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Adult help with coming out a second time years after coming out the first time?


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So I'm not sure if this is a request for advice per say but more of a I need to get this off my chest and I don't know where else to go. 

I first came out 'accidentally' or before I was ready to tell my parents as a teenager. It didn't go the way I planned and one of my parents caught me making out in an ex gfs car early hours of the morning.  I got about 10 missed phone calles and walked into a hostile welcoming of ',what are you doing' 'that's disgusting'. Told parent I was bi not homo and this seemed to calm them down as there was hope I was going to live a straight life. However the next 4 weeks I was delt with a situation of talking to this parent through notes hand written and no verbal communication or eye contact.  They would abruptly leave the room if I walked in etc. Had a *talking to* and things got better as I agreed to cut off all the homosexual influences in friendships I had. Broke some really great relationships there.  

Fast Forward to 8 years later this has all been pushed under the rug and I've met the love of my life. It has been a secret 5 years ongoing.  During these 5 years I've lost my only sibling, and all 4 grandparents consecutively in the years after this. That's a considerable chunk of my family that were apart of my everyday life lost. I still live with my parents but plan to move out with my partner soon and finally start a life together. 

I'm so worried after all this loss, I'll loose my parents after having to come out again.  My partner is in the same boat of homophobic parents.  There is a chance my parents will be ok but the other half definitely not. 

I feel the only way to come out is to move out, have my own life and then bring up the topic. What I'm struggling with is how to bring it up when the time comes in a delicate way that might still have a chance of being repaired if things go wrong. Or do I just let it pan out and live my life and be happy because 10 years of living a secret life is really starting to take its toll on my mental health. 

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Wow that does sound like a lot. Hope you’re doing ok. I’m so sorry to hear about your parent not supporting you, no one deserves that. This probably isn’t all that helpful, as it’s advice coming from a 14 year old, but living with a secret that big, is hardly living at all. Coming out will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but once you do it, think of all the freedom you will have to do things you couldn’t before. Even if your parents don’t support you, at least then you know you tried and you don’t have to hide it from them. Anyways Hope you’re having a good day 🙂

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