deoxyr_ Posted April 2, 2022 Share Posted April 2, 2022 okay, so, I have a problem with coming out, thought I would try and speak to some people here soo.... I have a boyfriend. I've known him for about half a year, we've been dating for a couple months now, and I really like him. He makes me feel great about myself, and has always accepted who I am without a doubt... which leads me to my problem. so, I met this guy at a camp, and we go to different schools, which makes it easier to hide who exactly I am. he doesn't know I'm asexual. yes, I've talked to him about being gay before, we've joked around about it, and I think he understands how I feel romantically about all genders. The only problem is, we haven't discussed my asexuality. About a year ago, I went through some things that made me believe that I was at least somewhat asexual (kissing and snuggling is fine, but anything below the neck is a big no-no). A year later, I accept that part of myself and try to make it prominent. the reason I am worrying about this is because of boundaries. Now, I know this guy is not asexual, he has the tendencies of a cisgender teenage boy. the thing is. Basically, I don't want to go too far with this guy. I'm not a prude, I don't mind people showing PDA or making out, but it's just not for me. How do I make this clear to this guy without sounding prudish? Should I do some sort of asexual DTR? I'm not sure, and I literally have no idea how to breach the topic MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditch the Label Staff Daisie Posted April 2, 2022 Ditch the Label Staff Share Posted April 2, 2022 Hey @deoxyr_, Happy Saturday to you. I’ve just come across your post, so I’m going to tag our trained mentors in who can offer some support and advice. @Monsoon & @Blondie MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 2, 2022 Share Posted April 2, 2022 10 hours ago, deoxyr_ said: okay, so, I have a problem with coming out, thought I would try and speak to some people here soo.... I have a boyfriend. I've known him for about half a year, we've been dating for a couple months now, and I really like him. He makes me feel great about myself, and has always accepted who I am without a doubt... which leads me to my problem. so, I met this guy at a camp, and we go to different schools, which makes it easier to hide who exactly I am. he doesn't know I'm asexual. yes, I've talked to him about being gay before, we've joked around about it, and I think he understands how I feel romantically about all genders. The only problem is, we haven't discussed my asexuality. About a year ago, I went through some things that made me believe that I was at least somewhat asexual (kissing and snuggling is fine, but anything below the neck is a big no-no). A year later, I accept that part of myself and try to make it prominent. the reason I am worrying about this is because of boundaries. Now, I know this guy is not asexual, he has the tendencies of a cisgender teenage boy. the thing is. Basically, I don't want to go too far with this guy. I'm not a prude, I don't mind people showing PDA or making out, but it's just not for me. How do I make this clear to this guy without sounding prudish? Should I do some sort of asexual DTR? I'm not sure, and I literally have no idea how to breach the topic Hey there, Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us. Just so I know I'm understanding your situation, can I check, with the guy you met at camp, is this just a friend, or potentially something more? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deoxyr_ Posted April 2, 2022 Author Share Posted April 2, 2022 oh, probably should have clarified, my boyfriend is the guy I met at camp. That's how originally I met him, but we've spent a lot of time together outside of the camp MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 3, 2022 Share Posted April 3, 2022 17 hours ago, deoxyr_ said: oh, probably should have clarified, my boyfriend is the guy I met at camp. That's how originally I met him, but we've spent a lot of time together outside of the camp Hey, Thanks for clarifying :) So, you want some tips to open up to him about your asexuality. I'm wondering, have you told any other people yet apart from us? If so, what did you say? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deoxyr_ Posted April 4, 2022 Author Share Posted April 4, 2022 I've told some of my friends, but it's not as well known as me being pan. Being asexual is just something that needs further clarification and some people can't process it as simply as being gay. Also, it's harder to bring up in conversation, and a lot of my friends don't expect me to be asce. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted April 5, 2022 Share Posted April 5, 2022 15 hours ago, deoxyr_ said: I've told some of my friends, but it's not as well known as me being pan. Being asexual is just something that needs further clarification and some people can't process it as simply as being gay. Also, it's harder to bring up in conversation, and a lot of my friends don't expect me to be asce. Hey there, I'm wondering, how did you tell them? Could you tell boyfriend in the same or a similar way? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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