Monsoon Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 Hey there, I completely get what you are saying about having doubt for both decisions, and when it comes to these kinds of life choices, there will always be an element of risk and doubt. There are so many people out there who transition and realise that it's the best decision they could have possibly made for themselves. Although transitioning is often not a smooth process, the new lease of life you are given when you can be your authentic self is the best gift. I think it might be good for you to maybe speak with some people who have transitioned to see what their experiences are like. What do you think?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 Ξ₯eah sure,but I don't know anyone who has gone through ths progress MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 Hey there, We have plenty of trans members on our community :) Maybe you could post a topic asking to speak to tansΒ members here for advice?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 (edited) Ok I can give it a shot and I will tell you how it goes! Edited January 7, 2022 by asdfggg MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 10 hours ago, asdfggg said: Ok I can give it a shot and I will tell you how it goes! Great. Good luck with it :) Speak soon.Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Hi! Sorry I haven't posted in a while,how are you doing? Things have been ok lately.I started talking to this girl ,which I am into,and I am confident that she is into me too!But I don't know if I should proceed,since I am still struggling with my gender identity and often have dysphoric feelings when it comes to my gender. On the one hand,I believe that it will be a good experience to acquire because it might help me understand better the male and female role in a relationship and,in general,figure out if I would want to live life as a female. On the other hand,I don't know if I should engage in a relationship when I haven't even figured out what is my prefered gender,since I might end up hurting her feelings and making a complete fool of myself. This situation is causing me confusion and I dont know what I should do. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Hey. It's nice to hear from you again :)Β I think that it would be really helpful to say this to the girl you're talking with if you feel ready? Open and honest communication is the key to any relationship. What do you think?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Hi,thank you for answering! Could you please be more specific?What do you mean by saying ''this'' to this girl.Are you refering to the dysphoria I am experiencing or are you talking about asking her out? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Hey, Yeah, I'm talking about speaking with her about the dysphoria you're experiencing. Being open and honest about such a concern with her might be really insightful and will help to give her choice if you're ready to have that conversation. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 I don't know...I mean I don't think that it is common sharing this thoughts with a potential partner. I am afraid that she will be weirded out,rightfully so, and I am sure that she will not be able to see me romantically.Also I don't know her that well so entrusting her with a secret that no-one,not even my family or friends know,isn't the wisest of choises.Especially since,if she gets weirded out,I will be forced to confront her for another year and a half,since we have some classes together.And even if I do tell her,how will that benefit me or her? What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 15, 2022 Share Posted February 15, 2022 Hey. I think the potential benefit is that by telling her, if she does want to go further, you then have the freedom to explore your identity as well. I completely get all of your concerns though and why you wouldn't want to, and it's just an idea really. I do think that if you start having those conversations about dating, then it's good to let them know. What are your thoughts? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 I get what you are saying,but I am pretty closed about this stuff .What I think would happen is that she will be weirded outΒ and completely lose interest in me,since she is probably looking for a normal relationship,where the partners embrace the social roles assigned to them and have no problem following them.I believe the problem with this telling her is that the potential of her not wanting to engage in a relationship with me,will reach certainty if I talk to her about this stuff.I mean I doubt a normal person would be interested in dating someone who hasn't figured out their gender identity,it's only logical dont you think? So even if there are benefits to telling her,they are behind a giant wallΒ which I cannot get through if I share my feelings. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Hey. I noticed what you said about how she is probably looking for a normal relationship. I'm wondering, how do you feel about people who question their gender identity? Do you see it as normal? I think it's important to see people as individuals because although you are expecting her to not be interested, she may be more open-minded than you think. What are your thoughts?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 16, 2022 Share Posted February 16, 2022 Hi,I think questioning you identity past a certain age is not normal.I don't believe that a normal person struggles this much with their gender identity,as I do.When I say ''normal'',I am refering to the behaviour of most people and how the majority of biological males or females act in a society. I know that questioning your gender identity to such a degree that affects your everyday life is a pretty rare thing.Because if it were common,societies would't have marginalised it,people would be more empathetic towards individuals with dysphoria,since they could relate to them and it wouldn't have been seen as a taboo subject.Not everyone has a problem with their gender identity,making people who do struggle with dysphoria abnormal.So questioning you identity after a certain point isn't normal.I mean, one of the reasons why some societies and religions don't accept people like that is because it is considered abnormal to question your gender. When it comes to relationships,I don't believe most people are that fluid with them.What I believe she is expecting is a relationship with a male that understands and embraces his social role.To me it is similar to money exchanges:If I go to an American store and try to pay with Euros instead of Dollars I will probably get turned down,because the manager is expecting me to pay with the American curency.There is a small chance that the manager will accept the money,but I can't make a big purchase,hoping that the manager will let me go.