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Still a scaredy-cat


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Hi, guys!


This is the third time I write in this site. Since the last time, I've been doing much better: I've been exercising, communicating more, doing some mental health advances and just feeling a new me growing. - Damn, I'm even daring to get my teeth fixed for the first time which terrifies me to the BONES. Just talking to the people working at my dentist used to be a threat.


Although I've been getting my s*** together lately, there are still remains of my anxiety. Big ones. I still don't get out as much as I would like to (though that could also be because of the current global situation) and I still have this inferiority complex. Like, for example, next September I'll be starting new lessons of a new languaje that I'm really excited about, but all I can think of is how much people will hate me in there and how bad I'll be at it.


I know it can be normal to have insecurities, but to me is the irrational way it comes to my mind and the fact that, this time, I simply don't want to f*** it up after all the progress I've made so far. I feel as if I'm at a very secured spot right now but still way too afraid to move further. And that could also be applied to friendships, sex and work/studies. There is this final project that I must do in order to finish my master's degree and I just can't move forward, I'm completely stucked, and the thought of my supervisor hating on me for it paralyzes me even more. And even at my best physically, when it comes to dating, I can't help but to think that I'm the ugliest person in the world and not deserving. Which is ridiculous 'cause I'm a snack. (Jk.)


I just simply would like to reach the 'nirvana' of allowing myself to be me, no matter how vulnerable it could make me, accepting mistakes and simply become a better self.


No matter how much I poop my pants in the progress.


Pooping is natural and it's a human right, goddammit.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey Adhara,


It's good to hear from you again. I'm glad to hear that you've ben doing much better since your last posts and it sounds like you're doing a lot to help your mental health at the moment. You've come a long way and you're now able to face previous fears that were crippling for you. Think of where you'll be in a year or so. Currently, you're worried about the language lessons, but you'll probably look back and it won't even seem scary to you anymore. With anxiety, our journey to coping better can be up and down. For example, you might find that you are doing really well one week, and the next, it seems like you've taken ten steps back. This is completely normal and there will be times where you feel like you can't cope, but the truth is, you already are :)


When people have anxious thoughts, it can be helpful to list the evidence for the anxious thought and the evidence against it. Usually, the evidence that disproves it is bigger than the evidence that proves it. Why don't you have a go at that? It can be a useful tool for dealing with these crippling thoughts and feelings. I also think it would be good if you can tell me three or four things you like about yourself/what you're good at/what people like about you.


Let me know what you think. Take care,

-Monsoon :cool:



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