rant What do I do?

[huda]

Uhh long post upcoming with somewhat butchered grammar (sorry in advance) but I honestly don't know what to do anymore...

I'm stuck in a very very confusing and hard situation where my family is muslim and while my parents can be really loving they can also be borderline emotionally manipulative.

About 3 years ago I properly realized that I'm lesbian (though my sexuality is something I'm still fully trying to understand) but as you can imagine, my family is highly homophobic, perhaps even dangerously so. I am actually really happy to be both muslim and lesbian but I know this is something my family would never accept. Hell, I went through a severe emotionally tumultuous time during senior year for choosing not to be a medical student in uni, so I can only imagine where this could go if my family figured out this. The thing with my culture is you kind of stay with your parents until you are married so I don't have the option to say "I want to move out."

Me and my girlfriend are in the same situation, both muslim, both homophobic controlling families. But we have been together in secret for two years and have really been able to grow together and have already faced so much. Something happened and now both of us are planning to officially cut ties with our families by February as it is getting too dangerous to just stay put. Thankfully, our uni has been helping us somewhat but there's several problems still.

While we have figured out where to live and the like, both of us can't get jobs as of right now because of our helicopter parents. Another problem is the emotional toll itself. both of us are having such a hard time because our family depends on us quite a bit (I have an autistic brother who needs my help and depends on me as he is more close to me and she has another situation as well.) We also have other younger siblings and we are afraid they might come under fire when we leave as we the oldest. Our parents are also not inherently bad people and after so many years of love and care it hurts to know how much we could be hurting them for something we ultimately can't even choose.

Essentially, we would like to come out before we leave as just running away would make us live in guilt forever along with another problem where our parents would probably freak out trying to find us. We would rather come out to them in a public place (as coming out at home is way too dangerous) but we would also rather have someone who can intervene on the table with us, though honestly we don't know if there is a resource for that or who could it be?

I'm not sure anymore. any advice? is this even a good idea? I want both of us to live happily but the thing is the longer we stay in the family the sooner we will be expected to marry. My family is already looking for prospects and while they won't force me as they are not the type, the pressure will increase pretty soon and I will run out of excuses. And obviously, I know I can't live with a guy...and to be frankly honest, I am afraid to figure out where it could go if I do get married and get forced into something. Either way, I could really use some help.

[Remi]

Hello @huda,

 

Welcome to our community, you are really brave for posting this here.

 

This is a situation which feels like it doesn't have any perfect outcomes too. I understand why this is so emotional for you and I cannot advise you what to do as only you can do that but I fully understand why this is a tough decision for you.

 

Your relationship with your partner is entirely valid and I'm so happy you know that there is nothing wrong with your sexuality. There are organisations that support LGBT in Sheffield

http://www.lgbtsheffield.co.uk/ and Imaan is an organisation that specifically supports LGBT muslims. You could speak to any of these organisations about your situation and i'm sure they would be able to support you.

 

We will be here for you whatever you decide to do.

 

-Remi