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So I posted something saying feeling better. And asked how do I tell my bf that I rather go by a different set pronouns. But now I keep hearing him talking to his ex. We will call her Lilly. Lilly is bi and has a girlfriend now. I am jealous bc she can pull both and I can’t but I am also jealous bc she has perfect everything. My boyfriend is still friends with her and talks to her all the time. It keeps making me jealous and messing with my head thinking I need to change. I know my bf dose not mean to make me jealous but it kinda is. A little background( me and his ex never got along bc of some stuff happening. I was stupid and confronted her too early and was annoyed bc her friends hate me and bully me. Long story short I almost got beat up so me and her have some not so good history. Also bc her and her friends keep mis gendering my friends as a “joke”) I don’t know what to do anymore bc every time I ask her to stop texting my bf she keeps doing it. I feel bad bc I don’t want to beg for attention but I fell like I have too and I want to trust my bf but sometimes it is hard when he is still texting Lilly 

 

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  • Digital Mentor
3 hours ago, Tater tots said:

So I posted something saying feeling better. And asked how do I tell my bf that I rather go by a different set pronouns. But now I keep hearing him talking to his ex. We will call her Lilly. Lilly is bi and has a girlfriend now. I am jealous bc she can pull both and I can’t but I am also jealous bc she has perfect everything. My boyfriend is still friends with her and talks to her all the time. It keeps making me jealous and messing with my head thinking I need to change. I know my bf dose not mean to make me jealous but it kinda is. A little background( me and his ex never got along bc of some stuff happening. I was stupid and confronted her too early and was annoyed bc her friends hate me and bully me. Long story short I almost got beat up so me and her have some not so good history. Also bc her and her friends keep mis gendering my friends as a “joke”) I don’t know what to do anymore bc every time I ask her to stop texting my bf she keeps doing it. I feel bad bc I don’t want to beg for attention but I fell like I have too and I want to trust my bf but sometimes it is hard when he is still texting Lilly 

Hey,

I noticed what you said about how this keeps messing with your head, making you think you need to change. Can you tell me more about why you feel you need to change?

Also, with the bullying, have you told any adults about what's going on so that they can help?

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I feel like I need to change to make him more happy. He hasn’t had the best experience with dating and I don’t want to add to it along with I feel I am fighting for attention when he talks to his ex. We were talking and he said he still has some feelings for her but loves me more. And he just blocked her but I feel kinda bad bc I might have just ruined their friendship. About the bullying we have talked to someone but the school sucks and no one really dose anything about mostly because those girls have the high ground with the teachers.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

That must have been really hard for you to hear that he still has some feelings for her, especially given what you've said around feeling like you need to change to make him more happy. How was it for you when you heard that? From what you've said already, I can imagine that that was the last thing you needed to hear, and I'm sorry it happened.

Also, with the bullying, have you told your parents at all yet? 

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Well I felt kinda bad because I was the reason he and his ex broke up so I decided to talk it out and he said he never ment for that to hurt me and he block the other girl.I have talked to my parents about the girls but I was told to try and stay away from them since the last time we spoke it almost started a fight

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  • Digital Mentor
18 hours ago, Tater tots said:

Well I felt kinda bad because I was the reason he and his ex broke up so I decided to talk it out and he said he never ment for that to hurt me and he block the other girl.I have talked to my parents about the girls but I was told to try and stay away from them since the last time we spoke it almost started a fight

Hey there,

How do you feel about moving forward now that he has blocked her? What impact do you think the blocking will have on your relationship?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel a lot better after this and I feel that him blocking his ex some how strengthen our relationship and trust in each other. Along with showing his loyalty to me. It truly feels a lot better and he also feels better knowing that we both can now trust  each other 

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13 hours ago, Tater tots said:

I feel a lot better after this and I feel that him blocking his ex some how strengthen our relationship and trust in each other. Along with showing his loyalty to me. It truly feels a lot better and he also feels better knowing that we both can now trust  each other 

Hey,

I'm really glad to hear you're feeling better. I'm just wondering as well, how are you feeling knowing that he still has feelings for her as well? What was that like for you to hear? 

