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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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Emberfrost12
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Go to solution Solved by Aurora,

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5 hours ago, Aurora said:

Have you seen the school counsellor before? I know it can feel like a big step to ask for support. Thank you for being so open about everything that has been on your mind. I get the sense that you really want to change these thoughts you've been having and you're being really proactive about it. In my experience school counsellors can be really helpful in these situations and provide a safe space to work though anxiety. Let me know how you get on. And please know that we are also always here for you if you would like any additional support. 

Yes, i have, but it'll be a different person, I think, because the person I used to talk to became one of the two vice priniciples of the school. I'll let you know how it goes

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So, i went, and what essentially happened is that the person there told me to come back next wednesday, so that I can talk to a psychiatrist. So that's good! She asked me if I'd talked to anyone else about this, and I said no, even though that's not really true because I've talked to you guys. But I'm not sure how they'll react if I tell them I've been talking to people on a website, and I also don't want my mom to find out, so.... 

Also, she said that she's going to get my name changed within the school so that all my forms, report cards, and more importantly, attendance sheets, have the right name

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I just realized that it's going to take two weeks for them to actually start helping me, and at that point i'll have been dealing with this for over 2 months

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Also, last night I woke up around 00:30 because of a nightmare and stayed up for an hour convincing myself I wasn't about to die and trying to get my mind off of it. 

I was hoping it would get better but it just seems to be getting worse, and the fears are growing more and more irrational.

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I'm really angry at one of my not-so-close friends because she did something really flipping dumb. She's really lucky it didn't end badly. Seriously, who  thinks it's a good idea to take a pill when you don't know what it is????? Like, get a brain. I'm so mad..............................and worried. At least it was only a tylenol. But all hell, jeez

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1 minute ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I'm really angry at one of my not-so-close friends because she did something really flipping dumb. She's really lucky it didn't end badly. Seriously, who  thinks it's a good idea to take a pill when you don't know what it is????? Like, get a brain. I'm so mad..............................and worried. At least it was only a tylenol. But all hell, jeez

I make it sound like she just found a pill and took it. Essentially someone in our table group put one on my desk, and I was like 'uh, no' and she just grabbed it, asked the person if they knew what it was, (He said yes) and she took it. Only after did she actually ask WHAT IT WAS. Hellsdamn that was a dumb decision. 

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8 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I make it sound like she just found a pill and took it. Essentially someone in our table group put one on my desk, and I was like 'uh, no' and she just grabbed it, asked the person if they knew what it was, (He said yes) and she took it. Only after did she actually ask WHAT IT WAS. Hellsdamn that was a dumb decision. 

Hey there,

How is your friend doing now? It could have ended badly as you said, and hopefully she wouldn't take such a risk again as the pill could have been anything. How are you feeling about it?

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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21 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Also, last night I woke up around 00:30 because of a nightmare and stayed up for an hour convincing myself I wasn't about to die and trying to get my mind off of it. 

I was hoping it would get better but it just seems to be getting worse, and the fears are growing more and more irrational.

I saw that Monsoon has already replied to you regarding your friend taking that tablet so I thought I would get back to you about your fears and the thoughts you've been having. It's great that you're getting support from the school now. Although I'm sorry you're going to have to wait for two weeks. I can imagine that that probably seems like a long time. 

I've gone back over some of the things you've been telling us about the scenarios you've been imagining and I'm wondering whether you might be having intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are thoughts or images, that pop into our head and are often upsetting or distressing. They are often unusual for the person who is having them and not like their usual thoughts, eg it might be a really violent thought and these thoughts keep coming back. 

Intrusive thoughts are very common and lots of people will get them at some point in their life. However, when we keep getting these thoughts, it can be really stressful and make us feel unsettled. The problem with intrusive thoughts is that the more you try to push them away, the more they keep coming back, which is really frustrating. It sounds to me like this is what is happening to you at the moment. Is that right? 

What can help in these situations is, to not try and fight the thought. I know this sounds odd, as you probably just want the thoughts to go away. However, the more we try and fight them the more they keep coming back. Instead you could try and identify it as an intrusive thought and tell yourself that it is just a thought. It isn't a prediction of what could happen and it isn't real. Try and tell yourself it doesn't mean anything, it isn't what you believe and it isn't something that you want to do/or that will happen to you. How does that sound? Do you think you could try this out for a couple of days and let me know how you get on?  

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12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

How is your friend doing now? It could have ended badly as you said, and hopefully she wouldn't take such a risk again as the pill could have been anything. How are you feeling about it?

She's doing fine. I am going to start yelling at her if she brings it up again, I don't care how that results. I mean, I'll try to be fair, but she really needs to understand that she got really, really lucky

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27 minutes ago, Aurora said:

I saw that Monsoon has already replied to you regarding your friend taking that tablet so I thought I would get back to you about your fears and the thoughts you've been having. It's great that you're getting support from the school now. Although I'm sorry you're going to have to wait for two weeks. I can imagine that that probably seems like a long time. 

