asdfggg Posted December 27, 2021 Share Posted December 27, 2021 Well,it depends. Most of the time,when I am alone,the thought of living life as a woman is calming and I often think about it,being very positive that I want to live life as the opposite gender. But,when I am surrounded by people like certain family members,who have often praised me for being ''manly'' or when I am in a social situation where I have to portray that ''manlyness'',I kind of lose sight of what I want and think about how would others perceive me at that moment if I tell them such an emberassing secret.Realizing how difficult it can be to come out and actually shatter this social image thatI've built.Which seems impossible. What do you think? (P.S. When I say ''manly'' I am talking about character traits that I present to them and not about muscle mass) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted December 28, 2021 Share Posted December 28, 2021 On 12/27/2021 at 9:15 AM, asdfggg said: Well,it depends. Most of the time,when I am alone,the thought of living life as a woman is calming and I often think about it,being very positive that I want to live life as the opposite gender. But,when I am surrounded by people like certain family members,who have often praised me for being ''manly'' or when I am in a social situation where I have to portray that ''manlyness'',I kind of lose sight of what I want and think about how would others perceive me at that moment if I tell them such an emberassing secret.Realizing how difficult it can be to come out and actually shatter this social image thatI've built.Which seems impossible. What do you think? (P.S. When I say ''manly'' I am talking about character traits that I present to them and not about muscle mass) Hey there, I completely get what you're saying about how it seems impossible to shatter the social image you've built, but plenty of people do it, and do so really successfully. It takes a lot of courage and persistence, and I know you can do it too :) If you did transition, what kind of positive changes might there be in your life? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 Well,I think I suit better with the female social role.What I mean by this is that I like certain aspects of their role like being able to express your emotions freely without getting criticised.I would be able to wear women's clothing,which has a wider gamma than men's and I would have the secondary female characteristics,which I think would suit me best.It's not like I completely hate the male social role,I would still like to keep some of it's characteristics,like being independant and being straightforward,but as a female it is way easier and more acceptable to deviate from the stereotypical ''feminine behaviour'',than it is for men to deviate from the sterotypical ''masculine behaviour''.(Just keep in mind that everything I said is the idealistic version of what changes I might have if I transition.I am not sure which of the things I said actually translate in real life or how accurate they are). What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 Hey there, Thanks for explaining that for me. I can see how the female social roles suit you better based on what you've said, and this tells me more about the gender identity you would prefer. I'm wondering now, what about your sex identity? How do you feel on the inside, do you feel male, female, or other? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 Ηey I am not sure I understand.Is Gender Identity different than Sex Identity? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted December 29, 2021 Share Posted December 29, 2021 Hey there, So, sex identity means the biology relating to being male or female. Based on your biological body, do you feel your sex matches your gender identity? Gender identity is your sense of who you are based on the social expectations of sex made by society. Does that make sense? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted December 30, 2021 Share Posted December 30, 2021 Ι am not really sure.A lot of the time the way I act or present myself revolves around the social situation.I will talk or behave differently depending on who I talk to.I don't have any trouble presenting myself as a male,but a lot of times I wonder what it would be like to behave and be perceived as a female.I guess I have trouble understanding what are the differences between the social character that I portray and my actual character.I think that I want to live life as the opposite gender,yet this belief often comes at odds with the way I behave in society. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted December 30, 2021 Share Posted December 30, 2021 Hey there, Yeah, that's a really good question. I'm wondering, what would you say the differences are between the social character you portray and your actual character? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted December 31, 2021 Share Posted December 31, 2021 As as said before my social behavour with my actual character get mixed up.In a social situation I try not to express any emotion other than the ones that are acceptable.For example,I can never cry or be upset about something in public .When I am in a social situation I suppress the dysphoric and depressing feelings I am having and I try to give off a calm and happy attitude.But,of course,this isn't the case.When I am alone I have feelings of dysphoria and I often stress about the future and where my life is going,yet I don't want anyone I know to see that side of myself,so I try to hide it. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 1, 2022 Share Posted January 1, 2022 Hey there, I'm wondering then, with what you've just described, is this more about being able to express yourself emotionally? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 1, 2022 Share Posted January 1, 2022 Hey,Happy New Years! Being able to express myself freely is definately a reason why I would want to live my life as the opposite gender but its not the only one.I also think that I will like female clothes more and I would prefer having the female secondary characteristics,yet I cannot be sure until I actually do it. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 1, 2022 Share Posted January 1, 2022 8 hours ago, asdfggg said: Hey,Happy New Years! Being able to express myself freely is definately a reason why I would want to live my life as the opposite gender but its not the only one.I also think that I will like female clothes more and I would prefer having the female secondary characteristics,yet I cannot be sure until I actually do it. What do you think? Hey there, Yeah, I think it will be good to try and do some exploring and see how you feel doing so as I think that will help answer some of your questions. What do you think? If you feel like it's a good idea, what do you think you could do to experiment? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 (edited) Ι don't know a lot about that kind of stuff.I mean I sometimes crossdress when I am in my room,but other than that I don't know what else to do.What would you suggest? Edited January 2, 2022 by asdfggg MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 10 hours ago, asdfggg said: Ι don't know a lot about that kind of stuff.I mean I sometimes crossdress when I am in my room,but other than that I don't know what else to do.What would you suggest? Hey there, How does it feel when you cross dress? Also, some people can find it helpful to refer to themselves with their preferred pronouns in their head, and even come out to friends in real life and on online communities like this. