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I've come to realize something.


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Over the past few months, i wasn't feeling like myself. I've always identified as a female, because my parents wanted me to. When i was younger, i always wanted to be a boy or something, but my parents kept distracting me from that thought, which made me feel neglected of my feelings on who i am. I don't hate my parents, i love them to death... but let me be honest.... they are the most homophobic, transphobic, literally-anything -to-do-with-the- LGBTQ+-community-phobic.
Back to what i was saying, i haven't felt like myself for a while. I've given up.  I started cutting myself, and did things people shouldn't do. 
I figured out a while ago, that just being a girl wasn't enough for me. I liked being whatever gender i liked, whenever i wanted to be that gender.  So i did my research, and figured out that i am genderfluid. 
The past few weeks i've been crying my eyes out, because i'm a christian...and changing your gender is a sin....being gay (i'm Pan), is a sin. I haven't came out to anyone, until now on this post.
I don't want anyone feeling bad for me. I just really want someone to talk to about my feelings, without them automatically judging me for being who i am. 
Thank you for your time.

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I know that being yourself and your sexuality can be hard in religions but that doesn't change who you are tell your parents (when you're ready) and please don't care about what people think or say about live your life the way you want and do what makes you happy

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  • Digital Mentor

Hello @Bee_Is_Yes

Thank you for sharing more of your story with us. I remember your other post where you told us about being pansexual. I am grateful that you have come out to us about your gender identity. How did it feel telling us? You’re doing a really good thing by speaking to other people about how you feel. I just want you to know that this is a completely non-judgemental space and you can talk to us about anything. You can share absolutely anything about how you’re feeling too.

I’m sorry to hear that you have been cutting yourself. I know that people do this for many reasons, some of which include helping to cope with challenging feelings like stress and anxiety. giving a sense of control over a difficult situation, and hurting yourself because you feel like you deserve it. Do you have an idea why you’ve been cutting yourself? Also, would you like to have a look at our support guide on safe alternatives to self harm? You could choose a few to do instead of cutting and let me know how it goes: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Also, can I ask, when you say you’ve done things you shouldn’t have, would you like to tell us about that? It’s okay if you don’t. It’s completely up to you what you choose to share with us.

I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care.

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It's quite alright. And thanks.
I got so depressed that i tried killing myself. Thankfully, i realized that there's more to life, and that i have great friends. 
It was kind of embarrassing, to be honest. It took a bit of courage to talk about this, but in the end, i'm glad i did. I'm so thankful for all the wonderful, supportive people on here.  

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Bee_Is_Yes thanks so much for sharing with us - it takes a lot of courage to open up. Just so you know, if you ever get to a point of depression like that at any time again, you can talk to us (there's also an option to do this confidentially if you prefer) - we're here for you and will support you through. This is a good app to have - it has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful.

 


 

 



 

 

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Hey bee,

If you wanna talk to someone I am here to give advice and make cheesy jokes that are so bad it makes them funny!

I don't really know what else to say but if you want to talk I will reply as soon as possible😉

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Max

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 6/11/2021 at 10:24 PM, Bee_Is_Yes said:

Over the past few months, i wasn't feeling like myself. I've always identified as a female, because my parents wanted me to. When i was younger, i always wanted to be a boy or something, but my parents kept distracting me from that thought, which made me feel neglected of my feelings on who i am. I don't hate my parents, i love them to death... but let me be honest.... they are the most homophobic, transphobic, literally-anything -to-do-with-the- LGBTQ+-community-phobic.
Back to what i was saying, i haven't felt like myself for a while. I've given up.  I started cutting myself, and did things people shouldn't do. 
I figured out a while ago, that just being a girl wasn't enough for me. I liked being whatever gender i liked, whenever i wanted to be that gender.  So i did my research, and figured out that i am genderfluid. 
The past few weeks i've been crying my eyes out, because i'm a christian...and changing your gender is a sin....being gay (i'm Pan), is a sin. I haven't came out to anyone, until now on this post.
I don't want anyone feeling bad for me. I just really want someone to talk to about my feelings, without them automatically judging me for being who i am. 
Thank you for your time.

Hon, I’m fluidflux and all I can say is gender is wack. You don’t control it. It’s just wack. Also you can pm me whenever you need.

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  • 1 month later...

Congratulations on your discovery, first of all. Like, genuinely. Gender is extremely hard a lot of times cause you don't even know how other people experience gender and if what you go through is normal or not. I genuinely always thought wishing I was a boy was just something every girl did for the longest time. So I'm happy for you for being able to figure it out so quickly.

My parents are very phobic, too, you aren't alone. They pulled me out of the closet when I was 14 only to tell me I was too young to know my sexuality. They've said horrible things about the non-binary community with all three of their kids in the room, they've said things about the trans community that just isn't true at all, too. If I came out to them as trans, they'd probably try to convince me that I'm just a tomboy or a butch lesbian—and I resent them for the way they are when it comes to my identity.

Don't let your parents try to convince you things like that. Don't let them try to manipulate who you are. You aren't them and shouldn't be them, and you shouldn't let them tell you who you are.

I'm really new here, but I hope you're doing well. My partner has had the worst problems with cutting, I know that can get really really horrible for some people, please stay strong and take care of yourself. I'd totally be up to chat if you ever feel like it or need to talk.

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over the last few months, i’ve been very confused with my sexuality i am bicurious & lately it’s been a struggle to know if i am or not, i’ve been having these emotions & i just wish i could understand myself if that makes sense. i feel like it’s something i am excited but also nervous about because the people i’m surrounded by. 

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