My mental health is getting worse :(

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

My negative thoughts just kind of spiral out, and make me look at everything they think is going wrong, everything that is going wrong, everything that might, and everything I’m doing wrong 

Okay, so I'm thinking that if you haven't already, it would be good to focus particularly on those negative thoughts you have when you're alone and work through them to come up with more positive ones. What do you think? 

[Emberfrost12]

I’ll try that. Usually, these thoughts are really hard to fight. I know it sounds  really weird, but I kind of feel like when I’m around other people, I run off their energy, so when I’m on my own I have no energy to use to fight  my negative thoughts, if that makes sense. 

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, that makes total sense. When you have been fighting these thoughts recently, have you been alone? 

[Emberfrost12]

Mostly, yes.  

[Emberfrost12]

Also, my mental health can get bad two different ways. One is what I usually experience, and with this on I can consciously feel that my mental health isn't great, the other It's kind of...numb. I feel nothing, but the thoughts running through my head aren't very positive at all. And they're more pictures than full-fledged thoughts. The second one usually hurts me more, because I can't fight self-harm when I'm doing it for no apparent reason, and I usually get really desperate but feel like I can't reach out.  I guess I'm going right from the first to the second now because my thoughts are definitely sending red flags.

[Emberfrost12]

My mom got mad at me last night and I guess it was too much because I ended up self harming. The worst part is that I was fighting it while I was doing it. I was telling myself that I shouldn’t do this and that I could just read instead, but at the same time, self harming, like my arguments didn’t even make that other side of my hesitate

[Emberfrost12]

Uh, I also have been doing another bad thing  to cope. Just…passing out. It’s really easy to faint if you want to and I’ve been doing it quite a bit recently. 

[Emberfrost12]

1 hour ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Uh, I also have been doing another bad thing  to cope. Just…passing out. It’s really easy to faint if you want to and I’ve been doing it quite a bit recently. 

Oh shoot i just discovered how bad it is for you.  I need to not be doing it 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you've had a hard time since your mom got mad at you. I just want you to know that with self harming, it can be very up and down in that you go through phases of doing it a bit, and then not at all, so this is completely expected as part of your journey. I'm just wanting to check that you are well because of what you said about the fainting? Do you think you need to go and see a doctor? 

[Emberfrost12]

No, I don’t think so

[Emberfrost12]

I don't know why I'm so stressed. I don't know what to do with the stress. I just don't know what to do. I feel like crap and I just kind of want to cry.

[Emberfrost12]

 

I just hate this. I feel so trapped, so petty, because I realize that the reason why I doubt my friends is because I feel like their other friends are going to tear them away from me. The person who I bullied, I’m pretty sure why I did that is because I thought she was threatening my friendship with my closest friend. I’m so on edge, and irritable. I’ve been snapping at anyone who says anything negative-even jokingly. I hate everything about myself. I don’t know what to do. 

 

[Blondie]

13 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I just hate this. I feel so trapped, so petty, because I realize that the reason why I doubt my friends is because I feel like their other friends are going to tear them away from me. The person who I bullied, I’m pretty sure why I did that is because I thought she was threatening my friendship with my closest friend. I’m so on edge, and irritable. I’ve been snapping at anyone who says anything negative-even jokingly. I hate everything about myself. I don’t know what to do. 

Hey, I hope you don't mind me jumping in while Monsoon is off today.

The fear of losing people is a lot to deal with so I can completely see how you would feel so on edge. Do you know when this started? Sometimes we can trace these things back to a specific time or event. 

[Emberfrost12]

5 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey, I hope you don't mind me jumping in while Monsoon is off today.

The fear of losing people is a lot to deal with so I can completely see how you would feel so on edge. Do you know when this started? Sometimes we can trace these things back to a specific time or event. 

Hi Blondie! So, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but with the fear of losing my friends, I’m guessing that started towards October when there were some tensions showing up with some of my friends talking behind other’s backs. With the deal with bullying someone last year, that would’ve been January (2020) so, i guess that was two years ago. 

[Blondie]

27 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Hi Blondie! So, I’m not one hundred percent sure, but with the fear of losing my friends, I’m guessing that started towards October when there were some tensions showing up with some of my friends talking behind other’s backs. With the deal with bullying someone last year, that would’ve been January (2020) so, i guess that was two years ago. 

Friendships are such a major part of our life it's no wonder you started to feel worried about losing people. Has anything like that happened since?

[Emberfrost12]

9 minutes ago, Blondie said:

Friendships are such a major part of our life it's no wonder you started to feel worried about losing people. Has anything like that happened since?

Yeah, quite a bit. It’s like loyalties are changing constantly, but always within the group. 

[Blondie]

30 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Yeah, quite a bit. It’s like loyalties are changing constantly, but always within the group. 