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I mean hearing that did damage our relationship a little and I keep doubting myself about everything he says and dose and it is hard to trust him a little. And it doesn’t help that it is hard for me to feel anything in a relationship. Honestly I think me and him might break up for a short break because he is a really sweet dude but I do want to meet some new people to try and figure myself out too.And I feel he should too. But I don’t know.

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  • Digital Mentor
15 hours ago, Tater tots said:

I mean hearing that did damage our relationship a little and I keep doubting myself about everything he says and dose and it is hard to trust him a little. And it doesn’t help that it is hard for me to feel anything in a relationship. Honestly I think me and him might break up for a short break because he is a really sweet dude but I do want to meet some new people to try and figure myself out too.And I feel he should too. But I don’t know.

Yeah, I can totally understand why you feel as if the relationship has been hurt by this news. I think it's really important that you communicate your feelings to him, especially around how you would like to take a short break. What do you think?

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So I broke up with him and he was very sad but I don’t believe I had romantic feelings for him. More of the fact it was what my parents and friends wanted. Now for me is probably not the best time to date anyone because of  stuff going on at home and me still trying to love my self. It probably was the best bet to break up and take a break and I feel a lot better knowing I’m not leading him on. 

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  • Digital Mentor
19 hours ago, Tater tots said:

So I broke up with him and he was very sad but I don’t believe I had romantic feelings for him. More of the fact it was what my parents and friends wanted. Now for me is probably not the best time to date anyone because of  stuff going on at home and me still trying to love my self. It probably was the best bet to break up and take a break and I feel a lot better knowing I’m not leading him on. 

It sounds like you're pretty confident in your choice to break up which is positive, and I hope this space brings you the clarity and progress you're hoping for. Would you like anymore support for now, or are you alright? I just wanted to check as I noticed you mentioned that there is stuff going on at home. 

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I’m alright for now with the stuff going on at home. I talked to a friend who had the same stuff going on and he helped me. I am also very glad I broke up with my boyfriend because he is now being very toxic to me  and a close friend saying we ruined his whole life and he won’t stop till he dates me again and called my friend a stupid blonde bitch. So I’m glad we are over. And I will probably stick to dating women for now. Thanks so much for your help. 

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4 hours ago, Tater tots said:

I’m alright for now with the stuff going on at home. I talked to a friend who had the same stuff going on and he helped me. I am also very glad I broke up with my boyfriend because he is now being very toxic to me  and a close friend saying we ruined his whole life and he won’t stop till he dates me again and called my friend a stupid blonde bitch. So I’m glad we are over. And I will probably stick to dating women for now. Thanks so much for your help. 

Hey,

Just before we finish up here, I want to check, are you safe at home? You can tell us absolutely anything, and if you'd like to speak privately, you can click 'Confidential Support' at the top of the page. 

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Yeah stuff at home is ok. My mom has a hard time excepting me and the other day she called me a hooker. She makes fun of my eating a few times. And try’s to force me to talk to her. My father never opens up to me and my sister is kinda bratty and mean to me. But I’m used to it all at this point. It sometimes can get unbearable. And it worries me a little because I think my mom is finding out I’m not her straight little “girl” anymore. But she is trying to adjust 

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Hey,

I'm really sorry that she has been making fun of you and called you a hooker. You shouldn't have to be used to that kind of behaviour. Have you spoken to them about how this makes you feel? 

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21 hours ago, Tater tots said:

I mean I try but she normally dosnt say anything about it. My grandma is gonna try to tell her since she listens to my grandma 

Yeah, I think that would be really helpful, especially as it will come from someone else which usually means the person ends up listening more because the person communicating the issue is kind of an outsider to the situation. Do you think you'll go ahead with it? Also, how has your mom been since she called you a hooker?

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She’s been ok ig. She did get mad at me for buying a vest and dosnt like the way I dress much but she is letting me slowly express myself. I am now cutting my hair to help with my gender crisis.( that she dosnt know of) And I am now aloud to dye my hair as well so I say it’s a bit of ups and downs. But we are getting there and slowly building our relationship up again one brick at a time. 

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