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I am confused about my sexuality, may be I'm bi?


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I am 21 and I have always thought of myself as straight. I never dated anyone but men, which never lasted longer than 2 months, and i never was asked out by a woman before. I find women as pretty as men (sometimes even prettier than men), for the longest time I just couldn't picture myself kissing one, holding hangs or being in a romantic relationship with one. I have just finished my first year of uni and, looking back on it, i have been so flirty with my girlfriends, jokingly smooching them, playfully talking about dating them. One of my friends said that I am the gayest straight person she ever met lol (I kinda took pride in that).


I loved Blue is the Warmest Colour and Portrait of a Lady on Fire, but I am not sure if I shipped the main characters much, it felt like they lacked chemistry to me, however they were very pretty. During the quarantine I had a sex dream about a woman (stranger) and it was so hot. Seeing a heterosexual couple on the street, I stare at the girlfriend if she is hotter, I stare at the boyfriend if he is hotter. Most of my friends are straight so idk if to take it as a sign that I am straight, I usually struggle with conversations with gay/bi/pan women and men.


At this point I'm so confused. May be I can imagine myself dating a woman, just not as freely because I grew up in the Russian conservative family, where this sort of topic was not brought up much? I had crushes on boys all the time when I was younger, never on girls. I found girls beautiful, but not to the point of thinking of asking them out.


I have one bi girlfriend I was thinking of talking to about it, because I need advice, but I don't feel comfortable with this yet. I am uncomfortable experimenting with this too because I don't know how I would react if a woman was flirting with me but I know for sure it's romantically, not platonically, u know?


What are your thoughts?

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Hey there. Thanks for coming to us for support - we are here to help you figure this out. It's great that you're reaching out to others for advice.


From what you've said so far, it does sound like your mind is exploring both options at the moment. Sexuality is fluid and can change as time goes on, so you might be coming to a point where you realise that you like both. You could help understand yourself more by exploring and talking about it when you're ready. As you said, you don't know how you'd react if a woman was flirting with you, and the only way to find out is to explore it, I guess! Maybe you could sign up to a dating app and see how it goes with talking to women? Let me know what you think.


- Monsoon


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