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Crush-Relationship chaos!!!


Alone_Cupid
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So before-hand, me and this guy wanted to see how dating was like to 'try the experience', and surprise surprise, like my stupid hopeless romantic self, I fell for him. Before this, we had established that if any of us developed feelings after we dated we would tell the other. Therefore, I told him.  Keep in mind that although I knew he didn't like me, he DID send signals that did seem like it. 

After I told him, I told him that since he didn't like me, he could break-up with me because it might be awkward for him but he insisted that even though he didn't like me, he didn't want to because 'he would be sad and he wouldn't want to date anyone but me'. 

So now I'm torn because although he is soooo sweet and it makes me happy to be with him, is it really fair to me AND him if we stay together?

Apologies if this doesn't make sense, I'm just really flustered! ^^

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

In any relationship, there has to be a good balance and equal feelings for it to be healthy, and although he says he doesn't like you, he is giving mixed signals and might be doing so because he's scared, what do you think? I think he could be nervous about committing perhaps, because it wouldn't make sense for him to say he would be sad to break up and wouldn't want to date anyone else if he didn't like you like that. 

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17 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

In any relationship, there has to be a good balance and equal feelings for it to be healthy, and although he says he doesn't like you, he is giving mixed signals and might be doing so because he's scared, what do you think? I think he could be nervous about committing perhaps, because it wouldn't make sense for him to say he would be sad to break up and wouldn't want to date anyone else if he didn't like you like that. 

I guess that makes sense. I thought about that… It’s just that I don’t think he would like someone like me ^^ (and also the fact that none of the guys I’ve liked has ever liked me back so goin good…)

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  • Digital Mentor
9 hours ago, Alone_Cupid said:

I guess that makes sense. I thought about that… It’s just that I don’t think he would like someone like me ^^ (and also the fact that none of the guys I’ve liked has ever liked me back so goin good…)

Hi there, I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors. Can you tell me a bit more about why you don't think he would like you? 

 

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On 8/16/2022 at 5:18 AM, Blondie said:

Hi there, I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors. Can you tell me a bit more about why you don't think he would like you? 

 

Well uhhh I don't think he would like me because of a couple (hundred) reasons lol: 

1. I'm not considered exactly 'good looking' and he seems to have high standards on both looks and personality (eg. sporty and for me? ew sports)

2.  He won't like go out of his way to talk to me and when he wants to tell me something about our relationship he says it on our private chat like its something to hide

3. He told me directly he doesn't like anyone, and told me too. Besides, he hasn't  like anyone in around 7ish years.

4.  One time I had jokingly said I might like him and he made vomiting noises aha

5. (and most obviously) he rejected me :)))

 

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13 hours ago, Alone_Cupid said:

Well uhhh I don't think he would like me because of a couple (hundred) reasons lol: 

1. I'm not considered exactly 'good looking' and he seems to have high standards on both looks and personality (eg. sporty and for me? ew sports)

2.  He won't like go out of his way to talk to me and when he wants to tell me something about our relationship he says it on our private chat like its something to hide

3. He told me directly he doesn't like anyone, and told me too. Besides, he hasn't  like anyone in around 7ish years.

4.  One time I had jokingly said I might like him and he made vomiting noises aha

5. (and most obviously) he rejected me :)))

Hi there, it sounds like he's not being interested in anyone and wonder if he's embarrassed to talk F2F about relationship things?  

And when it comes to looks, I know it sounds cliche but this doesn't really matter so many people!  

Oh, and I agree on the sports!

Trguk GIF by BBC Three

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12 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hi there, it sounds like he's not being interested in anyone and wonder if he's embarrassed to talk F2F about relationship things?  

And when it comes to looks, I know it sounds cliche but this doesn't really matter so many people!  

Oh, and I agree on the sports!

Trguk GIF by BBC Three

haha yeah abt sports.

and yeah i can see ur reasoning, im just bad of getting of the insecurity cycle, im fine tho thank you for discussing it! :)

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7 hours ago, Alone_Cupid said:

haha yeah abt sports.

and yeah i can see ur reasoning, im just bad of getting of the insecurity cycle, im fine tho thank you for discussing it! :)

I think we are all great at listing off negative things about ourselves but terrible at thinking about the good stuff!

What 3 things do you like about yourself? It can be anything from handwriting to listening skills to your eyebrows 🙂

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On 8/18/2022 at 11:53 PM, Blondie said:

I think we are all great at listing off negative things about ourselves but terrible at thinking about the good stuff!

What 3 things do you like about yourself? It can be anything from handwriting to listening skills to your eyebrows 🙂

Ahh now I have to think hard… Ok I like how I’m social, I have nice eyes, and i’m great at flirting :))). Hbu?

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8 hours ago, Alone_Cupid said:

Ahh now I have to think hard… Ok I like how I’m social, I have nice eyes, and i’m great at flirting :))). Hbu?

That's great. Can you tell me another three things? When we have negative thoughts about ourselves, it can be helpful to replace these with helpful, more positive ones. Over time, doing this will really help you to view yourself in a different way and this is because we all have the ability to improve our self-esteem. What do you think?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Sorry I replied sooo late. I guess I agree with thinking positive things about ourselves but I can't really think of 3 more things..

maybe, i have ok fashion sense, i can read a room, and i can make someone smile ?

On 8/21/2022 at 4:53 AM, Monsoon said:

That's great. Can you tell me another three things? When we have negative thoughts about ourselves, it can be helpful to replace these with helpful, more positive ones. Over time, doing this will really help you to view yourself in a different way and this is because we all have the ability to improve our self-esteem. What do you think?

 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Thank you for sharing those extra positives with me; how did it feel for you to come up with those? I'm wondering, could it be helpful to replace your negative thoughts about yourself with more positive ones for a set period and see what change it has for you?

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