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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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Emberfrost12
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Go to solution Solved by Aurora,

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6 hours ago, Aurora said:

I'm glad to hear you're not thinking about ending things. It sounds like you're feeling like you want to shut people out. Is that right? Has something in particular triggered this, do you think? 

Just things in general, as far as I can see

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6 hours ago, Aurora said:

When you say that you've given up on fighting them, have you tried to actively tell yourself that they are just thoughts and that they are not real. And that they don't mean anything? 

Yeah, ive tried, but it doesn't help. Because even though they aren't real, they COULD happen

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2 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

And I have tried but it was nearly impossible to get over

Same here

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7 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Yeah, ive tried, but it doesn't help. Because even though they aren't real, they COULD happen

They can start with something like driving, then a car crash, then on and on until someone's died (usually my dad or my friends), then i'm homeless, or dead, or anything else that can be horrible, and all of the connections in between actually make sense and feel likely.

The big thing that they've shown me is that anything and anyone can be taken away if even one person makes a mistake.

At least the scenarios have offered solutions and plans that could work if something comes true, but if something did i'd probably fall apart too much to use them.

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10 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

They can start with something like driving, then a car crash, then on and on until someone's died (usually my dad or my friends), then i'm homeless, or dead, or anything else that can be horrible, and all of the connections in between actually make sense and feel likely.

The big thing that they've shown me is that anything and anyone can be taken away if even one person makes a mistake.

At least the scenarios have offered solutions and plans that could work if something comes true, but if something did i'd probably fall apart too much to use them.

This sounds horrific 

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16 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

They can start with something like driving, then a car crash, then on and on until someone's died (usually my dad or my friends), then i'm homeless, or dead, or anything else that can be horrible, and all of the connections in between actually make sense and feel likely.

The big thing that they've shown me is that anything and anyone can be taken away if even one person makes a mistake.

At least the scenarios have offered solutions and plans that could work if something comes true, but if something did i'd probably fall apart too much to use them.

 

Thanks so much for sharing. How did you feel after writing down your thoughts? It must be really tough to keep having these scenarios and not be able to stop them from reoccurring. I know what you're saying about they could happen. However, it is very unlikely that this will happen in reality. And please know that by having these thoughts, it does not make it any more likely that anything will happen to you or your family. 

One thing I find quite helpful is that thoughts are only as powerful as we let them be and it can be helpful to remind us that they are just a sentence in our mind. They are not real. If you find that this doesn't really help then you could try a mindful exercise, whereby you try and visualise your thoughts. You can start by picturing your mind to be the sky and your thoughts are just floating clouds. Try and imagine your thoughts as clouds, floating past. And you notice them as they pass through. This does take a bit of practice but can be really helpful. Do you think that might work for you? 

 

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12 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

This sounds horrible I'm so sorry you have to go through this

Ah, not your fault, Thanks for the sympathy though

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6 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thanks so much for sharing. How did you feel after writing down your thoughts? It must be really tough to keep having these scenarios and not be able to stop them from reoccurring. I know what you're saying about they could happen. However, it is very unlikely that this will happen in reality. And please know that by having these thoughts, it does not make it any more likely that anything will happen to you or your family. 

One thing I find quite helpful is that thoughts are only as powerful as we let them be and it can be helpful to remind us that they are just a sentence in our mind. They are not real. If you find that this doesn't really help then you could try a mindful exercise, whereby you try and visualise your thoughts. You can start by picturing your mind to be the sky and your thoughts are just floating clouds. Try and imagine your thoughts as clouds, floating past. And you notice them as they pass through. This does take a bit of practice but can be really helpful. Do you think that might work for you? 

I tried, but they kind of...turned into a plane? With a screen on the front? Sounds weird, i know, but that's what happens. Also, I think It may be unclear, my thoughts aren't words/sentences, they're like videos

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17 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I tried, but they kind of...turned into a plane? With a screen on the front? Sounds weird, i know, but that's what happens. Also, I think It may be unclear, my thoughts aren't words/sentences, they're like videos

That's absolutely fine. It doesn't have to be a cloud, it can be a plane or whatever else works for you. It can take a bit of practice and the more you practice it, the easier it'll get 🙂. And if your thoughts are like videos, that works, too. When the imagine/video pops into your head, imagine placing it in the cloud/plane and watch them floating/flying away. You just continue watching the sky and watching the planes with your thoughts go by until you feel calmer or you start thinking about other things. By doing this, you can hopefully create a bit of space between you and your thoughts. 

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8 hours ago, Aurora said:

That's absolutely fine. It doesn't have to be a cloud, it can be a plane or whatever else works for you. It can take a bit of practice and the more you practice it, the easier it'll get 🙂. And if your thoughts are like videos, that works, too. When the imagine/video pops into your head, imagine placing it in the cloud/plane and watch them floating/flying away. You just continue watching the sky and watching the planes with your thoughts go by until you feel calmer or you start thinking about other things. By doing this, you can hopefully create a bit of space between you and your thoughts. 

