I'm fed up with my year being so racist and homophobic and making jokes about religion that really aren't funny at all. And I approach people but they just laugh and say it's our way of banter. And I get that but it's not banter when it's taken that one step too far like they need to learn when to stop.
Thanks for letting me rant!
everything seems to be crumbling around me right now and im not sure how to deal with it. i was recently sexually and mentally used and abused by a long term family friend and am dealing with the PTSD and related trauma as well as dealing with my dad being a massive prick to me and my mum he is emotionally abusive he punches holes in walls damages my stuff and bullies me. for example his sense of humor is odd at the best of times so whenever he tells a joke i dont understand he screams at me and makes me feel like the scum of the earth he also exploits my trust issues to try and make people feel sorry for him. I flinch when people touch me without announcing it first because of events previously mentioned and i dont let anyone apart from my mother get close to me and today he poked me in the face when i was concentrating on a show i was watching and when i flinched and accidentally hit the wall he then berated me and laughed at me when i was in pain and acted like i had mortally wounded him. he seems to have mum wrapped around his little finger too as he constantly fat shames her and verbally abuses her and she just runs back to him every single time. i want to run away and the only thing thats stopping my is the fact that i dont want to leave mum alone with an asshole like him.
i am so overwhelmed.
Okay so everyone already knows about the schools closing due to COVID-19 and Iâ€™m kinda struggling with it at the minute so I gotta get some stuff off my chest.
I never wanted the schools to close cus I didnâ€™t want to be isolated with my family for however long because I knew it would start getting bad again. I just didnâ€™t expect it to happen this fast. Weâ€™re on day 10 now and last night my dad decided he was sick of being around his kids. Heâ€™d been in a bad mood all day but when my mum got home he was immediately screaming bloody murder to her about how his kids are lazy and selfish and ungrateful and that he couldnâ€™t spend quarantine with us. Next thing I know heâ€™s coming upstairs and into my room and screams at me that heâ€™s had enough. He throws everything off my desk and pushed my shelves over (he targets the books because he knows how much they mean to me) then grabs me by the shoulders and starts shaking me screaming â€œdo you understand?â€� Over and over in my face. At times like these itâ€™s easiest to say yes and not speak unless asked a question so I do that but he didnâ€™t calm down. He shoved me over then moved onto to my sisters. I kinda just sat there a while after that Iâ€™m shock trying to calm my breathing down (I get panic attacks a lot and was trying not to have one now). When I calmed down I went to check on my younger sister. Iâ€™d heard more crashing and screaming so I wanted to make sure she was alright. She was sobbing and said heâ€™d grabbed her bye the hair threw her to the floor and hit her in the face. i tried to calm her down a little but we had to clean up before he came back up. When I went back to my room I saw that he had snapped the door handle off in his hand in a blind rage. By the end of the night Iâ€™d had two panic attacks, cried for over an hour, self harmed and had another psychotic episode (nothing to bad. Just seeing things that arenâ€™t there. I used to get them as a kid). I still donâ€™t know why he did it or why I get so scared of him when he starts yelling but I donâ€™t think Iâ€™m gonna get through this quarantine if things keep happening like this.
I wanna go back to school and see my friends and get out of this house but thereâ€™s nowhere to turn.
I need to know if this is normal and Iâ€™m just over reacting. I donâ€™t know anymore. Things arenâ€™t usually like this. At times my parents act so sweet and tell us they love us so I feel like Iâ€™m betraying them for even coming on here but I need to know. I donâ€™t know if this is gaslighting or abuse of some kind or if itâ€™s just completely normal. Iâ€™d anyone can offer an insight or anything please do.
is this normal?
I dont know about you but I feel like giving up all the time. So much is happening at the same time. Its so overwhelming. i just start thinking about every little thing and i get even sadder. I dont know what to say or what to think anymore. Time goes so fast. I am so scared of what might happen in the future. Suddenly its summer. Suddenly i have 3 projects due to tomorrow. I am tired. I cant talk to anyone. Everytime I think about something I get sad for no reason at all.
Ive lived in the same city for about 9 years and now im moving 2-3 h away. I was sure i had a good amount of friends, but now, this summer, almost noone has talked to me. I have 2 friends who have wanted to hang out. A few girls from my class said they would host a sending away party for me, but now they dont talk to me. Ive felt so alone for months now. Because of my moms job, i havent seen her a lot either. Everything i do feels wrong. Im scared of going to a new school with new people, cuz i dont exactly fit in. Talking about my problems and feelings feels like im doing it for attention. Im always confused and angry with myself. Ive ruined 3 friend/relationships this year by having feelings. Im scared i wont make it through this year.