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I keep saying mean comments to my friends, how can I stop?


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I keep lashing out at all my friends and being really horrible to them. I called one friend fat the other day and I knew it would upset her but I did it anyway. I knew I was being mean but I kinda didnt really care. Then i also told my other friend that she was an awful person and listed loads of reasons why. It upset her but I wanted to tell her anyway.


I dont know why I keep doing it. A part of me knows I should stop but I do it anyway and i dunno why. I do feel bad but it kinda makes me feel good to. Why am i like this?

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I know what you mean sometimes I say stuff to my sister that I know I shouldn't but can't stop myself, don't feel bad you are aware of it and obvs want to change it otherwise you wouldn't post here.


I think to be honest is brave.



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Are you feeling annoyed, angry or upset at something other than your friends - then taking out those emotions on them? Sometimes we hurt those closest to us when there is something else going on when we trying to find a way to deal with it. I always have arguments with my mum after a stressful day.

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Hey Bookworm, welcome to DTL Community!

Cloudwaves is right in asking if there's something else going on for you behind the scenes? It may not even be immediately obvious. Let us know!




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  • 6 months later...

It's incredible that you're wanting to change your behavior!


Friends and family know exactly how to push our buttons, and we know theirs. But if we catch ourselves purposefully hurting them, it's definitely time to look at ourselves!


Maybe you've been holding things in, and it's coming out in a non-constructive way. What do we actually want to happen by telling them these things? Do we want our space? Are we upset by something they did a couple weeks ago? Do you feel like you're never listened to?


For me, the best way to change my behavior is through communicating what I need...


What have you all done to relieve some of this pressure?




This Digital Mentor Account is no longer active.

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  • 10 months later...

Sometimes your being mean because you care about them. There has been research that states that your meanest friend is actually the friend that wants you to succeed the most (https://nypost.com/2017/05/26/your-meanest-friend-just-wants-the-best-for-you-scientists-say/) Maybe the friend you called fat talked about starting to eat healthy the other day and you just noticed them finish a whole bag of chips and your rude comment was meant in a "helpful" way to remind them of their original goals. Regardless, however, you should take a look back at yourself when you're being rude or mean and see if you are actually trying to help or just wants to make the person feel bad. If you have nothing good to say, don't say it

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