eating disorder Tw: talks about restricted eating, and vomiting, and talks about eating disorders. . HELP

[-Leila-]

So I am struggling to eat more then one meal each day, some days I go without eating anything I can have like a small meal but then feel sick previously I've struggled with eating and making myself sick but I am loosing weight, I went to get my jab for contraception and the nurse said you are unweighted for your height and I went back for it again a couple of weeks ago and she said that I haven't put on weight which I thought I would of done because I thought I was eating enough but im not. If I don't eat my tummy hurts, but if I do eat I choke sort of thing and it hurts my body because I'm not actually choking I'm just reacting to having food inside of me. I've never had an eating disorder before, but I've suffered or had problems with eating and restricting what I'll eat etc. But it went for about a year but now it's come back, yes I am trying to loose weight but like I'm also trying to put on weight because I know the side affects of what it can do to you and I don't want to be put into hospital. So I'm kinda stuck, and after when I do eat I have tummy pains maybe that's because its telling me that not eating qnd then eating isn't helping my digestive system. But I cannot control my thoughts on this.. helppp.

I know or I think some of these feelings about not wanting to eat has to do with my body image and how I see myself  I've never been someone with a lot of weight I've been thin since I was tiny, but I blame myself for this because if I started eating maybe I would of not been in this position. My mum told me during growing up I didn't used to eat a lot, she used to offer me all sorts of food to try get me to eat, but I just wouldn't.  She took me to the doctor but I don't think anything happened ( I cant remember I was a tiny child). I often feel like I have to be like that instragram model who has a perfect shape, but I get told I have but I just can't see that. That's why I just want to be 'skinny' or 'perfect body' so that people would like me the way I am.

Edited May 30, 2022 by -Leila-

[Blondie]

17 hours ago, -Leila- said:

So I am struggling to eat more then one meal each day, some days I go without eating anything I can have like a small meal but then feel sick previously I've struggled with eating and making myself sick but I am loosing weight, I went to get my jab for contraception and the nurse said you are unweighted for your height and I went back for it again a couple of weeks ago and she said that I haven't put on weight which I thought I would of done because I thought I was eating enough but im not. If I don't eat my tummy hurts, but if I do eat I choke sort of thing and it hurts my body because I'm not actually choking I'm just reacting to having food inside of me. I've never had an eating disorder before, but I've suffered or had problems with eating and restricting what I'll eat etc. But it went for about a year but now it's come back, yes I am trying to loose weight but like I'm also trying to put on weight because I know the side affects of what it can do to you and I don't want to be put into hospital. So I'm kinda stuck, and after when I do eat I have tummy pains maybe that's because its telling me that not eating qnd then eating isn't helping my digestive system. But I cannot control my thoughts on this.. helppp.

I know or I think some of these feelings about not wanting to eat has to do with my body image and how I see myself  I've never been someone with a lot of weight I've been thin since I was tiny, but I blame myself for this because if I started eating maybe I would of not been in this position. My mum told me during growing up I didn't used to eat a lot, she used to offer me all sorts of food to try get me to eat, but I just wouldn't.  She took me to the doctor but I don't think anything happened ( I cant remember I was a tiny child). I often feel like I have to be like that instragram model who has a perfect shape, but I get told I have but I just can't see that. That's why I just want to be 'skinny' or 'perfect body' so that people would like me the way I am.

Hey, thank you for sharing with us.

Firstly and genuinely, even the people on instagram don't look like that all the time. It takes hours to set up makeup, lighting, clothes, poses, background etc for a shoot or filming. I'd definitely encourage you to seek out some inspirational / positive accounts - great suggestions in this link: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/10-inspirational-instagram-women-you-need-to-follow-right-now/  Also, it's a good idea to really curate who you follow, so if an account doesn't make you feel good - unfollow.

Sometimes a good place to start with the issues you're experiencing is to get a medical check up to rule out anything medical that might be causing the tummy pain. 

How dos that sound?

[-Leila-]

I feel fat

I am so hungry 

[-Leila-]

I still can't even go down a isle without feeling poorly, I had a half a burger it was small out of the freezer but I can't stop but want to be thinner it's so difficult 

[Blondie]

1 hour ago, -Leila- said:

I still can't even go down a isle without feeling poorly, I had a half a burger it was small out of the freezer but I can't stop but want to be thinner it's so difficult 

What do you think to my point about getting a medical check up as a first step?

