Am I bisexual??

[Moonlight74]

For two years ive been saying i was bisexual but im constantly questioning if im actually bi or just idk appriciate womens beauty. Ive always been more attracted to men but there has been some women too. Ive been told that my problem is probably being raised in a homophobiac family (minus one aunt) and so Im probably just struggling with accepting myself but idk. I just feel like i haven t been attracted to enough women to be consideded bisexual. I had like an internalized arguement with myself the other night cause i started worrying what if im not bi and i was like straight girls dont do that scooby. So then Im like what if I am not bi and just overly sexualize women but not actually attracted. I have had two relationships one was with a boy and the first time we dated it lasted for a week and then we tried again and it lasted six months. The second one was with a girl that legit only lasted two days cause I chickened out with all the what if im not bisexual and just leading her own and omg I Don t wanna end up hurting her cause it turns out im not bi. And now i think I might have a crush on my best friend (shes the same girl i tried to date for two days) but when ever I start liking imagining us together i panick and distract myself by daydreaming over my current favorite man celebrity. My mom has changed and now she jokes and says me and my best friend would be cute together and my step dad always jokes about how shes the one for me and i blush ( I haven t told either about my possible crush). I dont wanna even attempted talking to her about cause one: I doubt she still likes me. Two: what if she does so we try again just for me to panick and end it again or we try again and I turn out to be straight and hurt her. To make matters worse we have been talking about moving in together. I just want to figure out who I am before attempting anything cause i dont want to hurt her. It feels weird saying i might like her and it scares me. Im sorry if this got confusing im just tired of questioning if i really am

[Molly9090]

Hey, @Moonlight74!

If your parents are not homophobic, I suggest that you should try talking to them about this, as it can really clear things out. Are you sure that it might only be sexual attraction towards girls, or do you actually see yourself liking another girl not just because of her body, but also because of her personality/who she is? Try asking yourself this question to clear things up. Also, another point I wanna make; please, do not rush yourself. Questioning your sexuality is completely normal, and no one else has the right to say otherwise. Only you can judge what your preferences are, and if you imagine yourself with any man or woman, do your best to not panic, and simply let yourself imagine it to get a clearer picture. Letting yourself feel these emotions and preventing yourself from suppressing them can do wonders in helping you move forward and figure things out, as it would make you feel more comfortable in finding out your true identity. Once again, do not rush this process - take it in your own pace. There's nothing wrong with having little, or big crushes here and there.

Also, if you're worried about overly sexualizing women and confusing admiration of their beauty with attraction, try imagining a scenario with the most attractive woman you can create, without worrying. Imagine the date is going great, and imagine your girl with the type of personality you'd like her to have. How do you feel towards her? If she's pretty, are you willing to find out more about her? If so, why? After this, try imagining the same scenario with a man, and behave as naturally as possible with both of the genders. After that, try asking yourself some questions regarding your sexual and emotional attraction towards these genders. Hopefully that should clear things up! :)

[Moonlight74]

@molly9090

I tried talking to my step dad and he didnt hear my concerns he just said your probably actaully straight and then when onto ask if i ever kissed a girl and i was like no ive never kissed anyone so he said well you gotta actually experience the stuff to know (idk if thats true but i heard you didnt have to have any experience at all) with both men and women I can imagine myself with them as long as i dont actually know them personally otherwise I panick and deny the crush as hard as possible low key have a few of relationships cause almost everyone on my moms side was always in a toxic relationship (idk if it works like that but it kinda rubbed off on me that it would happen to me) I currently have this favorite woman celebrity who i make up little scenarios in my head for and it works but if I pause the story for just a second all this negative thoughts come in. Ive tried imagining dating my best friend who I might have a crush on but I cnat it feels weird and wrong cause we have known each other for so long. Ig I also tend to like women who are more cold and like badass?? I will try your advice when I go to lay down thank you

[Molly9090]

You're welcome! I'm glad it's helping so far, @Moonlight74.

Also, I'm sorry to hear your step-dad's response. But yes, you're right, you don't have to actually experience it sometimes, to know. Experiencing it does clear up a lot of the confusion, though, but I wouldn't count completely on it. Suggesting from your reply, though, are you afraid of maintaining a healthy relationship because of witnessing toxic ones in your family, by any chance? I know that toxic relationships being viewed in the eyes of a child can warp their perception of how relationships are supposed to be, which often leaves them confused, and afraid to experience relationships even if they are healthy, because the person afraid of being in a relationship is afraid of being hurt. I don't know if this is the case with you, and I don't have a right in saying so, but if it is by any chance, I recommend talking about this to your parents or a therapist. Not all relationships are toxic, and relationships do come with downsides. The important thing is that the relationships should have upsides that weigh down the downsides, or at least balance them out. If you're in a relationship where neither of you are happy, or one person is extremely hurt by being in a relationship due to any reason, then the relationship is often toxic. 

About the 'negative thoughts', you should really talk to a therapist about this... are you feeling anxious, or extremely sad, or both? It's better to get it checked by a therapist or a psychologist, just in case. Speaking from experience, it really helps. You should try it once you feel you're ready. :)

So you find it wrong to imagine dating your best friend. That's okay! It likely means (please correct me if I'm wrong) that you don't really find any sexual or romantic attraction towards her. You're likely just admiring her beauty, and just feel close to her as a best friend, which is completely okay!