Coming out to indian parents!!! help

[V Patel]

So yeah what the Title is ,

I am 20 yo Boy and i am and i wanna come out to my parents . but in india if you're indian you would understand that homosexuality is not appreciated my parents are old school type and we never discuss about any lgbt topics on dinner table(not that that words are forbidden in my house) and i currently live far from home doing my engineering last year. And FYI i have big sister to share things but i don't share with her about my sexuality they all just assume i am gonna find a girl but i think i am bisexual and that hurts my feelings that my family assumes that i would end up with a girl. and there are highly chances that they could kick me outta home or stop talking with me or forcefully set up marriage with some girl so how can i come out in this situation i come from socity where some years ago and still now to some extent love marriage is forbidden in many families and there is arrange marriage concept. This all i explained because you'll get an image of our socity so. should i wait until i am financially independent cuz i got a good job at IT company so should i wait some years like 5-6 years and bury my feelings? suggest me i am in so much tension that what should i do in this situation.

[Aurora]

3 hours ago, V Patel said:

So yeah what the Title is ,

I am 20 yo Boy and i am and i wanna come out to my parents . but in india if you're indian you would understand that homosexuality is not appreciated my parents are old school type and we never discuss about any lgbt topics on dinner table(not that that words are forbidden in my house) and i currently live far from home doing my engineering last year. And FYI i have big sister to share things but i don't share with her about my sexuality they all just assume i am gonna find a girl but i think i am bisexual and that hurts my feelings that my family assumes that i would end up with a girl. and there are highly chances that they could kick me outta home or stop talking with me or forcefully set up marriage with some girl so how can i come out in this situation i come from socity where some years ago and still now to some extent love marriage is forbidden in many families and there is arrange marriage concept. This all i explained because you'll get an image of our socity so. should i wait until i am financially independent cuz i got a good job at IT company so should i wait some years like 5-6 years and bury my feelings? suggest me i am in so much tension that what should i do in this situation.

Hi @V Patel, welcome to the community . I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those that reach out to us. I'm really glad you found us. I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult situation at the moment. Please know that you are not alone and there are lots of others facing the same situation as you. 

I can understand that you want to come out to your parents and live authentically but from what you are saying I'm wondering whether it might not be the right time yet. The most important thing is that you are safe and from what you mentioned it sounds like you're not sure if it will be safe to tell your parents. I know you said that you don't discuss any topics around sexuality at the dinner table but I'm wondering whether there might be a good time that you could maybe ask their views on the LGBTQ+ community and see what they say. That might give you a better idea of how they might react if you came out to them. What do you think? 

[V Patel]

50 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Hi @V Patel, welcome to the community . I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those that reach out to us. I'm really glad you found us. I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult situation at the moment. Please know that you are not alone and there are lots of others facing the same situation as you. 

I can understand that you want to come out to your parents and live authentically but from what you are saying I'm wondering whether it might not be the right time yet. The most important thing is that you are safe and from what you mentioned it sounds like you're not sure if it will be safe to tell your parents. I know you said that you don't discuss any topics around sexuality at the dinner table but I'm wondering whether there might be a good time that you could maybe ask their views on the LGBTQ+ community and see what they say. That might give you a better idea of how they might react if you came out to them. What do you think? 

Sir/ma'am i think what you are saying, I agree with that but i think i cannot open up to ask about lgbt out of the blue and i generally live outta town to attend college so we don't discuss much i was thinking i can come out when i have a decent salary. Is it okay to wait few years. It seems like if i ask about lgbt they might force me to come out so my parents are chill generally i presume that they might accept me 60 to 90 % so is it okay to wait until i am financially stable? What do you think?

[Aurora]

1 minute ago, V Patel said:

Sir/ma'am i think what you are saying, I agree with that but i think i cannot open up to ask about lgbt out of the blue and i generally live outta town to attend college so we don't discuss much i was thinking i can come out when i have a decent salary. Is it okay to wait few years. It seems like if i ask about lgbt they might force me to come out so my parents are chill generally i presume that they might accept me 60 to 90 % so is it okay to wait until i am financially stable? What do you think?

Sure, I understand what you are saying. It's great to hear that you think there is a good chance they will accept who you are. It's good to trust our own instincts and parents are often much more accepting when it comes to their own children. What do you think? It's really important though that you feel ready to come out and there is no rush. If you would prefer to wait until you are financially stable then that's absolutely fine and if you do decide to tell them earlier then that's absolutely fine, too. I would suggest that you do, what feels right for you. 

You said that you have an older sister, who you share things with. Do you think you might feel more comfortable coming out to her first? Do you think she would be supportive? She might be able to support you, when you feel ready to tell your parents. What do you think?

[V Patel]

27 minutes ago, Aurora said:

Sure, I understand what you are saying. It's great to hear that you think there is a good chance they will accept who you are. It's good to trust our own instincts and parents are often much more accepting when it comes to their own children. What do you think? It's really important though that you feel ready to come out and there is no rush. If you would prefer to wait until you are financially stable then that's absolutely fine and if you do decide to tell them earlier then that's absolutely fine, too. I would suggest that you do, what feels right for you. 

You said that you have an older sister, who you share things with. Do you think you might feel more comfortable coming out to her first? Do you think she would be supportive? She might be able to support you, when you feel ready to tell your parents. What do you think?

Yes i would be able to come out to her she would understand but i am not sure before i settle down so i've decided to do that after that thank you for your suggestion though i really appreciate that.I am really grateful to people here who is helping a lot.