[-Leila-]

1 hour ago, Blondie said:

What do you think to my point about getting a medical check up as a first step?

I didnt see that sorry ill ask my mum to book me in

[-Leila-]

Feel so sick 

[Blondie]

3 hours ago, -Leila- said:

I didnt see that sorry ill ask my mum to book me in

No need to apologise! 
It’s definitely worth ruling out anything medical.

[-Leila-]

11 hours ago, Blondie said:

No need to apologise! 
It’s definitely worth ruling out anything medical.

My mum has got me an appointment, but I'm scared I'll get diagnosed with an eating disorder 

[Blondie]

34 minutes ago, -Leila- said:

My mum has got me an appointment, but I'm scared I'll get diagnosed with an eating disorder 

I'm glad you've got an appointment - will your mum come in with you or will you go in alone?

Usually on an initial appointment, they will have a general chat - it could be that they might say "some people that have these symptoms might have an eating disorder" or similar but in a way, that's reassuring that they are looking at all options. Although I do understand why this would be scary!

It's a good idea to take this one step at a time and we're with you all the way.

[-Leila-]

33 minutes ago, Blondie said:

I'm glad you've got an appointment - will your mum come in with you or will you go in alone?

Usually on an initial appointment, they will have a general chat - it could be that they might say "some people that have these symptoms might have an eating disorder" or similar but in a way, that's reassuring that they are looking at all options. Although I do understand why this would be scary!

It's a good idea to take this one step at a time and we're with you all the way.

It's today, at 4pm as my mum said that she's worried about my eating so yeah. I just hope it's just a moment thing, If I do get referred ill update you all! I'm just hoping it's just a sickness bug :( lol

[-Leila-]

I've been told to go to the hospital to see  a specialist

[Blondie]

1 hour ago, -Leila- said:

I've been told to go to the hospital to see  a specialist

It sounds like they might want to do some checks to rule out anything medical, which hopefully will ultimately be reassuring.

Do you know how long you will have to wait? 

[-Leila-]

7 minutes ago, Blondie said:

It sounds like they might want to do some checks to rule out anything medical, which hopefully will ultimately be reassuring.

Do you know how long you will have to wait? 

I'm currently in traffic with my mum, we had the hospital phone saying just come to the children's ward for reasons as you know.

[Blondie]

12 minutes ago, -Leila- said:

I'm currently in traffic with my mum, we had the hospital phone saying just come to the children's ward for reasons as you know.

Ah okay, let us know how you get on (if you want to of course). Sending lots of positive vibes.

[-Leila-]

Just now, Blondie said:

Ah okay, let us know how you get on (if you want to of course). Sending lots of positive vibes.

Thank you, Blondie.

[-Leila-]

Im staying in apparently things have gotten bad.

[Alice_in]

I know things seem bad right now but you will get through this and things will be okay.

[-Leila-]

10 minutes ago, Alice_in said:

I know things seem bad right now but you will get through this and things will be okay.

Thank you lovely, hugs!

[-Leila-]

They've put a canular in as I haven't got a lot or fluids, a psychiatrist is coming to see me tomorrow to sort out a plan as the hospital are thinking of putting me in a psych unit for specialist support.

[Blondie]

4 hours ago, -Leila- said:

They've put a canular in as I haven't got a lot or fluids, a psychiatrist is coming to see me tomorrow to sort out a plan as the hospital are thinking of putting me in a psych unit for specialist support.

I can imagine this is scary - is your mum with you for support?

Hopefully the fluids will make you start to feel physically better.

On a positive note, things should start to improve now you’re being looked after.

[-Leila-]

10 hours ago, Blondie said:

I can imagine this is scary - is your mum with you for support?

Hopefully the fluids will make you start to feel physically better.

On a positive note, things should start to improve now you’re being looked after.

My mum is with me yes. They are still discussing whether I'm being taken to a psych unit for more in depth support for my eating but at the moment I'm still not eating but the fluids are helping me.

[Blondie]

19 minutes ago, -Leila- said:

My mum is with me yes. They are still discussing whether I'm being taken to a psych unit for more in depth support for my eating but at the moment I'm still not eating but the fluids are helping me.

I’m glad you have your mum with you and that the fluids are helping.

We’re here for you.

[-Leila-]

3 minutes ago, Blondie said:

I’m glad you have your mum with you and that the fluids are helping.

We’re here for you.

Thank you. I'll keep you updated.

[-Leila-]

I'm going to try eat something but it's so hard because a nurse is telling me too