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Slightly Homophobic friend ๐Ÿ˜ 


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Ok, I have a friend who occasionally makes homophobic jokes and even admitted that he is kind of homophobic but he doesn't know that I am Bisexual so doesn't understand why it affects me more than it would If I wasn't.

Does anyone know how I can get him to stop without revealing I am Bisexual as I want my parents to be the first to know.

I don't really know why I'm still his friend as he is mean and hasn't helped with the fact I was bullied all throughout primary school and is also very forceful and mean to his mum. I'm going off topic now so I'll stop

Max

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @MoonieOwl

Thanks for sharing this with us. I can imagine that this is upsetting for you. I'm wondering, have you ever said anything to him about his jokes in general? Also, although you say that your last point is going off topic, what you've mentioned is important. It sounds like he brings negativity to your life, is that fair to say? I just find it interesting that you question why you're still his friend. So, can I ask, why are you still his friend?

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I do enjoy to hang out with him but sometimes he gets on my nerves so much I want to hurt him...

also I have told him about his comments but he just admitted that he is homophobic so I don't know what to do because he hates it when I'm right or better than him so it's very hard to talk about serious stuff like this.

Max

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Hi @MoonieOwlย Echoing Monsoon's response. It's important to understand your worth as a friend - first off,ย you deserve to be treated well and with respect. Secondly, it's sad but sometimes we do outgrow friends for all sorts of reasons and I wonder if this has happened here? We all change and grow and it sounds like he doesn't share your values at all and you shouldn't feel like you have to come out to him in order for him to show respect and acceptance for anyone who identifies as LGBTQIA+. When we hang out with friends, I know they can sometimes annoy us but we usually come away feeling better.

What do you enjoy about hanging out with him? Do you think you might be able to gradually pull away from this friendship?ย 

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I dont think Ill be able to pull away from the friendship as I sit next to him in school and our parents are close so I'll be offered to go somewhere with him quite often and If i keep refusing it will get awkward.

Max

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  • Digital Mentor
5 hours ago, MoonieOwl said:

I dont think Ill be able to pull away from the friendship as I sit next to him in school and our parents are close so I'll be offered to go somewhere with him quite often and If i keep refusing it will get awkward.

Hmmm, that is a little tricky. I know you're not out to your parents yet, but when you are, it might be worth explaining what he can be like so they can support you in spending less time with him outside of school. But that's not to say you should rush to come out - only do that in your own time.

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