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I need to come out to my homophobic parents


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I’m bisexual yet I tried to tell them last year my stepdad was fine with it however my mum was like no your not you haven’t had sexual relations with a girl which I tried to explain to her that I have however she didn’t believe me I really want to tell her to night so need some advice ASAP I think now is the best time but I’m scared. 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Ellie-may

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us :)

I'm glad to hear that your stepdad was fine, but sorry to learn that your mum didn't react that well. Her response is quite common for parents, and it comes down to a lack of knowledge about sexuality; you don't have to have had sexual relations with a particular sex/gender to know your sexuality, it's just something that many people are certain of. Some parents do react badly at first, but you can prove to them that you are sure by sticking to your word which will help them to see that you mean it, so really, it might just take time and persistence. What do you think? I completely get that you're scared, and that's a totally normal feeling. I know you can do it though - you've got this. 

Can I ask, do you feel ready to tell her? 

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Ellie-may

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us :)

I'm glad to hear that your stepdad was fine, but sorry to learn that your mum didn't react that well. Her response is quite common for parents, and it comes down to a lack of knowledge about sexuality; you don't have to have had sexual relations with a particular sex/gender to know your sexuality, it's just something that many people are certain of. Some parents do react badly at first, but you can prove to them that you are sure by sticking to your word which will help them to see that you mean it, so really, it might just take time and persistence. What do you think? I completely get that you're scared, and that's a totally normal feeling. I know you can do it though - you've got this. 

Can I ask, do you feel ready to tell her? 

Yeah I do feel ready it’s been a year since I tried to come out I messaged her last night however she said to me this morning talk later and she’s avoiding it. Xx

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Ellie-may

I'm glad to hear that you feel ready. Yeah, it does sound like she is avoiding it. Maybe you could just try to catch her at a time where you feel like she isn't expecting it, because she might continue to avoid it (if that's what she is doing). On the other hand, you could be really clear about it and just say that you want to take about your sexuality. I think either could work. What do you think?

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Ellie-may

I'm glad to hear that you feel ready. Yeah, it does sound like she is avoiding it. Maybe you could just try to catch her at a time where you feel like she isn't expecting it, because she might continue to avoid it (if that's what she is doing). On the other hand, you could be really clear about it and just say that you want to take about your sexuality. I think either could work. What do you think?

Yeah today I sat down in front of my mums best friend “my second mum” and came out to her she’s always been ok with any sexuality so I thought if I told her I could at least have someone there backing me up she’s going to talk to my mum she’s also said cause I’m like a mum to my brother that I could go over there at the weekend so hopefully it will give me a break xx

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Hey @Ellie-may

I just want to say well done for coming out; it takes courage as it can be so nerve-wracking. How did it go telling her? Also, do you mean that she is going to talk to your mum about your sexuality? 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Ellie-may

I just want to say well done for coming out; it takes courage as it can be so nerve-wracking. How did it go telling her? Also, do you mean that she is going to talk to your mum about your sexuality? 

Telling her was fine however she’s discussed it with my mum and my mum has gone mad!

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that your mum has gone mad. I can imagine that this must be hard for you, and I just want you to know that we are here for you. It seems like she is going to need quite a bit of time to come around to the news, and it's going to be tricky because you'll have to be quite patient with it, but I think it will get better for you. What do you reckon? Also, I just want to check in and see how you are doing? You are not alone, Ellie May. We are here by your side. Speak soon. 

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12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that your mum has gone mad. I can imagine that this must be hard for you, and I just want you to know that we are here for you. It seems like she is going to need quite a bit of time to come around to the news, and it's going to be tricky because you'll have to be quite patient with it, but I think it will get better for you. What do you reckon? Also, I just want to check in and see how you are doing? You are not alone, Ellie May. We are here by your side. Speak soon. 

Thank u so much for the support she’s kinda settling down now. It’s not helping my mental health as I’m bad already however fingers crossed it will all get better soon especially as I now have a job doing what I love it may take the thoughts away so yay for me 😂 I want to say thank you again I needed ur help and it worked xxx

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Hey @Ellie-may I really hope that the settling down continues and your mum takes the opportunity to process and learn more, especially why she feels this way. It could be that her friend will be a real help here.

Your job sounds super positive! What do you do?

 

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20 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey @Ellie-may I really hope that the settling down continues and your mum takes the opportunity to process and learn more, especially why she feels this way. It could be that her friend will be a real help here.

Your job sounds super positive! What do you do?

I think the dust is settling however not sure how she will act when I get a girlfriend as I’m not interested in boys yet a few are attractive. I’m a trainee beauty therapist I’m working in a beauty salon so at least then I’ll have more experience than the rest when I go to college in September xx

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