I feel really insecure

[Ayla]

Ever since i joined year 10 at a new school i've felt really insecure about myself for example my teachers would praise me a lot in front of the class which i didn't like as i didn't want that attention ever since people have been asking me to do their homework, calling me a nerd or lifeless and keep on repeating the same thing over again '' people only are with you because they are using you''. I nearly lost contact in all of the friendships i made at the school because yes i do their homework and they joke around and call me a nerd sometimes and they rarely ever include me in their conversations. I just wish people would stop judging me that hard and expecting me to be the best of the class so i started failing my classes but this only got them to say even more hurtful things like '' you're supposed to be the smartest'' and '' you really are a crackhead'' it's eating up all the self-confidence i had, I feel pressured to join other people's bad habits just to fit in but i can't and when i can't I get picked on. I don't want to talk to any adults about this or any teachers because i know that won't help, i just want someone my age that has been through this and can give me proper advice on what i can do to stop it.

[blueveronica]

i'm 18 and i haven't been through what you've been through but i've seen people who got used academically. i know this is scary but if you get comments like that i think you should directly ask them why they make comments like that and tell them you don't like them using you. don't let them gaslight you either. just be like "i'm not going to do your homework anymore because it makes me feel used." if they say you're being sensitive say "i'm not being sensitive. the way you treat me isn't right, and if you aren't going to respect my boundaries we might as well not be friends anymore." at your age people might talk smack about you but i swear they're not gonna matter a couple years from now. show them that you're not going to let them tear you down like that. even if you end up with no friends, it'll be healthier for you to get away from those toxic people. in my experience it's better to be alone and work on what you enjoy for a while rather than be surrounded by crap people and let them make you feel bad. you deserve better. 

[Monsoon]

11 hours ago, Ayla said:

Ever since i joined year 10 at a new school i've felt really insecure about myself for example my teachers would praise me a lot in front of the class which i didn't like as i didn't want that attention ever since people have been asking me to do their homework, calling me a nerd or lifeless and keep on repeating the same thing over again '' people only are with you because they are using you''. I nearly lost contact in all of the friendships i made at the school because yes i do their homework and they joke around and call me a nerd sometimes and they rarely ever include me in their conversations. I just wish people would stop judging me that hard and expecting me to be the best of the class so i started failing my classes but this only got them to say even more hurtful things like '' you're supposed to be the smartest'' and '' you really are a crackhead'' it's eating up all the self-confidence i had, I feel pressured to join other people's bad habits just to fit in but i can't and when i can't I get picked on. I don't want to talk to any adults about this or any teachers because i know that won't help, i just want someone my age that has been through this and can give me proper advice on what i can do to stop it.

Hey,

Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. This sounds really tough for you, how are you feeling about it all? It must be really hurtful to get picked on like this. I'm wondering, why do you think it wouldn't help talking to any adults?

[sanholo]

 

I’ve seen situations similar to this before: kids ask who they think is the smart one to do all of the work for them so as not to be troubled by it. It’s taking the easy way out and those kids ultimately learn nothing from their assignments. But what you’re describing is bullying. It can be incredibly difficult to avoid the pressure. What makes it difficult is that there are simply too many opportunities for them to strike for one adult to cover. There’s time walking between classes, before and during class, before and after school, in the cafeteria, in the bathroom, at your locker, in the locker room, at gym, in the auditorium, in the library, at clubs, on field trips, and so on (not to mention their online presence which is another whole can o’ worms). And my bet is that these bullies are “smart” in the sense that they can sense when to pressure you.

So I see why you think asking an adult won’t help; but as @Monsoon suggested this is probably your best bet and I’ll tell you why I think so. You and your peers are still developing, quite rapidly for that matter. You’re going through tons of physical and emotional changes, stress, possibly even love or loss, all at once. Transferring into a new school a year after others probably makes it especially tough. Basically, a trusting adult can look at this situation with a clarity attainable only by virtue of having themselves experienced high school and a lot more since their time in high school and will know how to help you out. Your teachers are there to look out for you and support you. But you have to speak to someone: nobody can read your mind, and (as I mentioned) the bullying may not be exactly visible to adults around you who have their own problems to worry about (like their taxes and kids to put it briefly).

One last note on your bullies. I sense that they’re probably insecure around you based on your description. As a general rule loudness is inverse to confidence/self-security. Bullies can have their own invisible demons too (this does not justify their actions at all, just to say that their lives may not be what you think).

All the best