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i need help


Seth
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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TW I guess, nothing graphic 

I've been feeling more and more suicidal with the past month or two. I've gotten worse with sh too, more than before. but i dont have anyone to talk about these things , cuz my mom denies that i need a therapist or that anything is wrong with me. My friend has said that i should still go to a therapist, but cuz im a minor i cant "sign up" for therapy without my mom knowing. I really need advice, because im still getting worse and keep having self destructive  thoughts/behaviors.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Ezra-

Thank you for coming to us with this. I think it's really brave to be so open about struggling, and I want you to know that you can talk to us at any time you need. How are you feeling today? I saw that you said about feeling more suicidal over the past month or two, and I'm wondering, are you safe at the moment? I know it might not seem like it now, but these feelings may get better, and we are here to support you every step of the way. I hope to hear that you're safe when you reply, but if you're not, we can help you through this. Take care and hang in there. By the way, just incase you need it, here is some more information if you're in crisis and need someone to talk to: 

 

  • UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
  • USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
  • A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
  • An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
  • If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7

 

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5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Ezra-

Thank you for coming to us with this. I think it's really brave to be so open about struggling, and I want you to know that you can talk to us at any time you need. How are you feeling today? I saw that you said about feeling more suicidal over the past month or two, and I'm wondering, are you safe at the moment? I know it might not seem like it now, but these feelings may get better, and we are here to support you every step of the way. I hope to hear that you're safe when you reply, but if you're not, we can help you through this. Take care and hang in there. By the way, just incase you need it, here is some more information if you're in crisis and need someone to talk to: 

  • UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
  • USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
  • A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
  • An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
  • If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7

Hi. Im safe i guess, just really not feeling well. I appreciate the worries. I hope to get through this,but it really is tough. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Ezra-

I'm glad to hear that you're safe, and from what you've said, it really does sound like you're having a tough time, and I just want you to know that I'm here to talk whenever you need. It's good that you want to get help because some people who struggle don't want to speak about how they're feeling and get better. I'm wondering, would you like to tell me a little bit more about your feelings and what has been going on for you? When you say things are getting worse, why do you think that is? 

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1 minute ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Ezra-

I'm glad to hear that you're safe, and from what you've said, it really does sound like you're having a tough time, and I just want you to know that I'm here to talk whenever you need. It's good that you want to get help because some people who struggle don't want to speak about how they're feeling and get better. I'm wondering, would you like to tell me a little bit more about your feelings and what has been going on for you? When you say things are getting worse, why do you think that is? 

Things might be getting worse because I haven't gotten help in the past. I don't have a very good relationship with either of my parent either, especially my mom and living with her is pressureing me a lot. She fights back almost everything I say,but still "supports" free speech

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Ezra-

Yeah, it makes sense that it feels like things are getting worse because you haven't gotten help in the past, but I'm glad you've opened up to us here because we will be able to help you. I'm wondering, what kind of help do you think you need? Maybe you can also tell me what you've done already to try and work through these feelings. 

Also, sorry to hear that it's difficult living with your mother. I think that everyone goes through a period of not getting along with their parent(s), and I'm curious to know, how does it feel living with her? What kind of impact do you think it has on you? 

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On 9/23/2021 at 11:39 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey @Ezra-

Yeah, it makes sense that it feels like things are getting worse because you haven't gotten help in the past, but I'm glad you've opened up to us here because we will be able to help you. I'm wondering, what kind of help do you think you need? Maybe you can also tell me what you've done already to try and work through these feelings. 

Also, sorry to hear that it's difficult living with your mother. I think that everyone goes through a period of not getting along with their parent(s), and I'm curious to know, how does it feel living with her? What kind of impact do you think it has on you? 

Id really like to start therapy, But whenever i bring it up with my mom, she asks me why i cant talk with her. I try to explain that talking with a professional is gonna help a lot more than just talking to her. Ive gone to a school psychiatrist a few times before (similar to a counsellor i think) but they dont have anything like that at my new school.