(I am sorry if this comparison is a bit confusing,it is the best one I could think at this moment) What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 Hey, Iβm always curious to find out how people define normal, because at the end of the day, who decided what is normal and what goes isnβt? What does normal even mean? I think that people who question their identity and then choose to go down a different path are extraordinary rather than abnormal. I think itβs positive to acknowledge those thoughts and feelings and act on them if needed. I really love that people are embracing their true identities more in todayβs society; I think we are becoming more accepting and open-minded, so thatβs why I was asking about what her attitudes might be. What do you think?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 Hi, I agree that people are becoming more accepting but I think attraction is different than that.It is one thing to support someone and another to be attracted to them and I don't think that social changes plays such a big role on attraction,I believe it is mainly biology.If I tell her about these feelings she might be understanding towards me,but not in a romantic way,which is to be expected.So there is not a lot of sense in telling her,since it decimates my chances of getting into a romantic relationship with her. Ξn general people who question their gender identity,doesn't matter if they are perceived as ''abnormal'' or ''extraodinary'',are still deviating from the norm and will be treated differently in a society,despite the progress and open-mindedness of modern societies. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 17, 2022 Share Posted February 17, 2022 1 minute ago, asdfggg said: Hi, I agree that people are becoming more accepting but I think attraction is different than that.It is one thing to support someone and another to be attracted to them and I don't think that social changes plays such a big role on attraction,I believe it is mainly biology.If I tell her about these feelings she might be understanding towards me,but not in a romantic way,which is to be expected.So there is not a lot of sense in telling her,since it decimates my chances of getting into a romantic relationship with her. Ξn general people who question their gender identity and display it publicly,doesn't matter if they are perceived as ''abnormal'' or ''extraodinary'',are still deviating from the norm and will be treated differently in a society,despite the progress and open-mindedness of modern societies. What do you think? Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 21 hours ago, asdfggg said: Hi, I agree that people are becoming more accepting but I think attraction is different than that.It is one thing to support someone and another to be attracted to them and I don't think that social changes plays such a big role on attraction,I believe it is mainly biology.If I tell her about these feelings she might be understanding towards me,but not in a romantic way,which is to be expected.So there is not a lot of sense in telling her,since it decimates my chances of getting into a romantic relationship with her. Ξn general people who question their gender identity,doesn't matter if they are perceived as ''abnormal'' or ''extraodinary'',are still deviating from the norm and will be treated differently in a society,despite the progress and open-mindedness of modern societies. What do you think? Hey there. I think I've kind of said this already, but my outlook is that people can be quite surprising, and it can be really helpful to just give individuals the benefit of the doubt and see how they react because they might respond in a way that completely surprises you. What do you think?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 18, 2022 Share Posted February 18, 2022 Hi I guess it doesn't really makeΒ sense to me to tell her.Why would I gamble all my chances with her and put myself in a vulnerable position when I am confident about the outcome of this interaction:the payoff is too little compared to the risk.Especially since I am going to be seeing her for a while anyways,meaning that I can't just move on and forget about her if it doesn't work out.There is a chance that she might suprise me but it is really small.Idon't know,I guess I don't have this much trust in people. Thank you for the advice MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Hey, Iβm wondering, do you not trust people generally? If so, why do you think that is?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 19, 2022 Share Posted February 19, 2022 Hey I don't trust people with my secrets especially this one.I still have friends and close friends but I never told anyone about this.I mean I tried telling my mother once,last year and she thought it was a joke so I haven't tried since.When I was growing up my brother used to get easily discouraged and call himself useless or say that nobody loved him and a lot other stupid shit,which I criticized him for,since I had to calm him down a lot of the time.Keep in mind that I was in elementary school at the time and my brother was 4 years older,so we were still kids and didn't know any better,but when he got older he would push me away whenever I wanted to hang out with him.So growing up I tried not to show emotions like this to anyone,since I didn't want to bother anyone the same way my brother did and didn't want to look as vulnerable and pathetic as he did.I didn't want to become a burden to my parents,because they already had my brother to deal with(It's not like he did drugs or anything,he was actually a really good student,he would just stress a lot),which lead to me not showing these kind of emotion.Also another thing that reinforces my mindset,is that he,eventually,got exploited for showing vulnerability and let some people walk over him. It's not like I think that everyone wants to harm me if they don't have a reason to,but I don't want to be in a vulnerable position,because I don't know to whom this information might end up and how it can be exploited. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Hey, Itβs interesting that you used the words vulnerable and pathetic to describe your brother. Iβm wondering, would you say that being vulnerable is negative? If so, can you tell me more about that?Β Β Also, what happened to your brother when he was exploited?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Yes,I think that being vulnerable is something negative.In general showing weakness in front of people can lead to being exploited,or to people feeling pity for you.I believe that if you don't stand up for yourself no-one will,so by letting people see your vulnerabilities they will start taking advantage of you.I can't see a situation when being vunerable is a good thing. Concerning my brother,he worked,for a relative,without getting payed or having days-off for 3 months. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Hey. Can you tell me more about what you mean by showing weakness?Β MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Ξ mean that if you publicly portray your shortcomings publicly,to people like anxiety,anger or depression and in my case gender dysphoria, which I consider weaknesses,then people will judge you:They will either pity you or they will try to exploit your shortcomings. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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