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How to stop trusting the wrong people?


Adhara
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Hi there!

I'm dropping this question here because - after a lot of thinking - I've realized that I've got a problem with keeping things to myself with people who hurt me. It's as if I couldn't help it! I have conversations with them - I try to but I can't ignore them forever - and then I drop something personal or simply valuable for me, then once I'm alone and I can think of what I did, I realize I shouldn't have done it. Aaand later on they use it against me and I say to myself "see? I told you!".  

How do you learn to keep things to yourself? I admire that quality so much. I hthink the reason I can't avoid it is because I'm either bored or merely lonely. But also is like I'm not enough for my own company. Is it because a lack of self-love? Am I the only one feeling like this?

So, yeah, what to do?

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Hi @Monsoon, thanks for writing back!

Well, it's not only one type of thing concretely, but to explain myself better, those things that I share thend to be projects that I have in mind and I'm really exited about, or tell them about my bad day. Things like that which, thinking of them, are personal. Things that are important to me (in a possitive or negative way) and are in my mind a lot at the moment.

And -as I said - I know those people don't want good things to happen to me, but there are days in which things are good in between us and, I don't know, it just feels as if I've forgot the times they had hurt me and I can't keep my mouth shut. I know that at said time they are making me feel confortable with them and I know that everytime they are nice, they change, going back at being hurtful and using the latest information as ammo.

I'm talking about people that I have to see regularly, by the way.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Thank you for explaining this to me. Can I ask, who are the people you’re talking about? I think that it sounds like you’re just being friendly and seeking connections with them by sharing the things you’re excited about. I’m wondering, how does it feel to tell them the things that you’re enthusiastic about, like your projects? 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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Hi there again!

Yep, it's pretty much how you say, whenever I approach these people and share something with them is my way of seeking connections (I liked the way you said it). The issue is that I already know they'd do something with said information and yet I can't help it. I can't be on my guard all the time and, sincerelly, I don't really have the energy to do so. But I really want to change the way I open to people and not get caught just because of a "good moment".

When it comes to the way they feel, I wonder that too. They react in different ways: either uninterested and changing subject, the opposite and asking for more, changing subject but only to talk about the time they went through a similiar thing but - of course - worse/better, etc. But they have in common that they wait until the right moment to take the subject out to hurt.

I can't tell you more, actually.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Adhara

Yeah, exactly, you're connecting with people by doing that. I'm wondering, is it that you want to change the way you open up to those people who hurt you, or that you want to change the way you open up to everyone? Also, when you say that they do something with the information, can I ask what you mean? 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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