Living with my mom is difficult, cuz she says she supports me, but doesnt really act like it. She also gaslights me a bit. For years (and still a little now) i thought that the tone i use when mad or frustrated was me screaming or raising my voice, but its really not. She constantly tells me that stuff that i do is wrong or that my physical problems are cuz of my weight ,activities or "me  eating wrong" when she hasnt even noticed the periods of not eating that i go through.  We bicker or fight almost every day and right after she acts as if nothing is wrong. I think the biggest impact i have from all this is not knowing myself, bit of impostor syndrome and definitely the confidence and personality issues.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

It's great that you'd really like to start therapy, because many people don't want to go down that route, but actually, therapy is so useful and helps us to learn so much about our life which then supports us to develop new ways of processing and dealing with our thoughts and feelings. When you've explained to your mom why it's good to speak to a professional as well as her, what has she said? By the way, I'm wondering, what kind of mental health support does your school offer? 

Also, sorry to hear about how your mom is treating you at the moment. It sounds like home is quite tough for you right now. How are you feeling about it all? We are here for you. 

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50 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

It's great that you'd really like to start therapy, because many people don't want to go down that route, but actually, therapy is so useful and helps us to learn so much about our life which then supports us to develop new ways of processing and dealing with our thoughts and feelings. When you've explained to your mom why it's good to speak to a professional as well as her, what has she said? By the way, I'm wondering, what kind of mental health support does your school offer? 

Also, sorry to hear about how your mom is treating you at the moment. It sounds like home is quite tough for you right now. How are you feeling about it all? We are here for you. 

She doest say anything,we kinda just go to separate rooms. I don't know about any support in my school at the moment. I really don't feel like I'll survive living another 2 years with her,until i can move out.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel like you can survive living with her for another two years. How does it feel when things are bad with her? 

Also, with support in your school, is there anyone you could speak to and find out about what they do for mental health? I'm sure there will be plenty of help available 🙂

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10 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you don't feel like you can survive living with her for another two years. How does it feel when things are bad with her? 

Also, with support in your school, is there anyone you could speak to and find out about what they do for mental health? I'm sure there will be plenty of help available 🙂

Things are constantly bad with her,so I don't really know how to explain it other than normal. She herself doesn't think anything is wrong tho.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that things are constantly bad with her. It must be hard being surrounded by so much negativity - how do you cope with it? You are clearly a very resilient person for getting through this as well as you do. I find it interesting that she doesn't think anything is wrong. Could it be that she knows she is in the wrong, but doesn't want to admit it? I'm wondering, does anyone else know about this and sees your point of view? 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that things are constantly bad with her. It must be hard being surrounded by so much negativity - how do you cope with it? You are clearly a very resilient person for getting through this as well as you do. I find it interesting that she doesn't think anything is wrong. Could it be that she knows she is in the wrong, but doesn't want to admit it? I'm wondering, does anyone else know about this and sees your point of view? 

I usually shut myself off or have a breakdown on my own. I'm not diagnosed but more than one person has agreed,that i might have autism/some type of nd, so these breakdowns can be big, but they're mostly silent . I used to have really bad anger issues,and i still do, but i try not to act on them now.

Ive told my friends about it,but because of me being scared i laugh it off. They still take it serious and agree with me,that it's wrong,but no one's  "helped me fix it" yet.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

It sounds like this situation really gets to you, especially with you having the breakdowns. If it's not too personal to ask, I'm wondering, what kind of thoughts and feelings do you experience when you're having these breakdowns? It's totally okay if you don't want to answer that as I can imagine that this might be hard for you to talk about. Also, I'm curious to know, what kind of things make you think that you might have autism? 

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1 minute ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like this situation really gets to you, especially with you having the breakdowns. If it's not too personal to ask, I'm wondering, what kind of thoughts and feelings do you experience when you're having these breakdowns? It's totally okay if you don't want to answer that as I can imagine that this might be hard for you to talk about. Also, I'm curious to know, what kind of things make you think that you might have autism? 

I'm not really comfortable with expressing my thought on those moments,but i appreciate you asking.

The autism stuff is things that i see or hear diagnosed autistics talk about,that i heavily relate to. Ive tried to put together a list of them before,but it didn't work out

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Seth

How are you doing today?

That's okay. If you do want to talk about it, you know where we are. I know it's hard to express how you feel about something so emotional, but it does help to get it out, and it can be a good of really getting us through a difficult situation when much of it is out of our control. 

Also, interesting about how you relate to things that autistic people do. I'm wondering, can you tell me a little bit more abut this? 

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