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Bad friendship groups


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I have been bullied (verbally and emotionally abused) by two friendship groups for 10+ years.


One group from university started targeting me as soon as I joined. They are Indian and I am Pakistani. One of the main toxic /narcassistic people was overtly verbally racist and xenophobic straight away and kept on highlighting me being a different religion and my country. He was consistently targeting me for the entire time at university including a time where for a 2 hr lecture he kept on verbally abusing in front of the whole class. I didn't know what to do and kept quiet. I confronted them many times and threatened them with physically and to report them and they didn't stop.


They over time 'befriended' me whilst still continuing the abuse and manipulation over time subtly and overtly and saying I'm being too sensitive etc. Due to needing help in finishing my studies I did choose to ally with them to some extent. I have a kind, forgiving nature and was very naive, gullible and forgiving.


After university I thought the abuse would reduce and I could keep on touch with a few of the guys who had a good characteristics. However the main instigator for the hate was always there and he would always being up religion and politics and his hate for me. Other would hardly stop him and enable him and join.


I tried to stand up for myself on occasions and was shot down and with years of being abused and put down gave up after a few attempts and them saying it's nothing shifting the blame on me and carrying on.


This happened on trips as well where the most toxic person would arrive and start to target usually about religion to provoke me and get everyone to say things to provoke me. I protested and was shor down.


Eventually a few years ago I burnt out, quit work, had no self esteem, self belief and confidence or know what's happening.


Only on the last year and last few months have I realised the amount of abuse I suffered. The abuse continued and I didn't get much help from most people in the group as 3 had moved away.


I have recently just realised how bad it was and all the suppressed memories and feelings came back. One of the group was less involved and has helped me a lot in my hard times. I told him and be acknowledged that it was bad.


I had been reducing contact in group chats with the group and now have decided to cut them all off and blocked them on social media etc apart from the person who has been helping me in my recovery. There is one person who was part of commitirng the abuse at university and other times and at times was kind and nice to me including me messaging him earlier this year for general chat. I know from reading articles it's best to cut all abusers and heal. I am not sure if I should cut him out or out and to have a chat with him my main intuition tells me to cut him out without talking to trying to maintain a relationship.


What's the best way to process the past events that I had been ignoring, suppressing for so long and ignoring the people around me were actually the ones hurting me.


My life has been deeply impacted by the bullying and loss of 4 years of mental health issues and no jobs.


What are good ways to process it, view myself, things to learn, grow and heal.


I am now distrustful of many people wondering if they will manipulate or bully me.

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Hello @Margaraman


Welcome to our support community. My name is Monsoon and I'm one of the digital mentors here at Ditch the Label. It's my job to give advice and support to our users. Thank you for sharing your story with us - I am sorry to hear about all of the abuse and bullying you experienced from these people. You did not deserve this - the problem is with those who bullied you. I can completely see why this kind of abuse would deeply impact your life in terms of your mental health and not being able to trust many people.


I think that you are currently doing all the right things that you should be at this moment. You have acknowledged what happened and are talking about it. These are the first steps in processing what happened to you and starting to heal. With the other person from the group, I am wondering, what do you think would be the best thing for you right now?

Edited by Monsoon
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