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Coming out?


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  • 2 weeks later...

Heyy. I’m kinda bored today so I just thought I would update. I decided not to come out for now. I have no idea when I will but that’s alright. There are times when I wish people knew so I could be open and do what I like, but even if I was ready, I don’t think my family are ready to hear something like that. Buttt on the bright side- I’ve become a lot closer with my crush (who I have had feelings for for 5 months now) She is so amazing. She posted a picture of the two of us the other day and I nearly died I was so happy. That’s a bit dramatic but you know what I mean. Of course the dream would be for her to have feelings for me too, but I’m just happy to be her friend right now. 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Thanks for the update! Did you try hugging her? 

Also, with coming out, it's so important to do it when you feel ready. There really is no rush, and it's totally okay to wait. 

Yeah that’s great advice thanks. I haven’t seen her in person since 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/29/2021 at 10:23 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, maybe try that and see how she responds. How is everything going for you at the moment?

Sorry I haven’t been on in a while. I would say I’ve been busy but to be honest I don’t even know what I’m doing with myself anymore. I’m alright though thanks.

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ok so i dont know if this is the best place for this but i have have this tiny crush on my best friend but i know that she only sees me as a friend and she has a crush on another boy so what do i do i dont want to tell her because i love our friend ship plz i need advice 

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18 hours ago, Randomgirl. said:

Sorry I haven’t been on in a while. I would say I’ve been busy but to be honest I don’t even know what I’m doing with myself anymore. I’m alright though thanks.

Hey there,

No need to apologise! Would you like support from us at the moment? We are here if you need us. 

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16 hours ago, the ghost said:

ok so i dont know if this is the best place for this but i have have this tiny crush on my best friend but i know that she only sees me as a friend and she has a crush on another boy so what do i do i dont want to tell her because i love our friend ship plz i need advice 

Hey there,

Thanks for coming to us for advice on this. I'm wondering, are you sure that she doesn't like you? If so, if you did tell her, how fo you think your friendship might change? 

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we ve been friends for ever and i think me and her have more of a brotherly and sisterly relationship but i dont know how  our friend ship would change

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4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Ah, okay. I think that if you're sure she doesn't like you, it might be a good idea to not say anything, because doing so could change the friendship. What do you think? 

i agree with you

 

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Hi I am 16 years old and I think I have gender dysphoria.I have been experiencing symptoms for about 4 years but I've dismissed them,thinking that they were normal symptoms of teenagehood.I haven't talked to any professional or to anyone about it.Lately though,due to my immensely busy schedule trying to prepare for the Panhellenic Exams,which is like university entrance exams,these feelings are getting more and more persistent,causing the decline of my mental health.Especially during the weekends when I have more free time.

I want to consult a therapist to diagnose me but there is no one in my area and I dont want to concern my parents about it.It's not like they are transphobic,but they would not be really supportive either,I believe.I love my parents and they love me too,yet since I have presented myself as a man to them for all my life it would be really hard for them to understand.I am afraid that if I come out I will have to cut ties with them and all my familly,basically uprooting my whole life,which is something I dont want to do.

Besides,having symptoms doesn't mean that I have gender dysphoria.So taking such a huge risk as to talk to someone about it isnt worth the trouble.What should I do?

 

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44 minutes ago, asdfggg said:

Hi I am 16 years old and I think I have gender dysphoria.I have been experiencing symptoms for about 4 years but I've dismissed them,thinking that they were normal symptoms of teenagehood.I haven't talked to any professional or to anyone about it.Lately though,due to my immensely busy schedule trying to prepare for the Panhellenic Exams,which is like university entrance exams,these feelings are getting more and more persistent,causing the decline of my mental health.Especially during the weekends when I have more free time.

I want to consult a therapist to diagnose me but there is no one in my area and I dont want to concern my parents about it.It's not like they are transphobic,but they would not be really supportive either,I believe.I love my parents and they love me too,yet since I have presented myself as a man to them for all my life it would be really hard for them to understand.I am afraid that if I come out I will have to cut ties with them and all my familly,basically uprooting my whole life,which is something I dont want to do.

Besides,having symptoms doesn't mean that I have gender dysphoria.So taking such a huge risk as to talk to someone about it isnt worth the trouble.What should I do?

Hey asdfggg, welcome to the Community! 
I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the forums and just wanted to give you a quick welcome. 
I will tag our trained mentors into this so that they could reach out to you, if you feel this would be helpful? They can offer you some support and advice,

If you have any questions at all please just give me a shout any time.

@Monsoon & @Blondie

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2 hours ago, asdfggg said:

Hi I am 16 years old and I think I have gender dysphoria.I have been experiencing symptoms for about 4 years but I've dismissed them,thinking that they were normal symptoms of teenagehood.I haven't talked to any professional or to anyone about it.Lately though,due to my immensely busy schedule trying to prepare for the Panhellenic Exams,which is like university entrance exams,these feelings are getting more and more persistent,causing the decline of my mental health.Especially during the weekends when I have more free time.