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 2, 2022 Share Posted January 2, 2022 When I first started I felt shame whenever I tried it.But now,when I am alone,I put on a pair of leggings that I have bought and I feel a bit safer.It also calms me a bit when I am feeling anxious about stuff and,in general,helps me focus. Concerning pronouns,I've never tried to use the female pronouns and,since I haven't told anyone about these thoughts It will be really weird to ask them to do it.I guess I never had a problem with my current ones,so I can't tell you how it feels to be called like the different gender.(Also pronouns work a bit different in Greek).Moreover,this is the first online community that I've talked to about this so I don't have any other experiences other than this. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Hey there, I'm glad to hear that wearing typically female clothing helps you to feel safer, calmer, and more able to focus. This suggests to me that you feel more comfortable in the female social role. With pronouns, when people are struggling with their gender identity, if they use different pronouns in their head for the gender they are intrigued by, it can be a good experiment to see how they make you feel. For example, if someone is interested in the female social role, by thinking of themselves as she/her, it can help you understand more about your identity. What do you think? I know you said you have never had a problem with your pronouns, but it might be good to see how you feel when you label yourself with different ones. You don't have to and you will have a good idea of what will help you more, so yeah, let me now what you think. Speak soon. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 Yeah,sure I can try to use the other gender's pronouns in my head and in this community! One other thing that concerns me is that I only feel safe and comfortable when I am alone and no-one can see me wear these clothes feeling really anxious even thnking about someone else seeing me like that.What does that indicate? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 3 hours ago, asdfggg said: Yeah,sure I can try to use the other gender's pronouns in my head and in this community! One other thing that concerns me is that I only feel safe and comfortable when I am alone and no-one can see me wear these clothes feeling really anxious even thnking about someone else seeing me like that.What does that indicate? Hey there, Yeah, why don't you try it for a week and let me know how it goes? Also, I think that could be an indication of not wanting to be found out and feeling a sense of shame about wearing the clothes. What do you think? How would it be if you told someone you know that you are wearing the clothing? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 (edited) Well,I can't control how they are going to react or who they are going to tell,putting me in a vulnerable position.I guess I am afraid of everyone finding out about this and cutting ties with the important people in my life.The thing is,that once you tell someone you've known for a long time such a deep secret,the way they view you will change dramatically and it can never go back.Even if I decide not to transition and ,eventually, grow out of these feelings their view of me wouldn't change.So entrusting someone with such a big secret is a huge gamble.Especially with such a taboo subject like gender dysphoria,where it's not that common.What do you think? Edited January 4, 2022 by asdfggg MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 Hey there, I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what you mean when you say the way they view you will change dramatically due to having kept the secret for so long? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 4, 2022 Share Posted January 4, 2022 What I mean by this is that if I tell someone a secret like that,the social role that I've built ,up until now,will collapse leaving me in a vulnerable position.So the way that others have perceived me up until now will change from that point onwards.The problem is that,the most important people in my life have seen what I wanted them to see of me,I haven't shown them any indication that I have these feelings or asked them for help,so if I tell them now,I don't know if they would want to be in my life after I unravel to them that I am struggling with gender identity or even if they did,I might push them away if they knew such emberassing things about me. Also,it is not their battle to fight.Everyone has something to deal with so I shouldn't bother them with my problems,since they don't bother me with theirs. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Hey there, I think that it's interesting what you said about your identity not being their battle to fight. I'm wondering, what do you mean by it being a battle to fight? Also, I'm curious, is your identity a 'problem' that you shouldn't bother other people with, or is it important for people to know who you are regardless of how they feel? If they don't like it, then that's their problem. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Υeah,I believe my identity is a problem,I mean if it weren't I wouldn't have the need to talk about it.Also if other people don't like it it's kind of my problem too,since I am talking about people that I've known for almost my entire life.The mindset of not caring at all what other people think of you will undoubtly lead you to social isolation.I am not saying to overthink what other people think of you,but there is definitely a healthy balance. Moreover,I know what happens when you share your feelings so openly and I also know that the one you are confessing to will judge you,even if they do it unintentionally.I know this things,because I have experienced them,so I know for a fact that sharing your feelings can take a toll on you and the person you are confessing to. What do you think? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Hey there, I do understand what you're saying about social isolation, but I think that if people can't accept your identity, then they don't deserve to have you around until they respect who you are. Although it may be isolating from that perspective, once you can live authentically, you can then find people who respect you, which will make you feel included for being who you are rather than being included for fulfilling a social role that does not match your preferred self. From what you're saying, I think that you are focusing a lot of what other people will think and feel about your identity which is completely natural, but I think this is the expense of your own needs. What do you think about what I've said? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdfggg Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 (edited) Yeah I understand what you are saying but,like I've said before,I don't know if it is worth it to uproot my entire life,abandon the most important people in my life and completely change my social image just for the chance of feeling more relieved.What if I am wrong and I do not want to transition?Then I would have ruined my whole life for nothing.What if I don't find other people in my life or settle for anyone that will accept me?Even if I find people that will include me I would still be a social outcast.The thing is that it is in the human nature to alienate everything different and unusual,it is a survival mechanism,so discrimination is almost certain,at least until I can pass off as a normal female,which can take a lot of years and even then who's to say If I would be happy?What worth would my life have if I have no family,no friends,no home,no dreams? So I believe that leaves me with two choices.I can either stay the way I am and try to fight of these feelings,keeping my current conections and social role but wonder what would my life be if I acted upon them,or embrace them and hope that,at least,the most important people will accept me,transition to the other gender and deal with some discrimination,but wonder if I made the right decision.In both cases I end up with doubt. What do you think? Edited January 5, 2022 by asdfggg MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.