Lesbian friend kissed me

[Alliexo]

I’ve been mutual friends with this girl for over a year who is in my friend group. 2 weeks ago we had a sleepover and she held my hand while laying on me. She also hugged me. I know she is lesbian, and I have said to her and another friend who is bi that I have been questioning my sexuality. I think I’m bi but it really scares me and I ended up relapsing (cutting my arms) when I got home because I was so stressed. I feel guilty because I don’t want to tell my parents since I feel like I’m letting them down even if they accept me. I feel better now and we have talked everyday since the sleepover happened, also my other bi friend supports me. She even held my hand again at school. Yesterday my friend group had another sleepover and she kissed me. My awkwardest first kiss ever! I didn’t know what to do. I have no experience in dating, it makes me feel awkward because my closest friend doesn’t know I’m bi. I’m having a really hard time with telling the people I’m close to and I would want to be open if I were to start a relationship. I feel like it’s all going way too fast and I can’t keep up with what’s happening. Also I’m 15 in a few months and feel kinda young for this stuff? Idk I just never planned on having a relationship until I’m older but she kissed me and I’m feeling scared of committing. I don’t want this to break up our friend group if it doesn’t work out. 

[Alliexo]

Also I’m not even sure of my feelings towards her or if I want to be in a relationship. I feel like I’m in too deep already and I really don’t want it to hurt the friend group. Like maybe it’s just because I’m still not completely comfortable around her since we haven’t spent any time 1 on 1? I’m kinda independent and honestly never thought something like this would happen and now suddenly it’s just so fast. I don’t know how to reply to my BFF that’s asking me what’s going on between me and that girl. 

[a human_56]

Yeah I'm in a similar situation. Here for you if you need anything and hope everything ends up alright 

[Lokistesseract]

Tell ur parents

[Alliexo]

4 hours ago, a human_56 said:

Yeah I'm in a similar situation. Here for you if you need anything and hope everything ends up alright 

Hey thanks for replying

I hope everything will work out for you too, I’m always here to chat if you need it. 

[Monsoon]

14 hours ago, Alliexo said:

I’ve been mutual friends with this girl for over a year who is in my friend group. 2 weeks ago we had a sleepover and she held my hand while laying on me. She also hugged me. I know she is lesbian, and I have said to her and another friend who is bi that I have been questioning my sexuality. I think I’m bi but it really scares me and I ended up relapsing (cutting my arms) when I got home because I was so stressed. I feel guilty because I don’t want to tell my parents since I feel like I’m letting them down even if they accept me. I feel better now and we have talked everyday since the sleepover happened, also my other bi friend supports me. She even held my hand again at school. Yesterday my friend group had another sleepover and she kissed me. My awkwardest first kiss ever! I didn’t know what to do. I have no experience in dating, it makes me feel awkward because my closest friend doesn’t know I’m bi. I’m having a really hard time with telling the people I’m close to and I would want to be open if I were to start a relationship. I feel like it’s all going way too fast and I can’t keep up with what’s happening. Also I’m 15 in a few months and feel kinda young for this stuff? Idk I just never planned on having a relationship until I’m older but she kissed me and I’m feeling scared of committing. I don’t want this to break up our friend group if it doesn’t work out. 

Hey there,

How are you feeling today? Thank you for opening up to us about your feelings and the self-harm. It's completely normal to experience a relapse, and talking to people about it will really help you. I'm wondering, have you seen our article about safer alternatives to self-harm? Maybe you can have a read and pick a few to try next time you feel like hurting yourself: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Also, yeah, from what you said, it does sound like it's moving too quickly for you, and it's completely okay to slow it down and go at a pace that is best for you. I wonder, could it be helpful to speak with her and let her know how you're feeling right now? 

[Alliexo]

9 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

How are you feeling today? Thank you for opening up to us about your feelings and the self-harm. It's completely normal to experience a relapse, and talking to people about it will really help you. I'm wondering, have you seen our article about safer alternatives to self-harm? Maybe you can have a read and pick a few to try next time you feel like hurting yourself: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Also, yeah, from what you said, it does sound like it's moving too quickly for you, and it's completely okay to slow it down and go at a pace that is best for you. I wonder, could it be helpful to speak with her and let her know how you're feeling right now? 

