Hi guys this might be a TW so I'm just putting a disclaimer just in case So Ive been feeling like a burden this year mainly because I've had a lot of shit going on and I think it's safe to say I think I've faced down death multiple times I'll get to why in a sec but I've been immensely stressing and I was sick Friday so maybe the stress finally got to me? I don't know One of the reasons I feel this way is because not long ago I went through a break up and it took a massive hit to my already damaged mental health and it's caused me to want to do certain things to myself and for that I was really angry at that person and I still am kind of but everything has been resolved and were friends again but a lot of things I've done and said to her have really made me regret and stress even more I'm with someone else now but something happened to her shes fine now of course but that made me get really paranoid because I love this person a lot and i don't wanna lose her because I think if she dies I'll die mentally because I'll keep blaming myself Another reason I feel like a burden is because I keep giving my problems to people and when they ask are you ok? I say no because I'm really not a lot has been going on and I think they get annoyed so I have to deal with that that's why I'm learning to keep things to myself because I feel like even if I express myself no one will listen and will slowly drift away from me and I don't want that 😭 Ive faced down so oh so many bullies in my old school because I'm different they called me all these things like mental or disabled and I know horrible times can make you stronger but it feels like mine are breaking me down their the reason I'm so quiet and have really bad social anxiety because I feel like I can't trust anybody anymore no offence to you guys your great the people I've met so far ugh I feel so awful the truth Is I've always felt alone trapped in my own shadow because I've never really changed like Im more talkative now but it just feels so temporary people say things will get better but they don't understand what ive been through I probably need a therapist but I don't know if that will help 😫💔 And the truth is before I came back to school before this month I literally had a mental breakdown because all these things that have happened to me over the years, the weight of that finally got to me and I broke down no tears although their probably should have been but I haven't cried in ages I'm eventually gonna but I've held it in and anytime I've felt the need to there's just nothing I feel nothing I think there's something wrong with me 😭 I'm sorry if I'm being a burden here guys but I've just had enough honestly

YOUR not a burden, your a survivor a awesome one! thank you for sharing your story and well done. I am glad your still here with us because you have so much to show us and you can do this keep going. stressing and being sick is emotions getting powerful it's normal it really is sending you hugs and hope you feel better? feeling like you wanted to do things to yourself sounds scary and i am happy your here. being angry at that person i understandable and it's not your fault so don't blame yourself okay? you seem to love that person and that's lovely, i hope you don't die from the paranoia your getting, you can get support with this? would you like me to send a link over? maybe they show being annoyed by ignoring you because they are stuck how to handle and help you with your problem. having nobody will isten is really heart breaking and im sorry. those bullies are assholes and don't let them get you down, they choose broken people and they take advantage it isnt your fault and again, well done for reaching out so wonderful well done. talking to someone would be good as you can constantly talk to the same person and so on. they can also give you things to help you? Betterhelp, THEMIX and shout are good to help if your feeling bad or down about your situation. crying dosent show the struggling side of us but it shows how strong your getting and you can overcome this, im here for you and keep reaching out your important!