rant Speaking

[AnnaBanana]

Hey. I am really worried about my voice. I find it really hard to forget bad stuff that has happened earlier in my life, even the littlest things. So my mother tongue is English, I speak English everyday at home but I am waaay behind because I don’t learn any new in English in school.  But I am still better than everyone else in my class. One day my teacher asked me a question. I can’t remember what the teacher asked me, but lets just say I answered soccer.  The teacher told me in front of the whole class that I am wrong and that the real answer is football. Even though the words mean the same thing I still got really embarrassed. I can’t remember if any of my classmates laughed but I remember crying. There has been a lot more that has caused me to be so insecure but this is the only thing i remember clearly enough to actually tell a legit story. Blah blah blah, ill get to the point. 1. I am basically mute when it comes to English, I only speak English when I am at home. I dont think i have to explain why this is a problem. 2. My mom thinks I am acting stupid and retarded because I think its cool. 3. I feel so embarrassed telling people that my mother tongue is English and then being afraid of speaking English. This was very wordy and didn’t make a lot of sense, but I hope yall got the message. Its very late and I have to sleep.

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

Thanks for telling us about this. It's completely normal to have difficulty forgetting the bad stuff that happened earlier in life. The more emotional an event was, the more likely we are to remember it. I get what you mean about how you're feeling embarrassed about your mother tongue being English and then being afraid to speak it. However, it actually sounds like you're pretty good. I think that it sounds like you're just focusing on little things which is completely normal if we are feeling quite low in general. What do you think? Just an idea. 

I wonder if there's something you can do to feel better? Like the gratitude diary I suggested? 

[AnnaBanana]

I think you are right. I focus on the little things. I have started on the gratitude diary, It is going pretty well.

[Monsoon]

Yeah. It's totally normal to focus on the little things when we aren't in a good place. Glad to hear the gratitude diary is going well :). If you do start to focus on little things, maybe take a step back and think 'Is this thing really worth the energy? Will I look back in five years and think, I'm glad I spent time worrying about this?'