Hi, I’ve gotten lots better at dealing with self harm but it was just really over whelming for me right then. I talked to my BFF because she asked me what was going on and I said IDK. She told me that it’s ok and it shouldn’t affect the friend group because its between me and that girl. I’m really grateful to have such nice friends.
I did actually speak with that girl and I said I want to take things slow and she said she didn’t mind. She also said that I can tell her if I don’t like something but I get too nervous to say anything even if I’m uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to tell if I have feelings for her or not.. maybe I need more time but I wonder if this would have been different if it was with a boy? Like maybe it’s because I’m still unsure if I’m bi. 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I’m glad that you’ve had the reassurance from your friend and that the girl is cool with you taking things slowly. Yeah, I find it interesting that you question whether it would be different if it were a boy. What do you think about that? 

[Randomgirl.]

20 hours ago, Alliexo said:

Hi, I’ve gotten lots better at dealing with self harm but it was just really over whelming for me right then. I talked to my BFF because she asked me what was going on and I said IDK. She told me that it’s ok and it shouldn’t affect the friend group because its between me and that girl. I’m really grateful to have such nice friends.
I did actually speak with that girl and I said I want to take things slow and she said she didn’t mind. She also said that I can tell her if I don’t like something but I get too nervous to say anything even if I’m uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to tell if I have feelings for her or not.. maybe I need more time but I wonder if this would have been different if it was with a boy? Like maybe it’s because I’m still unsure if I’m bi. 

Heyy. Hope your doing ok  it’s really reassuring to hear other peoples stories. I started questioning my sexuality a few months ago (I’m 14) because I met this girl and developed major feelings for her. At first I thought I was absolutely crazy. I was so stressed all the time and I had no idea what to think. Also like you, I thought I was way too young to know if I was gay or not. I’m still not sure what my sexuality is, but I’m 90% sure I’m attracted to women anyway. But the point of that is that believe it or not, time does tell. I’ve come to understand everything a lot more now. I still have a huge crush on this girl, but I’m not going to tell her that ever. I would hate to make her feel uncomfortable. But about your situation- labels are stupid and they really don’t matter. If you like this girl, go for it. If you change your mind and realise you dont, then you will still have closure on your feelings. I hope that helps somehow. Keep your head up

[Alliexo]

45 minutes ago, Randomgirl. said:

Heyy. Hope your doing ok  it’s really reassuring to hear other peoples stories. I started questioning my sexuality a few months ago (I’m 14) because I met this girl and developed major feelings for her. At first I thought I was absolutely crazy. I was so stressed all the time and I had no idea what to think. Also like you, I thought I was way too young to know if I was gay or not. I’m still not sure what my sexuality is, but I’m 90% sure I’m attracted to women anyway. But the point of that is that believe it or not, time does tell. I’ve come to understand everything a lot more now. I still have a huge crush on this girl, but I’m not going to tell her that ever. I would hate to make her feel uncomfortable. But about your situation- labels are stupid and they really don’t matter. If you like this girl, go for it. If you change your mind and realise you dont, then you will still have closure on your feelings. I hope that helps somehow. Keep your head up

Ahh thanks for saying that, it’s nice to hear your story. Also thanks for your advice, it really helps. I was just wondering how you knew you liked that girl? I rarely ever get crushes. I hope everything goes well for you.

[Randomgirl.]

10 hours ago, Alliexo said:

Ahh thanks for saying that, it’s nice to hear your story. Also thanks for your advice, it really helps. I was just wondering how you knew you liked that girl? I rarely ever get crushes. I hope everything goes well for you.

Well when I first met her, I thought I just really liked her as a person and wanted to be friends. But I got butterflies every time I saw her and something just clicked and I realised I had feelings for her. I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m sure now that I like her as more than a friend. Maybe this is a difficult question but what do you think your feelings for this girl are? I mean did you only think about her after she made a move on you, or did you think you were attracted to girls before? I hope your having a good day

[Alliexo]

1 hour ago, Randomgirl. said:

Well when I first met her, I thought I just really liked her as a person and wanted to be friends. But I got butterflies every time I saw her and something just clicked and I realised I had feelings for her. I don’t know if that makes sense but I’m sure now that I like her as more than a friend. Maybe this is a difficult question but what do you think your feelings for this girl are? I mean did you only think about her after she made a move on you, or did you think you were attracted to girls before? I hope your having a good day

I think I’ve always kinda liked girls but I passed it off to myself as just normal and liking a friend. So I’ve been struggling to accept that I might be bi. I remember when I was first getting to know her I thought she was super pretty. I felt like she was too cool for me so I never tried to get closer. I didn’t have a crush and wasn’t thinking of being in a relationship so I was kinda caught by surprise when she made a move on me. I can’t stop thinking of her since then but I think it hasn’t been long enough for me to really like her. My friends have told me she likes me but is too shy to tell me herself which makes me confused since she only made a move on me like 3 weeks ago and didn’t show any signs to being into me before that. 

