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I'm slowly falling in love with a trans male who's one of my closest friends, but he's crushing on another girl... How do I move on, and not let this affect me negatively?


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I'm back!! I've been so busy with exams and coursework that I never thought I'd be able to log in anymore 😅

So an update: Remember the guy I was talking about? Yep, turns out he's not into that girl anymore (since she outed him without his permission, and she backstabs her friends by talking bad about them behind their backs), so... yeah. Plus, I think he's actually started liking me, now.

I told my friend group about my feelings for him (they're all mutual friends with him, too) and I've actually set a date to tell him how I feel!

Whoo, this is crazy... I've scheduled to tell him about my feelings for the past year next week, since we've got like a few months before graduating, so I might as well tell him about how I feel. The crazy bit is that he's started giving me some signals, too. The good ones: He's always open to my hugs, he lifted me once when hugging me, he's held my hand once and told me it was soft, and he actually flirted back with me when we were alone in a room when I complimented him!

...So, I think there's a slight chance he likes me back, if he doesn't think of me as a close friend, which I'm happy about. Two of my friends are supportive of my decision to tell him how I feel, whereas one other is reluctant because I'd end up hurting just in case it doesn't go well, or the group could stray apart/interactions between him and I might be awkward, and it could make the group feel awkward too, or I might stray apart from them as a result (which I reassured them it wouldn't, since it wouldn't be their fault) - but they're available for emotional support. As the date is nearing, though... I feel guilty for planning to do this. Like, am I selfish for wanting this? I was afraid of hurting him in the process (but my friend who's known him since childhood reassured me that this wouldn't exactly be the case for him, but it could for me) It's my first time actually falling in love, and since there's a few months before graduation, there may not be enough time to spend together if this does go well. These feelings for him are only growing to the point where I love him for the kind heart he's got, his supportiveness towards my goals (and when I came out to him as bi), and how he always puts a smile on literally everyone's faces, even when he's falling apart inside. I want to be there for him as much as he's there for everyone, and I want to make him feel good about himself (since he's got a lot of self-doubt and negativity inside him, no matter how much he tries to hide it). I love him so, so much, and he seriously deserves the world.

So, long story short; I'm finally gonna tell him next week about how I feel, but I feel selfish for doing so, and it might end up with us being happy while keeping it a secret (at least before leaving for university a few months later), staying as friends despite our feelings for each other (or it could be one-sided), or worst case scenario; things get too awkward for us. To be honest, even if we both have feelings for each other, I'd still be really happy to stay as friends, because meeting him was honestly one of the best things that could've ever happened to me. I've learnt a lot about myself by meeting him, and he's helped me feel better about myself so many times whenever I'm feeling down. I just don't want to lose him, that's all.

 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

It's lovely to hear from you again.

I am pleased to hear that you are going to share your feelings with him. I think that whatever the outcome, it's important to tell him how you feel as you might end up regretting it otherwise. I know that you feel selfish for doing it, but either way, whatever happens, I am sure you will feel a new sense of direction after telling him; do you know what I mean when I say sense of direction? If so, what do you think?

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@MonsoonHi, it's good to be back! ☺️

I think I know what you mean - like the realization that this decision could end up going either way, and would open up different opportunities and lead somewhere if it goes well, and give me time to move on if it's the opposite. So far, though, things seem good, and I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. 🤞

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, fingers crossed here too, and we hope you get the answer you are looking for. Would you like anymore support with this at the moment, or are you alright? Speak soon. 

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@Monsoon I think I'm okay for now, thanks. I'm just really nervous about this, but I've set myself a target that I need to follow, so I should do it now, since I might not get an opportunity to do this again. Once it's done, I'll post an update about it and see how it goes!

Thank you so, so much for your support, it means a lot to me. ^^ ♥️

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  • Digital Mentor
9 hours ago, Molly9090 said:

@Monsoon I think I'm okay for now, thanks. I'm just really nervous about this, but I've set myself a target that I need to follow, so I should do it now, since I might not get an opportunity to do this again. Once it's done, I'll post an update about it and see how it goes!

Thank you so, so much for your support, it means a lot to me. ^^ ♥️

Hey there,

That's okay! Good luck with it all :) 

  • Thanks 1

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