I've gone back over some of the things you've been telling us about the scenarios you've been imagining and I'm wondering whether you might be having intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are thoughts or images, that pop into our head and are often upsetting or distressing. They are often unusual for the person who is having them and not like their usual thoughts, eg it might be a really violent thought and these thoughts keep coming back. 

Intrusive thoughts are very common and lots of people will get them at some point in their life. However, when we keep getting these thoughts, it can be really stressful and make us feel unsettled. The problem with intrusive thoughts is that the more you try to push them away, the more they keep coming back, which is really frustrating. It sounds to me like this is what is happening to you at the moment. Is that right? 

What can help in these situations is, to not try and fight the thought. I know this sounds odd, as you probably just want the thoughts to go away. However, the more we try and fight them the more they keep coming back. Instead you could try and identify it as an intrusive thought and tell yourself that it is just a thought. It isn't a prediction of what could happen and it isn't real. Try and tell yourself it doesn't mean anything, it isn't what you believe and it isn't something that you want to do/or that will happen to you. How does that sound? Do you think you could try this out for a couple of days and let me know how you get on?  

That sounds accurate, yeah

I've given up on fighting them, I just let them play out and try to keep myself somewhat calm. I'll try more on that, though, and i'll tell you how it goes

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7 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

She's doing fine. I am going to start yelling at her if she brings it up again, I don't care how that results. I mean, I'll try to be fair, but she really needs to understand that she got really, really lucky

I wouldnt blame you. It sounds to me like your friend didnt realise how unsafe of a situation she put herself in.

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On 10/7/2022 at 12:24 PM, Thisboiistrans said:

I wouldnt blame you. It sounds to me like your friend didnt realise how unsafe of a situation she put herself in.

Thank you, thats exactly why

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Also I kind of fell apart earlier, but the fears are still relevant right now. I'm going to paste in two texts that I sent to my friends

 

"Honestly i want to just give up and fall back and let other me take control.  I’m so tired of fighting. Maybe other me will do a better job"

"I just hate myself. I don’t feel like I’m good enough, I’m paranoid, I’m impatient with the wrong people, I don’t even know what my interests are! I just have the feeling that I don’t belong. I don’t even know what i live for. And I’m scared. I guess that’s the big thing. I’m scared and i cant even deal with it"

I don't know what to do

 

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9 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Also I kind of fell apart earlier, but the fears are still relevant right now. I'm going to paste in two texts that I sent to my friends

"Honestly i want to just give up and fall back and let other me take control.  I’m so tired of fighting. Maybe other me will do a better job"

"I just hate myself. I don’t feel like I’m good enough, I’m paranoid, I’m impatient with the wrong people, I don’t even know what my interests are! I just have the feeling that I don’t belong. I don’t even know what i live for. And I’m scared. I guess that’s the big thing. I’m scared and i cant even deal with it"

I don't know what to do

Hey @Emberfrost12

I just want to check in and see how you're feeling? From what you've said, it kind of sounds like you might be thinking of ending things. This might be me being overly cautious, but I just wanted to check if you're safe or not? If you aren't, it's okay to feel that, and we can help you manage these feelings. We are here for you. 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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7 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

Maybe ask her why she felt the need to do it? Dic she feel pressured or was it an impulsive thing? 

It was definitely impulsive

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5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Emberfrost12

I just want to check in and see how you're feeling? From what you've said, it kind of sounds like you might be thinking of ending things. This might be me being overly cautious, but I just wanted to check if you're safe or not? If you aren't, it's okay to feel that, and we can help you manage these feelings. We are here for you. 

No, I'm not thinking about ending things. More like retreating into my thoughts and building walls so that nothing ever bothers me again.

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On 10/7/2022 at 6:54 PM, Thisboiistrans said:

Auuroraa I think I may be having intrusive thoughts. Everything you just described happens to me on a regular basis

Thanks for sharing that with me. Would you like to tell me a bit more about it (you can also send me a confidential support request if you prefer) or do you want to try what I suggested to Emberfrost12 and see how you get on? 

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On 10/7/2022 at 7:09 PM, Thisboiistrans said:

Didmt meam to drag your name out there lol

Haha, no problem - quite like it 😉

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21 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

No, I'm not thinking about ending things. More like retreating into my thoughts and building walls so that nothing ever bothers me again.

I'm glad to hear you're not thinking about ending things. It sounds like you're feeling like you want to shut people out. Is that right? Has something in particular triggered this, do you think? 

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On 10/7/2022 at 7:18 PM, Emberfrost12 said:

That sounds accurate, yeah

I've given up on fighting them, I just let them play out and try to keep myself somewhat calm. I'll try more on that, though, and i'll tell you how it goes

When you say that you've given up on fighting them, have you tried to actively tell yourself that they are just thoughts and that they are not real. And that they don't mean anything? 

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4 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thanks for sharing that with me. Would you like to tell me a bit more about it (you can also send me a confidential support request if you prefer) or do you want to try what I suggested to Emberfrost12 and see how you get on? 

I'd prefer to send a private message 

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