I want to consult a therapist to diagnose me but there is no one in my area and I dont want to concern my parents about it.It's not like they are transphobic,but they would not be really supportive either,I believe.I love my parents and they love me too,yet since I have presented myself as a man to them for all my life it would be really hard for them to understand.I am afraid that if I come out I will have to cut ties with them and all my familly,basically uprooting my whole life,which is something I dont want to do.

Besides,having symptoms doesn't mean that I have gender dysphoria.So taking such a huge risk as to talk to someone about it isnt worth the trouble.What should I do?

Hey there,

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of on your shoulders at the moment, like the worry of having to split off from your family. How are you feeling about it all? I think it's great that you've opened up here, as even just letting it all out can be a helpful act in itself. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about the dysphoria you've been experiencing? What kind of thoughts and feelings have you been having? 

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First of all,thank you for trying to help me!

When I was about 11 or 12 I remember that a gynecologist came to our class during Sex Education,briefly mentioning that sometimes a boy can feel like a girl inside and vice versa,but it wasnt given much weight,and didnt think much of it then.When I got into middle school I started growing my hair out and despite a lot of peopole telling me that I look like a girl it didnt bother me,except if someone made that kind of comment when I was with my parents.Then I felt shame,although my parents didn't make any comments about it.

Later in my life,when I started to get into teenagehood,I found myself thinking about girls but also having thoughts about being one.I always pondered with the question:If i want to be with a girl or if I want to be one.At that time I even had a crush on a girl,and up until now I am attratcted to them,which is something that is causing me a bit of confusion.A bit later I crossdressed for the first time and I remember that I was feeling really anxious,like someone was watching me,and it ,overall,felt wrong digging through my mother's clothing.So I stopped for a while.But these kind of feelings resurfaced and I crossdressed again,when no one from my family was home and with closed windows,despite living in a remote area with no neighbours.Growing up,I tried to suppress these feeling as much as I could,feeling anxious even thinking about it in public.

Sex Education is mostly absent at the school's curriculum with no mention of gender dysphoria or other sexual orientation.This,mixed with the fact that the Orthodox Church doesn't paint people like that in a very positive way,makes citizents prejudiced against them.Not to say that it is dangerous for LGBTQ people,there are some who have come out.

So,for the sake of social acceptance,I adopted a more masculine character,which I dont necesarilly dislike,but sometimes I wonder If I would be happier fulfilling the social role of the oppposing gender and having it's primary and secondary characteristics,although I have noticed that when I have lower hormonal levels these feelings tend to ease off.

Lately though,my free time is depleting,due to my studies.The Panhellenic Exams are probably the most important exams that a Greek student takes,and since I am aiming for high universities such as Electrical Engineering and Biology,I have to work really hard to achieve this goal.All this stress makes me feel tired and unmotivated,making these feeling rise to the surface which in turn makes me think about my future and wonder ''Even If pass the exams will the people I know be proud enough to accept me if I come out?'' and ''What worth would my life be if everyone would be avoiding me?''.I know that I should be taking the exams for myself and I do take them for myself,that is why I continue!Yet humans are social animals,so I cant help but consider what would happen If I come out and,in the end,if it is worth it.

Thank you again for trying to help me,I hope you find my answer usefull.

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2 hours ago, asdfggg said:

First of all,thank you for trying to help me!

When I was about 11 or 12 I remember that a gynecologist came to our class during Sex Education,briefly mentioning that sometimes a boy can feel like a girl inside and vice versa,but it wasnt given much weight,and didnt think much of it then.When I got into middle school I started growing my hair out and despite a lot of peopole telling me that I look like a girl it didnt bother me,except if someone made that kind of comment when I was with my parents.Then I felt shame,although my parents didn't make any comments about it.

Later in my life,when I started to get into teenagehood,I found myself thinking about girls but also having thoughts about being one.I always pondered with the question:If i want to be with a girl or if I want to be one.At that time I even had a crush on a girl,and up until now I am attratcted to them,which is something that is causing me a bit of confusion.A bit later I crossdressed for the first time and I remember that I was feeling really anxious,like someone was watching me,and it ,overall,felt wrong digging through my mother's clothing.So I stopped for a while.But these kind of feelings resurfaced and I crossdressed again,when no one from my family was home and with closed windows,despite living in a remote area with no neighbours.Growing up,I tried to suppress these feeling as much as I could,feeling anxious even thinking about it in public.

Sex Education is mostly absent at the school's curriculum with no mention of gender dysphoria or other sexual orientation.This,mixed with the fact that the Orthodox Church doesn't paint people like that in a very positive way,makes citizents prejudiced against them.Not to say that it is dangerous for LGBTQ people,there are some who have come out.

So,for the sake of social acceptance,I adopted a more masculine character,which I dont necesarilly dislike,but sometimes I wonder If I would be happier fulfilling the social role of the oppposing gender and having it's primary and secondary characteristics,although I have noticed that when I have lower hormonal levels these feelings tend to ease off.