I'm wondering if it might make you feel a little better and more chill about friendships if you spoke to the person who you did you bullied? (Sorry if I've missed this and you have done).

The reason I mention it is that the way you are feeling now isn't good, you don't feel good about yourself, you're on edge and snappy. Sometimes even if it's hard, we need to take action to start to feel a bit more positive.

Do you think you could do that? 

[Emberfrost12]

Just now, Blondie said:

I'm wondering if it might make you feel a little better and more chill about friendships if you spoke to the person who you did you bullied? (Sorry if I've missed this and you have done).

The reason I mention it is that the way you are feeling now isn't good, you don't feel good about yourself, you're on edge and snappy. Sometimes even if it's hard, we need to take action to start to feel a bit more positive.

Do you think you could do that? 

I could, but I’m not sure if she was aware of what happened. I didn’t realize I was a bully for a few years after, so she may not know really what happened. 

[Blondie]

10 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I could, but I’m not sure if she was aware of what happened. I didn’t realize I was a bully for a few years after, so she may not know really what happened. 

Maybe take some time to think about it but I'm wondering if doing this might release some of the tension.

[Emberfrost12]

3 hours ago, Blondie said:

Maybe take some time to think about it but I'm wondering if doing this might release some of the tension.

I can try and see her tomorrow, as friday I have as a halfday but she doesn't

[Emberfrost12]

49 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

I can try and see her tomorrow, as friday I have as a halfday but she doesn't

Oops, it's wednesday, not thursday. Correction: I can see her in two days

[Monsoon]

8 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Oops, it's wednesday, not thursday. Correction: I can see her in two days

Hey there,

Let us know how it goes. How are you feeling today? I'm thinking, it sounds like you're exhausted and could do with some time to wind down and relax. Do you think that could be helpful? 

[ACm]

 

Hey Emberfrost12

I'm really sorry to interrupt in this conversation, but I just wanted you to know that I feel with you and that I understand a lot of what you wrote.
I have also experienced or am still experiencing from time to time many of these feelings and thoughts you have described.

I know that everyone is different, but for me it is helpful to know that I am not the only one experiencing these feelings and thoughts. So I thought I send this message to let you know that you are not the only one and that I can understand a lot of what you have described. Maybe knowing you are not alone/the only one will help you get trough this difficult time.

(and a tip that helps me a lot with my negative thoughts or self-harm: try to distract yourself. I always play guitar or start drawing something to  get my attention to something else. And I always choose something that calms me down. Maybe you also have a hobby or something else you love to do that calms you down and distracts you from your thoughts (maybe drawing, playing sports, listening or playing music, writing stories/poems/diaries, going for a walk, chat with a friend ....) Because if your thoughts are too strong to fight at a certain moment it is always better to distract yourself than to feel really miserable or to harm yourself).

I wish you all the best and hope you feel better soon!!!

(and I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. It is sometimes a bit difficult to explain it in English, because I don't know this language so well ...)

 

[Emberfrost12]

1 hour ago, ACm said:

Hey Emberfrost12

I'm really sorry to interrupt in this conversation, but I just wanted you to know that I feel with you and that I understand a lot of what you wrote.
I have also experienced or am still experiencing from time to time many of these feelings and thoughts you have described.

I know that everyone is different, but for me it is helpful to know that I am not the only one experiencing these feelings and thoughts. So I thought I send this message to let you know that you are not the only one and that I can understand a lot of what you have described. Maybe knowing you are not alone/the only one will help you get trough this difficult time.

(and a tip that helps me a lot with my negative thoughts or self-harm: try to distract yourself. I always play guitar or start drawing something to  get my attention to something else. And I always choose something that calms me down. Maybe you also have a hobby or something else you love to do that calms you down and distracts you from your thoughts (maybe drawing, playing sports, listening or playing music, writing stories/poems/diaries, going for a walk, chat with a friend ....) Because if your thoughts are too strong to fight at a certain moment it is always better to distract yourself than to feel really miserable or to harm yourself).

I wish you all the best and hope you feel better soon!!!

(and I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. It is sometimes a bit difficult to explain it in English, because I don't know this language so well ...)

Thanks, @ACm, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one dealing with this. Thanks for the tips too :)

7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Let us know how it goes. How are you feeling today? I'm thinking, it sounds like you're exhausted and could do with some time to wind down and relax. Do you think that could be helpful? 

Yeah, but I don’t have much time to wind down, and I find it really hard to relax

[Monsoon]

2 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Thanks, @ACm, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one dealing with this. Thanks for the tips too :)

Yeah, but I don’t have much time to wind down, and I find it really hard to relax

Hey there,

Okay, so there's two things in that. With relaxing, I'm wondering, what kinds of things do you enjoy doing? It can be absolutely anything! Also, that's a shame that you don't have much time to wind down. I'm thinking, could you pick out a block of time soon that you will have to yourself? It doesn't have to be long.