eating disorder Tw: talks about restricted eating, and vomiting, and talks about eating disorders. . HELP

[Monsoon]

11 hours ago, -Axel- said:

I don't have negative feelings towards them it's just let me do what I want. Like I'm fine I'm not gonna kill myself buy like I can't do anything anyway so not sure what's there problem is

I'm wondering, do you know when you might have more freedom again? Have you spoken with them about things like that?

[_Leila_]

14 hours ago, Monsoon said:

I'm wondering, do you know when you might have more freedom again? Have you spoken with them about things like that?

I'm not even talking to anyone as I just want to be gone

[Monsoon]

I'm sorry to hear that. When you say you want to be gone, does that mean you don't want to live anymore? 

[_Leila_]

53 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

I'm sorry to hear that. When you say you want to be gone, does that mean you don't want to live anymore? 

Yea but I know I've just had enough of my eating etc.

[Monsoon]

Hey. Thank you for being open with me and sharing that. Can I ask, have you made a plan to take your own life again? I just want you to know that we are always here for you and we will do whatever we can to support you. Take care and stay safe. 

[_Leila_]

15 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey. Thank you for being open with me and sharing that. Can I ask, have you made a plan to take your own life again? I just want you to know that we are always here for you and we will do whatever we can to support you. Take care and stay safe. 

No I haven't. But I've just tried eating a small meal but I feel horribly sick. I don't know if it's normal but honestly I'm not eating for the life of me. But I am doing good weight wise because my goal was to be skinny and I am looking weight. Not sure if I can say what weight I am? Maybe can we discuss this in private? So I can go into detail because I don't want to trigger the Community and I respect the rules. Sorry.

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, -Axel- said:

No I haven't. But I've just tried eating a small meal but I feel horribly sick. I don't know if it's normal but honestly I'm not eating for the life of me. But I am doing good weight wise because my goal was to be skinny and I am looking weight. Not sure if I can say what weight I am? Maybe can we discuss this in private? So I can go into detail because I don't want to trigger the Community and I respect the rules. Sorry.

Hey,

I will send you a message now. Speak soon. 

[_Leila_]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I will send you a message now. Speak soon. 

Thank you

[urfavekpopstan !]

On 5/30/2022 at 1:29 PM, -Axel- said:

So I am struggling to eat more then one meal each day, some days I go without eating anything I can have like a small meal but then feel sick previously I've struggled with eating and making myself sick but I am loosing weight, I went to get my jab for contraception and the nurse said you are unweighted for your height and I went back for it again a couple of weeks ago and she said that I haven't put on weight which I thought I would of done because I thought I was eating enough but im not. If I don't eat my tummy hurts, but if I do eat I choke sort of thing and it hurts my body because I'm not actually choking I'm just reacting to having food inside of me. I've never had an eating disorder before, but I've suffered or had problems with eating and restricting what I'll eat etc. But it went for about a year but now it's come back, yes I am trying to loose weight but like I'm also trying to put on weight because I know the side affects of what it can do to you and I don't want to be put into hospital. So I'm kinda stuck, and after when I do eat I have tummy pains maybe that's because its telling me that not eating qnd then eating isn't helping my digestive system. But I cannot control my thoughts on this.. helppp.

I know or I think some of these feelings about not wanting to eat has to do with my body image and how I see myself  I've never been someone with a lot of weight I've been thin since I was tiny, but I blame myself for this because if I started eating maybe I would of not been in this position. My mum told me during growing up I didn't used to eat a lot, she used to offer me all sorts of food to try get me to eat, but I just wouldn't.  She took me to the doctor but I don't think anything happened ( I cant remember I was a tiny child). I often feel like I have to be like that instragram model who has a perfect shape, but I get told I have but I just can't see that. That's why I just want to be 'skinny' or 'perfect body' so that people would like me the way I am.

I am really sorry you had to go through that no one deserves that :( Just know we are here to support you! Also, you are perfect just the way you are, to be honest, instagram models are always photoshopped. I went through a similar problem and no one helped me, I overcame it all by myself, I was like on the verge of having anorexia. If I could overcome this, so can you and I believe in you!!

[_Leila_]

4 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

I am really sorry you had to go through that no one deserves that :( Just know we are here to support you! Also, you are perfect just the way you are, to be honest, instagram models are always photoshopped. I went through a similar problem and no one helped me, I overcame it all by myself, I was like on the verge of having anorexia. If I could overcome this, so can you and I believe in you!!

Thank you