Lately though,my free time is depleting,due to my studies.The Panhellenic Exams are probably the most important exams that a Greek student takes,and since I am aiming for high universities such as Electrical Engineering and Biology,I have to work really hard to achieve this goal.All this stress makes me feel tired and unmotivated,making these feeling rise to the surface which in turn makes me think about my future and wonder ''Even If pass the exams will the people I know be proud enough to accept me if I come out?'' and ''What worth would my life be if everyone would be avoiding me?''.I know that I should be taking the exams for myself and I do take them for myself,that is why I continue!Yet humans are social animals,so I cant help but consider what would happen If I come out and,in the end,if it is worth it.

Thank you again for trying to help me,I hope you find my answer usefull.

Hey,

Thanks for explaining these feelings in detail to me. I think you're absolutely right; we are all social creatures, and at the end of the day, we all want to be accepted and validated, and it's in our nature. When we are faced with doing something that some may not approve of, it can back us into a corner and make us fearful. However, my view is that if you do decide to start fulfilling the social role of the opposing gender, if some people don't like it, then that's their problem, not yours. It is so important that we live authentically, as our life will bring us the most joy at that point. What do you think? 

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Hi

Thanks for answering so quickly.I understand when you are coming from but since I havent been diagnosed with anything I cant make such a huge leap of faith,which I might regret later on.Moreover even if I were to get diagnosed there is a chance that I will have to cut ties with my entire family that I have,up to this point,kept a happy relations with.Just for the chance of feeling more relieved.There is a saying we tell in Greece:''Blood cannot turn to water'',meaning that family will always be something more than just people.So cutting ties with them will not be as easy.

Also even if I come out it wont be for about 2 years until I have reached adulthood.

Thank you for listening to me!

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On 11/21/2021 at 5:00 PM, asdfggg said:

Hi

Thanks for answering so quickly.I understand when you are coming from but since I havent been diagnosed with anything I cant make such a huge leap of faith,which I might regret later on.Moreover even if I were to get diagnosed there is a chance that I will have to cut ties with my entire family that I have,up to this point,kept a happy relations with.Just for the chance of feeling more relieved.There is a saying we tell in Greece:''Blood cannot turn to water'',meaning that family will always be something more than just people.So cutting ties with them will not be as easy.

Also even if I come out it wont be for about 2 years until I have reached adulthood.

Thank you for listening to me!

Hey there,

I'm wondering, how come you may have to cut off your ties with family if you get diagnosed? Has something happened in the past to make you feel like that would have to happen? 

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Not particularly,I have tried to come out once during April fools to see my mothers reaction and as soon as she heard it she started bursting to laughter.I have talked to her about LGBTQ and she had a neutral opinion but when I asked her ritorically what would she do if I or my brother were to come out trans.If she would support us go through that change, she didnt answer.I've kept this secret very well,to the point that even if I told my parents I dont think they would believe me.

Concernig other family members like my uncles or my grandfather, they definately have some kind prejudice against this comunity.Being trans in the place that I live is not so common.Especially in villages,where most of my outer family live,there are no LGBTQ people.Although some of them do keep in contact with a gay couple.Yet I dont think they would aproove of a family member being one of them.I cant imagine telling my grandfather,which I was named after,that I am going to change my gender.He would would lose his hair.I mean,he barley acknowledges womens rights.So that means that I will never set foot again in my village or the surrounding ones,since the population of my village is about 15 people and the news travel at an insanely fast speed.Moreover I will not be able to spend Christmas,Eastern or other holidays were my outer family will attend and I will always be remembered as the ''black sheep'' of the family.So I have a lot to lose.

At the moment both of my parents are working really hard to provide for me and my brother,so telling them that I have such a deep rooted problem will cause them more pain and I am not willing to do that to them.

Edited by asdfggg
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Hey there,

I saw that you described the feelings you're having as a deep rooted problem; I'm wondering, can you tell me more about why you feel it's a problem? Also, it's interesting that your mom reacted that way when you asked those questions. It sounds like she may have been nervous or just didn't know what to say, hence her reaction. What do you think? Her neutral opinion makes me think that she may be more supportive than you think. 

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Thank you for replying!

Of course it's a problem.These feelings have been weighing me down for about 4 years or maybe more,since, thinking about it,I think that I had experienced minor symptoms during adolesence.These feelings are not socialy acceptable nor ecouraged.These feelings will prevent me from having a relationship and kids in the future or being truthfull to my friends and my family.Moreover they will,at the very least,limit my career path,since even if I try my best,companies will always choose a normal hard-working person in order to appeal to the public.Also they are making me feel more and more depressed as time goes by,since these feelings are battling with the social image that I've built.

I do not always feel like this,but these emotions have caused problems, so far, in my mental health,my social image,my social relationships and deciding my career path.I mean ,if they weren't a problem,why would I talk about them?

Edited by asdfggg
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