[Randomgirl.]

33 minutes ago, Alliexo said:

I think I’ve always kinda liked girls but I passed it off to myself as just normal and liking a friend. So I’ve been struggling to accept that I might be bi. I remember when I was first getting to know her I thought she was super pretty. I felt like she was too cool for me so I never tried to get closer. I didn’t have a crush and wasn’t thinking of being in a relationship so I was kinda caught by surprise when she made a move on me. I can’t stop thinking of her since then but I think it hasn’t been long enough for me to really like her. My friends have told me she likes me but is too shy to tell me herself which makes me confused since she only made a move on me like 3 weeks ago and didn’t show any signs to being into me before that. 

I completely get you. The more I think about my past crushes on guys it makes so much sense that I’m at least bisexual. I know it’s really hard to accept something like that though. I had thought about girls before, but I had never realised I might actually be gay, so when i developed a crush on a girl, I thought I was going mad. Thinking back, I was being so irrational I started questioning my whole purpose and I thought there was absolutely no way I could have a normal future. That sounds so dramatic, and It was. There is still so much I don’t know, but honestly there is no way someone else can tell you how you feel. You will work it out in time, and I hope you’re happy with your feelings. Maybe you will realise you really do like her- or maybe it’s just the excitement of someone having a crush on you. It is a bit weird that she kissed you but is scared to tell you how she feels- I mean it’s pretty obvious.  Maybe she’s confused about it all too. Do you think you’re close enough to her to talk about it? I know that seems scary but it could be really nice. 

[Alliexo]

19 hours ago, Randomgirl. said:

I completely get you. The more I think about my past crushes on guys it makes so much sense that I’m at least bisexual. I know it’s really hard to accept something like that though. I had thought about girls before, but I had never realised I might actually be gay, so when i developed a crush on a girl, I thought I was going mad. Thinking back, I was being so irrational I started questioning my whole purpose and I thought there was absolutely no way I could have a normal future. That sounds so dramatic, and It was. There is still so much I don’t know, but honestly there is no way someone else can tell you how you feel. You will work it out in time, and I hope you’re happy with your feelings. Maybe you will realise you really do like her- or maybe it’s just the excitement of someone having a crush on you. It is a bit weird that she kissed you but is scared to tell you how she feels- I mean it’s pretty obvious.  Maybe she’s confused about it all too. Do you think you’re close enough to her to talk about it? I know that seems scary but it could be really nice. 

Ahhh I know how you feel, I’ve been questioning my whole purpose lately and if I’ll have a normal future. I think it’s interesting how you said it could be the excitement of someone having a crush on me, I think that’s definitely playing a role in my feelings right now. Somehow news travels fast because suddenly everyone around me knows she likes me. Like am I the only one she hasn’t told?! It feels like we skipped the ‘just close friends’ stage but I wouldn’t know how to talk to her about something like that. I was with her and a few friends today in town and she held my hand under tables when we sat down. She’s really cute and I ate a piece of chocolate out of her hand which is probably the first kinda move I’ve pulled on her. My BFF and her friend were literally fangirling so I guess my BFF must have told her friend about it. (I don’t mind since she’s also my friend) but I’m kinda scared of other people knowing. 

[Randomgirl.]

1 hour ago, Alliexo said:

Ahhh I know how you feel, I’ve been questioning my whole purpose lately and if I’ll have a normal future. I think it’s interesting how you said it could be the excitement of someone having a crush on me, I think that’s definitely playing a role in my feelings right now. Somehow news travels fast because suddenly everyone around me knows she likes me. Like am I the only one she hasn’t told?! It feels like we skipped the ‘just close friends’ stage but I wouldn’t know how to talk to her about something like that. I was with her and a few friends today in town and she held my hand under tables when we sat down. She’s really cute and I ate a piece of chocolate out of her hand which is probably the first kinda move I’ve pulled on her. My BFF and her friend were literally fangirling so I guess my BFF must have told her friend about it. (I don’t mind since she’s also my friend) but I’m kinda scared of other people knowing. 

