Childine - Whats it like?

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I noticed that you mentioned your gender earlier on. Would you like to tell us a little bit more about your gender journey and how it has been for you? 

[-echo-]

I've been questioning it for a long while, there were signs early in my life when I look back, but I only really realised it was gender about 2 and a half years ago. I questioned whether I was a girl or non binary, and set on non binary 2 years ago. I've been slowly transitioning since then, using my new name and pronouns online for over a year, using they/them in some safer social situations, and recently I've been dressing more andro/feminine, trying makeup and so on. I got into that LGBT group which is helping refer me to GIDS. I probably wont get into it before I'm 18, but they'll honour the time I've been waiting when they move me to the adult waiting list so I should get on ASAP. Once I start college and settle in, my parents have said I can go private, start feminising hormones which will sort out my figure somewhat, and just generally make me look more like how I look in my head. Which is really exciting. But even still, I'm nowhere near what I want to be and that is really uncomfortable, I guess

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I completely get why you're uncomfortable with not being where you want to be. I imagine that's quite a hard feeling to work through, but it's good that you're getting the referral for the GIDS and your parents have said you can go private for the hormones once you start college and settle in. Can I ask, is there a reason you can't start now? Also, how does it feel making those steps towards your goal such as using your new name and pronouns online? 

[-echo-]

College is starting soon and my parents want me to settle in before I start hormones because of how big a thing it is. They also aren't keen on me taking hormones at all right now, because they think I'm not mature enough to make that decision, but if I wait till I'm 20 or 25 the changes will be much less significant, so starting now is much better. The leader at the group is helping me convince them though, which is good

Changing my name and pronouns online has been great, its let me make sure I like the name and pronouns so I know that when I start in person it'll feel nice

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I completely get that they want to make sure that you're sure, but you know what you want and it's good that someone is working with you to help convince them. I wonder, what do you think they need to hear or see to be able to come around to it?

[-echo-]

They want to know that it isn't going to damage me permanently I think. And the changes, for sure a lot are permanent, so they need convincing that its what I for sure definitely want.

I think if they found out that it doesnt damage fertility permanently for a good few years, and if we talked about freezing reproductive stuff, that would help, and if they found out quite how unhappy I am with the way I look, and quite how much I know that there are some ways I want to look and that I know what I want to look like and that this is the way to go, that would all really help. And I think I've got stuff in place now that'll help convince them of all that

[Monsoon]

Hey -echo-

Yeah, I think it would be good to maybe talk about freezing reproductive stuff - would you be willing to do that if it helped? Also, I'm wondering, could it be worth finding a way of helping them understand how unhappy you are with the way you look? Could you maybe write down your feelings about how you look now, and then how you might feel once you get to a place where the way you look fits in with the ideal image in your head? 

[-echo-]

I'd freeze reproductive stuff for sure, I think I'd want to just incase. I think there is a few ways I can prove to them that I am super uncomfy and this is what I need, if they find out all the stuff I own to help me feel more like what I want to look like, that'll help. Theres a few things. I also need to do a lot more social transitioning, which is scary but exciting

[Monsoon]

Hey -echo-

Yeah, I can totally get why the social transitioning would be scary, but as you said, also exciting as well. What do you think some of your next steps might be for your journey then?  

[-echo-]

I think that my new name is the next big step, and pronouns, and then changing the way I present, clothes and makeup and stuff. That'll be really nice to do, I think

[Monsoon]

Hey -echo-

Yeah, the new name will be a good next step. Can I ask, what is your new name?

Also, do you have a plan for when you might start to take those next steps? I think you'll feel so much better when you start making those smaller steps towards living authentically. 

[-echo-]

My new name is Echo

I'm gonna go shopping on saturday with my sister, I'm gonna start training my voice soon, not sure when though, and the name change is coming on the 13th I think

[Monsoon]

Hey,

That sounds really exciting. Do you have to go somewhere to train your voice or do you do it yourself? 

[-echo-]

I think I'll start on youtube by myself, but if I find somewhere to do it with someone who knows what they're doing I'd definitely take the opportunity

[Monsoon]

Hey -echo-

Yeah, YouTube sounds like a great start. I must say, it's exciting to hear about all of the things you have planned for your transition, and I am looking forward to seeing you take those steps towards living as your true self.  How are you feeling about everything? 

[-echo-]

I'm a little nervous about it all, but I'm excited. I talked to my mum yesterday about coming out, we've decided on the 13th, but my dad will still be in hospital then so maybe not. We'll tell the closer family and theres some family I can ask to tell everyone else, because I cant be bothered to tell all my far away conservative family members, I'll leave that for someone else

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get the nerves, but can also see how exciting it must be for you. Also, yeah, if you can make the journey easier for yourself by asking other family members to tell others, then definitely go for it. 

How is your therapy going by the way? 

[-echo-]

Therapy is going alright, I didnt have any this week cause she's on holiday, but its been very helpful

[Monsoon]

Hey,

I'm glad to hear that the therapy has been very helpful for you. Have you noticed any changes in yourself since you started? If so, would you like to share them with us? It's totally okay if not - I only ask because it can be good to take a moment to reflect on progress that we've made. Speak soon!