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A very long essay about me wanting to come out


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Hi, I don't exactly know how forums work, but I saw this while I was reading an article about bisexuality. I guess I just clicked on it in hopes of someone hearing me out. 

I was around 15 years old when I had suspicions about myself being bisexual. But I just recently accepted my identity. Now, I'm kind of realizing that growing up, I did like girls. I just wasn't entertaining the thought because, well, I thought it wasn't normal. Even now, I feel kind of embarrassed just thinking and writing about it.

I know to myself that I want to come out. God, I know that would feel so good, but it's so hard to do. There were times when I wanted to tell someone so bad, anyone that I trust. And I feel so unmovable at those moments, like it's really gonna happen. I'm actually gonna tell someone. But as soon as I start the conversation about what they think towards the LGBT community, tiptoeing around the topic, I feel my confidence constantly shrink. People I trust would suddenly say something that would make me back out at the last minute. And I know they would accept me if I come out, but the tone they use while talking to me about bisexuality, or being gay, or any other gender, reeks so much of condescension. I feel like everything would change if I said something.

Is it bad that I don't want to "say something" to them? I just want to leave hints in hopes of them figuring it out by themselves. And when they do, I don't want them to address it. I just want our lives to continue the way it was without them thinking I'm a different person now. 

Hoping someone would read this, I really feel like I need a safe space and someone to talk to about my sexuality. It's hard figuring everything out by myself. 

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I may be younger but let me tell you

If you drop hints dont make them too subtle

If you want to come out at your age

MAKE SURE YOU CAN SUPPORT YOUR FINE SELF FINANCIALLY 

also

You.have.every.right.to be yourself. 

And wether they accept you or not is their choice

They do not control you

You are a grown adult now. Just be you

What do you want? Not your family.

You.

Thanks for reading this hope it helps

Me xxx

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, blue arrows said:

Hi, I don't exactly know how forums work, but I saw this while I was reading an article about bisexuality. I guess I just clicked on it in hopes of someone hearing me out. 

I was around 15 years old when I had suspicions about myself being bisexual. But I just recently accepted my identity. Now, I'm kind of realizing that growing up, I did like girls. I just wasn't entertaining the thought because, well, I thought it wasn't normal. Even now, I feel kind of embarrassed just thinking and writing about it.

I know to myself that I want to come out. God, I know that would feel so good, but it's so hard to do. There were times when I wanted to tell someone so bad, anyone that I trust. And I feel so unmovable at those moments, like it's really gonna happen. I'm actually gonna tell someone. But as soon as I start the conversation about what they think towards the LGBT community, tiptoeing around the topic, I feel my confidence constantly shrink. People I trust would suddenly say something that would make me back out at the last minute. And I know they would accept me if I come out, but the tone they use while talking to me about bisexuality, or being gay, or any other gender, reeks so much of condescension. I feel like everything would change if I said something.

Is it bad that I don't want to "say something" to them? I just want to leave hints in hopes of them figuring it out by themselves. And when they do, I don't want them to address it. I just want our lives to continue the way it was without them thinking I'm a different person now. 

Hoping someone would read this, I really feel like I need a safe space and someone to talk to about my sexuality. It's hard figuring everything out by myself. 

Hey there,

Thank you for coming to us for advice on this - we are here to hear you out :)

I think that it's pretty common to wonder about how things might change by coming out, and in the end, there will be change because you'll be out there and be able to live as yourself and be more authentic. Thats not to say it won't be hard, but there are also so many benefits that come with doing so. What do you think? I'm wondering, what do you feel would change by saying something? 

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6 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for coming to us for advice on this - we are here to hear you out :)

I think that it's pretty common to wonder about how things might change by coming out, and in the end, there will be change because you'll be out there and be able to live as yourself and be more authentic. Thats not to say it won't be hard, but there are also so many benefits that come with doing so. What do you think? I'm wondering, what do you feel would change by saying something? 

Hi, thank you for answering.

Well, for starters, I feel like my girl friends would feel awkward around me. One of them (and my closest too) told me that someone came out as bisexual to them before. Since then, they drifted apart because she thinks that that person might like them (just because they're bisexual, like what?!) Some of them have also shown some form of "disgust" at the thought of women liking women. Oddly enough though, they're fine when it's men liking men.

On top of that, I know that my family would feel weird about it. I've heard them talk about the lgbt community before and, well, they're not very pleasant about it. They might tolerate me but I know it would be hard for them to accept me. 

Those are the changes that I fear. It's easy to say that I should not care about what other people think, but these people are very important to me. 

On the positive side though, yes, I am hoping that I can live as myself and I don't have to repress what I feel anymore. Just FINALLY having a conversation about this without feeling judged is so freeing to me. So thank you for this safe space. You guys are wonderful.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I completely get what you're saying about how it's hard to not care about what those people think who are important to you, and I guess that what I'm trying to say is even though people may treat you differently, is it worth staying in the closet for fear of that? What would your life be like if you chose to stay in the closet for all of it, and how might it be different if you lived openly? 

Also, I'm glad you're feeling good after having a conversation about this. Speak soon :) 

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