In doubt with my friendships

[Aamee]

A little introduction about how i am like as person. I am really spontaneous and I love talking about my thoughts and ideas a lot. The downside of being impulsive , is i easily overreact in situations. I enjoy a honest company with anyone tbh, I am an extrovert. But I really value my me time a lot. I really admire honesty. I am a med student , needless to say I enjoy my going out time and the time i spent with friends

So in my case I have a "best/close" friend named Ash.

Just like me she wants to experience everything , but she is religious and is hence restrictive to a lot of things I want to explore. I am the closest to her and its mostly cause she is always there to listen. But I really really value that ( cause that is very rare) , but i feel like cause of our differences in our way we see the world , I dont always enjoy her company. But cause she is always there , when I feel like spontaneously doing something she always tags along.We rarely have deep conversations or discuss our thoughts. And I always feel uncomfortable scenting time with her (its not her fault), and sometimes I cant help but I am rude to her, cause sometimes I feel like she is entering my personal space a bit too much. Also, she never shares what she is doing that particular day or anything exciting thats going to happen to her . I always only find out about it through her insta stories , which makes me wonder if i am that self centered friend who only focuses on herself. But i have told her those thoughts before and she denied without giving an explanation why she does not share. What annoys me the most , is that she agrees to do things she is uncomfortable doing and scowls throughout it and i hate that. But I forgive her cause we both our young and we are just figuring things out. But its the undeniable fact that i feel bad after hanging out with her.

 

 

 

[Monsoon]

Hey AAMEE,

 

Thanks for coming to us

 

It sounds like you're really questioning this friendship at the moment. I've been there before myself and it can be really tough!

 

I think that people have different kinds of friends for different reasons. For example, you might be friends with one person because they listen to you really well, and you might be friends with another person because you always have a good time with them. I guess my point is that our friends don't always have to be the perfect fit for us, but they might have the right quality we may be missing somewhere else.

 

I think that for any situation where you've met with someone and end up come away feeling bad, you need to really think about why that is and if it's something that you can get past. It does sound like you are different people, but that doesn't mean you cannot have a good friendship. Being friends with different people can also mean that they give a different viewpoint on things

 

What do you think of this?

 

Speak soon!

 

- Monsoon

[Aamee]

Heyy Monsoon

Yes, I understand what you have told me, but I feel bad or I feel like I am using that person for that one quality I treasure in them.

And the only reason they might listen to me is because their good . And she herself has told me that she feels like she cares too much for people and she cares less for herself. And like nowadays , I have been distancing from her , but I feel like this is being mutual. I have been distancing from her cause of our differences and also cause she complains all the time , which I cannot stand ( i hate people who complain , and who r not gratefull). Another reason was when ever we hangout , I cook for her (i LOVE to cook), she never helps me and she is never grateful too ( there was this one time I saw her throw the food away , and thats another thing I cannot stand people wasting food).

I dont know where I am going with this , but the way I see it , I am in this relationship who only cause she responds quickly to me ( cause i am a bit spontaneous), that response is always neutral ( she does not share her opinion).

And I dont know how to break it off with her , cause since we have been close in the beginning all of our friend groups overlap.I really dont even know if this thought process is even right .

 

[Monsoon]

Hey AAMEE,

 

Yeah I get why that makes you feel bad tbh. I can imagine you feel like the friendship isn't genuine in a way, and I think everyone has felt like that at some point.

 

I think if you are both distancing yourself, then that's probably the best way to go about it really. Do you think you need have a conversation about it? I guess if you did, it could make it awkward when you see her in the future. But it could also make things clearer as well and you could find out you're both on the same page.

 

We also have this article about 'breaking up' with a 'toxic friend'. This isn't me saying your friend is toxic, but you may find some of the tips helpful https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-steps-to-breaking-up-with-a-toxic-friend/

 

What do you think the right thing to do is here?

 

Speak soon,

 

- Monsoon