K, I'll try that. Thanks

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14 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

K, I'll try that. Thanks

Did you get to talk to the psychiatrist yesterday? I hope it was helpful. 

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5 hours ago, Aurora said:

Did you get to talk to the psychiatrist yesterday? I hope it was helpful. 

Nope. They didn't call me down....I'm going to wait till next week to say anything though

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On 10/13/2022 at 6:03 PM, Emberfrost12 said:

Nope. They didn't call me down....I'm going to wait till next week to say anything though

Oh no, I wonder what happened there? Do you know if you will get to see them this week? 

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8 hours ago, Aurora said:

Oh no, I wonder what happened there? Do you know if you will get to see them this week? 

Here's hoping! I have no idea but I assume they will

Also, I'm having another issue,

I think i mentioned this before, but essentially I'm thinking about, kind of...abandoning my personality....if that makes any sense. Deleting my personality and becoming a perfect, but inhuman, being. Being the person that society wants me to be, the person my parents want me to be. Just, a robot focused on being successful and making money. No more problems. But no more me. New friends, new identity, new life. The best thing that I can compare it to is emotional/mental suicide, so that I'm no longer there mentally but still alive physically. Help? I keep thinking about it, and writing lists of things i need to change

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Hey there,

That's an interesting idea, about how you want to abandon your personality and becoming the person that everyone wants you to be. I'm wondering, if you were to do this, how would you go about it? Also, what do you think the impact on your life might be, both positive and negative?

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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15 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Because I don't know who will be on first, I'm just going to additionally tag you, @Monsoon and @Blondie

Hey @Emberfrost12 are you ok?

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On 9/17/2022 at 1:15 AM, Emberfrost12 said:

I hate this. I’m good at math, but never the best. Good at writing, but i get overlooked. Strong, but not strong enough, fast but not fast enough. I’m almost always honest, but not honest enough. I’m good at art, but still not enough. People like me but I’m no one’s favorite, and I’m a good friend, but rarely someone’s best friend. Hell, I’m not sad, but I’m rarely happy and people sometimes tell me they think I’m insane because I’m so suddenly hyper or tired, or they just think I’m insane when I’m being normal. I just say i think I’m broken, and i pretty much believe it. Not only that, but every one of those things change, but I’m still never the best.  I just want to be the best at something. I want stability. I want to be okay in other people’s eyes. I also want to be able to close my eyes without thinking about death or to go to sleep without being afraid of my nightmares. Where did I go wrong to end up like this? How do i fix this? I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never be enough (for both myself and other people) and I’ll never be able to have normal highs and lows, or even emotions.

I want you to try the mindset of "yeah I make mistakes but I can learn from them i stead of being self critical".

If it works for you please feel free to let me know.

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10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's an interesting idea, about how you want to abandon your personality and becoming the person that everyone wants you to be. I'm wondering, if you were to do this, how would you go about it? Also, what do you think the impact on your life might be, both positive and negative?

I'd make a list of all the things to change, and a basic schedule to follow to achieve things. The positive would be that i'd be more successful, and more likable by certain people (Including people like my parents and teachers). The negative is that I wouldn't really be human, i'd have a lot less empathy, I'd give up a large part of my identity and replace it, and I'd possible give up my friends

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6 hours ago, TheOriginalAxel said:

Hey @Emberfrost12 are you ok?

Not really. And the stuff with leila last night, I kinda feel like that's my fault and i also feel like there's some big issue that I'm not realizing about myself, because why else would she not like me? 

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Just now, Emberfrost12 said:

Not really. And the stuff with leila last night, I kinda feel like that's my fault and i also feel like there's some big issue that I'm not realizing about myself, because why else would she not like me? 

By not like, I mean why would she hate me?

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17 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I'd make a list of all the things to change, and a basic schedule to follow to achieve things. The positive would be that i'd be more successful, and more likable by certain people (Including people like my parents and teachers). The negative is that I wouldn't really be human, i'd have a lot less empathy, I'd give up a large part of my identity and replace it, and I'd possible give up my friends

Hi there, I've noticed that you mentioned that this would make you more likeable by certain people - and you're referring to adults there, is that right? And that you might have to give up your friends. I'm wondering if that means, that you feel like your friends accept you for who you are? 

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2 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, I've noticed that you mentioned that this would make you more likeable by certain people - and you're referring to adults there, is that right? And that you might have to give up your friends. I'm wondering if that means, that you feel like your friends accept you for who you are? 

Yeah, we all match in chaos levels and we go together really well. They accept me, and i'm really honest with them, so they know what's going on

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