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questioning


bmac5 ย  ย 

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So, I'm 25 years old and a virgin. I have watched gay porn for a while now, and also frequently watch straight porn. In my younger years i got caught watching gay porn by my parents and that was a very traumatic experience as I was told that what I was doing was wrong. Its hard for me to imagine having a connection with anyone at this point. I've been questioning my sexuality for so long that it feels like this never ending struggle. I don't think my parents would accept me if i was anything but straight so that pushes me to think that i must be straight, and then my porn habits say otherwise. I've been confused for so long now that its just turning into exhaustion. Sorry if this post is unorganized. I just had to get my thoughts down and see if anyone could help.

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Hey @bmac5

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Welcome to our support community. My name is Monsoon and i'm one of the digital support mentors here. Thank you for sharing your story with us - we are here to help you through this.

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I'm sorry to hear that you had that traumatic experience which made you feel that you were doing something wrong. Do you still think that you were doing something wrong by watching gay porn? I'm wondering, when you say 'I don't think my parents would accept me if i was anything but straight so that pushes me to think that i must be straight', do you feel that you are probably straight because your parents wouldn't accept you if you were gay? If so, why is that? I might have read it wrong, but I just want to check.

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Speak soon,

-Monsoon

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I don't think watching gay porn is wrong at all. I'm just saying that if I were anything but straight my parents probably wouldn't accept me so that pressures me to prefer to be straight so it will be easier for me.

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Hey @bmac5

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Thanks for replying so quickly. I can completely see why you're feeling so exhausted after questioning your sexuality for so long. It is in our nature as humans to know exactly who we are, however, finding out these kinds of things can take a long time which can be soo frustrating. I'm wondering, what is your gut feeling about your sexuality?

Edited by Monsoon

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Hey there. Thanks for getting back to me. I think that itรขโ‚ฌโ„ขs always important to take note of what your gut is telling you and see what you think after that. What do you think might be next in your journey?

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