I get you. I live in a small town, and like you- everyone knows everything. I know how annoying that can be. 
What you said happened in town- that’s so cute. The fact that you said that she’s cute too might tell you something about how you feel about her. Try not to worry too much about other people though. I know it’s inconvenient, but at the end of the day the only people who matter in this situation are you and the girl. It’s your decision to make. Don’t decide anything in a hurry either. You don’t have to be with her just because everyone thinks you should. It’s great that you have such great supportive friends, but also remember that they(or anyone) can’t tell you how you feel or how to feel. 

[Alliexo]

25 minutes ago, Randomgirl. said:

I get you. I live in a small town, and like you- everyone knows everything. I know how annoying that can be. 
What you said happened in town- that’s so cute. The fact that you said that she’s cute too might tell you something about how you feel about her. Try not to worry too much about other people though. I know it’s inconvenient, but at the end of the day the only people who matter in this situation are you and the girl. It’s your decision to make. Don’t decide anything in a hurry either. You don’t have to be with her just because everyone thinks you should. It’s great that you have such great supportive friends, but also remember that they(or anyone) can’t tell you how you feel or how to feel. 

Thanks for your advice! I guess I’ll have to give it some time to figure out how I feel. I just feel kinda awkward when she touches me around other people, maybe because I’m not used to it. I don’t want to look like a jerk for leading her on if I decide I actually don’t like her. I thought telling her I wanted to take things slow would be starting out as friends but the way she holds onto me doesn’t seem that way... I’m honestly terrified she might kiss me again if I’m alone with her because I don’t have the courage to say no to things. 

Just now, Alliexo said:

Thanks for your advice! I guess I’ll have to give it some time to figure out how I feel. I just feel kinda awkward when she touches me around other people, maybe because I’m not used to it. I don’t want to look like a jerk for leading her on if I decide I actually don’t like her. I thought telling her I wanted to take things slow would be starting out as friends but the way she holds onto me doesn’t seem that way... I’m honestly terrified she might kiss me again if I’m alone with her because I don’t have the courage to say no to things. 

Also kinda terrified that I’ll like it lol!

On 10/12/2021 at 1:39 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I’m glad that you’ve had the reassurance from your friend and that the girl is cool with you taking things slowly. Yeah, I find it interesting that you question whether it would be different if it were a boy. What do you think about that? 

The reason I was thinking that is because, if it were a boy, I would be able to accept whatever feelings I had easier. I think they would be clearer and I could talk to people about it easier. Like I feel guilty that my parents don’t know about me and this girl... I thought I would be talking to my mum excitedly about my first kiss. But I haven’t told anyone.

[Randomgirl.]

1 hour ago, Alliexo said:

Thanks for your advice! I guess I’ll have to give it some time to figure out how I feel. I just feel kinda awkward when she touches me around other people, maybe because I’m not used to it. I don’t want to look like a jerk for leading her on if I decide I actually don’t like her. I thought telling her I wanted to take things slow would be starting out as friends but the way she holds onto me doesn’t seem that way... I’m honestly terrified she might kiss me again if I’m alone with her because I don’t have the courage to say no to things. 

Also kinda terrified that I’ll like it lol!

The reason I was thinking that is because, if it were a boy, I would be able to accept whatever feelings I had easier. I think they would be clearer and I could talk to people about it easier. Like I feel guilty that my parents don’t know about me and this girl... I thought I would be talking to my mum excitedly about my first kiss. But I haven’t told anyone.

It’s ok to be really scared. Sometimes being scared can be kinda fun -like being on a rollercoaster! About your parents- I understand how you feel. I’m not the best about telling my parents about my personal life. Even though I share a lot with my mother, I find it hard to talk about my feelings. It’s so hard to tell someone how you’re feeling when you don’t even know yourself. Even though hanging out with her can be really fun, make sure she respects your boundaries. Maybe something that could help you realise how you feel about her would be to talk about her. Tell me all about her. That helped me a lot to come to terms with my crush (obviously only if you feel comfortable)