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help with labelling?


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hey, im back! i came out to a few friends and family, but i was wondering if i could have some help with labelling?

 

i definitely feel attracted to both girls and guys, but i don't find guys attractive unless i already know them/ am friends with them. basically, i just dont find guys hot, but i do still develop crushes on guys who ive known for a while. a couple of my straight friends (who im out to as bi) keep asking me why dont think x boy is hot and thinking that im not actually bisexual im just gay but not ready to come to terms with it, and i have to explain to them that i do feel attraction towards men, just not because they are 'hot'. 

 

i was just wondering if there was a more specific label i could use? im tired of everyone just disregarding my sexuality just because im not your typical 50/50 bisexual. 

 

sorry if thats hard to understand im not really great with explaining

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @A human being

It's nice to hear from you again. How was it coming out to some friends and family? By the way, you explained all of that really well. I'm wondering, have you heard of the term demisexual? This is where people find it hard to have a 'crush' on someone if they aren't emotionally connected to them. So, by getting to know someone and liking their personality, you then find it easier to be sexually attracted to them. What do you think? 

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hey, thanks so much for the reply.

i've only really come out to people who i thought would be fine with it (my mum and a few friends) and they were all really accepting. one of my friends is also gay, so i think that it was a lot easier to talk to her about it.

i think that demisexual describes my attraction to guys really well, although im not sure if im the same way with other girls- i don't seem to feel like i need to know the person well to have a crush on them, but i do for guys.  is that a thing?

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @A human being

I'm really glad to hear they were really accepting - how does it feel for you now that you've told some people? 🙂

Also, yes, it's totally a thing to be able to have a crush on someone without knowing them. I think that with being demiromantic, it can include being attracted to two genders in the different ways that you are. How do you feel about this?

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better after telling some people. When we keep something like this in for so long, you're right, it does feel like you're hiding a part of yourself, and people find it so freeing to tell other people. What do you think the next step is on your journey? 

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I think I’ll probably come out to a few more of my friends, maybe get a pride pin or something. I’ve been dropping a few hints, and that’s really helped me with coming out to people because often it means that they already sort of know, and I find it takes some of the pressure off. For example, my home screen is a subtle bi flag, which my best friend noticed (among other things) so it was very easy to come out to her. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, it's really good to drop hints as this can mean that people are more prepared when you come out if they need to be. Would you mind sharing some of the other things you've done to drop hints? I'm thinking that this will be helpful for other people who are in a similar situation to you 🙂

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Yeah sure. A lot of them had to do with pride flags and colours (which worked for all my friends who know about those), for example I often put 💗💜💙 in my bio for socials, also just generally casually bringing stuff up about lgbtq+ in conversation. If I’m talking with my friends about crushes and stuff, i generally won’t specify gender etc. I was also thinking of getting a pride pin or something similar. Hope this helps people!

 

(btw if the emojis don’t show up on some devices they’re hearts in bi pride colours)

Edited by A human being
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  • 2 weeks later...

hey, sorry i havent been online in a while. 

a couple of days ago I came out to another of my friends, and signed up to my school's lgbt society! i ended up getting a pride badge, and i'm not really hiding my sexuality anymore- if someone notices, then fine by me. there are still a few friends who i havent come out to yet because i'm not sure how they'll react, but i think that i'll tell them soon, as well as most of my family. 

 

thanks so much for all the help here xx

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @A human being

That's great 🙂 

How does it feel being out to more people now? It can feel so freeing when we start telling more people, so I hope you're feeling better about things now 🙂

Is there anything else you'd like support with at the moment? 

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