like school are really supportive and want to help you fulfil your potential and feel better in school; what is that like for you, knowing that they are looking out for you like that? Also, I'm wondering, what do you think it is that bothers you about the class? 

By the way, it's really good that you have already spoken to your therapist about this a little. This is not an easy thing to do and takes a lot of courage, so I'm pleased you were able to do that. I'm wondering, if you did bring it up to her again, what do you think is the worst that could happen, and what is also the best thing that can happen?

[Dewdrop]

14 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like school are really supportive and want to help you fulfil your potential and feel better in school; what is that like for you, knowing that they are looking out for you like that? Also, I'm wondering, what do you think it is that bothers you about the class? 

By the way, it's really good that you have already spoken to your therapist about this a little. This is not an easy thing to do and takes a lot of courage, so I'm pleased you were able to do that. I'm wondering, if you did bring it up to her again, what do you think is the worst that could happen, and what is also the best thing that can happen?

I appreciate that the school is looking out for me, because of the three schools I've gone to in-person, two were opposed to supporting me and one was a h***hole that is the reason I now have PTSD. 

It mostly bothers me that Mrs. A reminds me so, so much of the person whose name I do not speak that it's kind of scary. They're both obsessed with lying and exaggerating in order to boost their reputation, they both tell untruths as a way of using fear tactics on students, they both take joy in controversial issues that cause very much stress for me. The main difference is that one targeted me for abuse and one is trying to help me, unaware of the anxiety she is causing.

It wasn't that brave to speak to my therapist about it, because at the time, I was really young and had just met my therapist. Because of this, one of my parents always went with me to meetings. My dad was the one who brought it up to my therapist, and told the whole story. I remember sitting and staring at the corner, trying to make my mind go blank. That day was the first and only time that I saw my dad cry.

If I talk to my therapist about it again, the best would be if she talks to Mrs. A and the principal privately, without involving my parents, so that I can talk to them myself. The worst would be if she tells my parents (I know this won't happen) or if she tries to help me brainstorm ways to bury my anxiety instead of dealing with the source.

[Monsoon]

Hey there, 

So, just to make sure I understand, can you tell me more about the lying and fear tactics from Mrs A?

Also, you articulated the best and worst case scenarios so well, and from that, you have a clear outcome that would be helpful for you. I’m wondering, how do you think it would go if you communicated that ideal outcome to your therapist?