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Not really sure what to call this, but some help please?


Awkward
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Hi, so I guess I'll just write it out, but I feel like a girl and Im cool with that but I also really don't feel like a girl and I don't want to be one. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense.  What I mean is, that sometimes I'm like yay, I'm a girl and that's awesome whoo, and then other times it's like a sad realisation dawns over me and it's kind of an oh no moment. Because I don't want to really be a girl then. I sometimes hate how my body looks and everything feels mentally too heavy and then other times it doesnt, which is really confusing to be totally honest. I sometimes feel really horrible using she/her pronouns, or when someone refers to me as a girl and I would prefer to use they/them sometimes. but I'm honestly not sure if I'm over thinking it. It took me a while to come to terms with the fact that I'm bisexual, I still feel sort of confused when it comes to that and now I don't know how I feel about this. I don't want to be making it up, but I also don't want to keep it on my chest.

Sorry for the incohesiveness of this 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Awkward

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can really see how confusing and stressful this is for you. Knowing our identity is so important, and when we go through a period of questioning and confusion, it can really throw us off-balance. It's interesting that you said you don't want to be making it up, and I'm wondering, do you think there's a chance that you could be? If so, why? I'm just curious to know. Also, I noticed that you mentioned preferring to use they/them pronouns; that sounds great. I think that if you can find anything to help you feel better during this difficult period, then go for it, even if you just identify as they/them in your head if you're not ready to tell others. What do you think?

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Hi @Monsoon,

Thank you for the reply, to answer your question, I've always been told that I can control my emotions, the idea being that if I can't, the who can? This coming from my parents, my mother specifically. Whenever I've talked to them about stuff like this, they talk about how it's a "trend" and people do it for attention, which I strongly disagree with, but it's kind of like a thing that's stays at the back of my mind constantly, and it's like this not so little voice telling me that I am 100% making it up. I always end up crying about it when I try to understand what's going on, but I also don't want to talk about it to people because in my head that only re-enforces the idea that I'm doing it for attention.

I just don't want to be a bad person, if that makes any sense.

I feel good/I guess happier using they/them pronouns even in my head, it just feels better I suppose.  

thank you once again.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Awkward

How are you feeling today? Yeah, I think it's easy to question yourself when others around you believe that this is more of a trend rather than something to be taken seriously. However, these feelings are clearly strong for you. It's important to listen to them and recognise that they are valid and important, and it's good to get them off your chest. Do you think that you would do something like this for attention, or could it be that the feelings are real? 

Also, I'm glad that you feel happier using they/them pronouns in your head. I wonder if there are any other small steps you could take to make yourself feel better? 🙂

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Hi @Monsoon,

I feel better today, thanks, especially after writting how I felt out on here, it was good to get it of my chest.

I don't like to think that I would do it for attention, considering that I've always sort of felt this way, but the feelings only got stronger as I got older. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I’m glad that you’re finding it helpful opening up here. We are always here to talk if you need us 🙂

Also, yeah, I guess the first thought that came to my mind was how you wouldn’t go to the extent of asking others for advice the way you have here if you weren’t serious about the way you were feeling. As you said, these feelings are only getting stronger as you get older. How are you feeling about your gender today? I hope that you’re starting to feel more like these feelings are valid and not just for attention, but if not, that’s totally okay too, because I think it can take a while to get to the point. Speak soon. 

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On 9/25/2021 at 3:29 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I’m glad that you’re finding it helpful opening up here. We are always here to talk if you need us 🙂

Also, yeah, I guess the first thought that came to my mind was how you wouldn’t go to the extent of asking others for advice the way you have here if you weren’t serious about the way you were feeling. As you said, these feelings are only getting stronger as you get older. How are you feeling about your gender today? I hope that you’re starting to feel more like these feelings are valid and not just for attention, but if not, that’s totally okay too, because I think it can take a while to get to the point. Speak soon. 

Hi again @Monsoon, I'm sorry for the late reply. My feelings kind of fluctuate on some days, today for example I didn't feel that comfortable with she/her, or just the idea of being a girl and sometimes it feels kind of restricting, if that makes any sense, like almost too small I guess. But sometimes it doesn't really feel that bad, and on those days I feel a bit  better in my own skin so I'm not really sure as to what that means.

Thank you

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

No need to apologise for the late reply 🙂

I think that what you're experiencing is completely normal. Gender can be fluid, and when some people go through a period of questioning their identity, their feelings of comfort with labels can change quite rapidly, even on a daily basis. Do you think that this is what might be going on? Also, how are you feeling today? 

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4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

No need to apologise for the late reply 🙂

I think that what you're experiencing is completely normal. Gender can be fluid, and when some people go through a period of questioning their identity, their feelings of comfort with labels can change quite rapidly, even on a daily basis. Do you think that this is what might be going on? Also, how are you feeling today?

Hi,

That makes sense, I guess that it is quite likely that it is happening, thank you. Today I didn't really like how I am, it felt like too much of a girl, and I suppose it felt almost embarrassing especially when I was around guys, and when I was around my friends who are girls I felt kind of different from them, if that makes any sense.

Thank you again 

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Digital Mentor
On 9/30/2021 at 3:24 PM, Awkward said:

Hi,

That makes sense, I guess that it is quite likely that it is happening, thank you. Today I didn't really like how I am, it felt like too much of a girl, and I suppose it felt almost embarrassing especially when I was around guys, and when I was around my friends who are girls I felt kind of different from them, if that makes any sense.

Thank you again 

Hey there,

How are things for you at the moment? 

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