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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness, Suicide

Why am i a disappointment?


needtoknow
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness, Suicide

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I've been so lazy since a few months, I've lost motivation to do things, to study and practically everything. Since online school started i have cheated on every single exam, i dont pay attention in classes, i just go to youtube or Instagram and scroll through it. I feel so guilty, I've not touched a book in ages, i don't complete my notes i practically do nothing. I tell my mom i study but i don't, she trusts me so much it makes me even more guilty. When I was younger I used to always aim for A's and B's on my test paper and these days, i just want to pass. I used to love to sing, these days i can't even sing properly, my relationship with my parents, grandparents, cousins and brother used to be so good now it feels like everything is tearing apart, i feel like a disappointment, i feel like I'm losing everything. I try to study but everytime i start studying guilt starts flooding over me and i start overthinking about the future. Everything has gotten d so hard and i don't know what to do. I wish I could say I'm trying my best but I'm not. I have everything good in life a great family, great friends, a good school, shelter and everything and yet I'm like this, i feel so depressed and instead of working on it and my problems i push them away and try to ignore them by scrolling through social media. I get so distracted I'm not able to pay attention to anything. I don't understand my classes and everything has gotten so hard. I put on a lot of weight and I'm not even active. Sometimes I wish i could just die but I'm scared of that also and i feel so bad knowing everyone i know would feel guilty of losing me even though it wasn't their fault, it was mine. And not only that i overthink of what would happen if i had lost a loved one and how hard it would be for me. And seeing my parents life become harder for them because of me mahes me feel even more guilty. Pls help

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @needtoknow

Thank you for sharing all of this here; I can really sense the struggle in what you've said and I just want you to know that we are here for you. It's really common to feel alone in this kind of situation, but we will be with you every step of the way. I noticed at the end that you said about wanting help, and I'm wondering, what do you think would help you, even a tiny little bit, to feel better? 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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On 3/20/2022 at 11:18 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey @needtoknow

Thank you for sharing all of this here; I can really sense the struggle in what you've said and I just want you to know that we are here for you. It's really common to feel alone in this kind of situation, but we will be with you every step of the way. I noticed at the end that you said about wanting help, and I'm wondering, what do you think would help you, even a tiny little bit, to feel better? 

I want to get therapy but i don't know how to tell my parents, i don't want to make them feel worried and i don't want them to pay because ik therapy is expensive

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Hiii there,

If you’re struggling to speak to your family, speak to a member in your school/college/sixth form and they do seek out counselling or anything for you that will help. There’s always help out there, don’t be afraid to seek it :) If you’re nervous to go up to someone to speak yourself, perhaps take a friend to let a staff know that you wish to speak to them.

Whatever makes you comfortable 

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18 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Do you think they'll be able to afford the therapy? Does your school have a counsellor? 

Yes, my parents will be able to afford therapy but i still don't want to worry them, and my school doesn't have a counsellor

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get what you mean about worrying them. However, on the other side, could it be that they'll be grateful you opened up to them and want to get help? What do you think? 

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  • Digital Mentor
7 hours ago, needtoknow said:

@Monsoon thanks, I'll try to get some courage and open up to them even though it'll take a while

Hey there,

Yeah, being open and honest really is the best way to help yourself, and although it can be scary, it's always worth it :)

How are you feeling at the moment? Would you like to talk through this or anything else with us? 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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