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coming out!!


deoxyr_
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okay, so, I have a problem with coming out, thought I would try and speak to some people here

soo.... I have a boyfriend. I've known him for about half a year, we've been dating for a couple months now, and I really like him. He makes me feel great about myself, and has always accepted who I am without a doubt... which leads me to my problem. so, I met this guy at a camp, and we go to different schools, which makes it easier to hide who exactly I am.ย 

he doesn't know I'm asexual.

yes, I've talked to him about being gay before, we've joked around about it, and I think he understands how I feel romantically about all genders. The only problem is, we haven't discussed my asexuality. About a year ago, I went through some things that made me believe that I was at least somewhat asexual (kissing and snuggling is fine, but anything below the neck is a big no-no). A year later, I accept that part of myself and try to make it prominent.ย 

the reason I am worrying about this is because of boundaries.ย  Now, I know this guy isย notย asexual, he has the tendencies of a cisgender teenage boy. the thing is. Basically, I don't want to go too far with this guy. I'm not a prude, I don't mind people showing PDA or making out, but it's just not for me.

How do I make this clear to this guy without sounding prudish? Should I do some sort of asexual DTR? I'm not sure, and I literally have no idea how to breach the topic

ย 

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  • Digital Mentor
10 hours ago, deoxyr_ said:

okay, so, I have a problem with coming out, thought I would try and speak to some people here

soo.... I have a boyfriend. I've known him for about half a year, we've been dating for a couple months now, and I really like him. He makes me feel great about myself, and has always accepted who I am without a doubt... which leads me to my problem. so, I met this guy at a camp, and we go to different schools, which makes it easier to hide who exactly I am.ย 

he doesn't know I'm asexual.

yes, I've talked to him about being gay before, we've joked around about it, and I think he understands how I feel romantically about all genders. The only problem is, we haven't discussed my asexuality. About a year ago, I went through some things that made me believe that I was at least somewhat asexual (kissing and snuggling is fine, but anything below the neck is a big no-no). A year later, I accept that part of myself and try to make it prominent.ย 

the reason I am worrying about this is because of boundaries.ย  Now, I know this guy isย notย asexual, he has the tendencies of a cisgender teenage boy. the thing is. Basically, I don't want to go too far with this guy. I'm not a prude, I don't mind people showing PDA or making out, but it's just not for me.

How do I make this clear to this guy without sounding prudish? Should I do some sort of asexual DTR? I'm not sure, and I literally have no idea how to breach the topic

Hey there,

Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us.

Just so I know I'm understanding your situation, can I check, with the guy you met at camp, is this just a friend, or potentially something more?ย 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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17 hours ago, deoxyr_ said:

oh, probably should have clarified, my boyfriend is the guy I met at camp. That's how originally I met him, but we've spent a lot of time together outside of the camp

Hey,

Thanks for clarifying :)ย 

So, you want some tips to open up to him about your asexuality. I'm wondering, have you told any other people yet apart from us? If so, what did you say?ย 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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I've told some of my friends, but it's not as well known as me being pan. Being asexual is just something that needs further clarification and some people can't process it as simply as being gay. Also, it's harder to bring up in conversation, and a lot of my friends don't expect me to be asce.

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  • Digital Mentor
15 hours ago, deoxyr_ said:

I've told some of my friends, but it's not as well known as me being pan. Being asexual is just something that needs further clarification and some people can't process it as simply as being gay. Also, it's harder to bring up in conversation, and a lot of my friends don't expect me to be asce.

Hey there,

I'm wondering, how did you tell them? Could you tell boyfriend in the same or a similar way?

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