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Toxic friend?


aarrgghh    

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Well, my name is Marie and I have a toxic best friend. Some things she has recently said to me include:

 

-Re evaluate yourself and your priorities

-You are too wishy washy, changing your mind every 5 minutes about everything is why you ha e the problems that you have. (no idea what that means. I change what my passions are maybe. And I have fibromyalgia and I'm bipolar.)

-stop saying stupid shit. I always have to try and ignore it.

? I'm tired of being treated like a lot lapdog who constantly gets stepped on and mistreated.

-when planning, I need to stop lounging in her chair and plan shit. (I was.)

? don't bitch avout your problems. I don't care. Deal with it.

 

We went on a trip. She woke me up at 7 am.

? we didn't see a lot because you take 1.5 hours to get ready. It isn't because of me

(her GPS key taking us to bfe private roads, up roads that recommended that no vehicles enter, and places that weren't on the map.)

? don't spat in people's faces every chance you get with snide comments and underhanded insults.

(I don't even know how to be snide.)

? stop having ppl try and please you

(no idea.)

And it just continues about how she's the victim every time she gets overly angry at me.

But I digress?

I have a toxic best friend. There used to be 3 of us, but she destroyed the friendship and she has since faded away from me and now it's just her. And me. We've been friends for 20 years. I never share personal things because she retaliated and tells me to deal with it. Our most recent argument, she layed on the hatred real quick. She just kept criticizing how horrible of a person I was and how she is tired of being a lapdog that's being stomped over, or that she is the only one doing 110 percent. She's the only one allowed to complain about life and everything is always my fault. How do you tell someone who claims that they are the perfect friend that she needs to take blame for our miscomings?

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Hey Marie,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. How are you feeling? I have also had a similar friendship. The friend was being really harsh to me and never supported me. I was always being criticised. A lot of the time, this behaviour comes from a place of insecurity in them.

 

With my friend, I bottled it up for a while, but then I had enough. I decided to approach them about it. I did this in a non-confrontational, compassionate way. I accepted that I was at fault sometimes, but that their behaviour was making me feel bad about myself. I said that I couldn't see the friendship going anywhere else unless they changed, and asked them if they felt like they were being unreasonable.

 

I think this is a great approach for you to take. It is important to not get worked up and frustrated when talking. If you stay calm, this will maintain a mature interaction.

 

Also, here is a help guide which you may find useful:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/are-they-really-your-friend-15-signs-that-suggest-otherwise/

 

I hope you find this useful and I look forward to hearing back from you.

 

-Monsoon.

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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