Are my friends real friends or backstabbers?

[jandy]

I had a group of amazing friends at my school. We met about a year and a half ago when I moved to the school district. We started a club together and went through so much. They're more than friends to me - they're family. They helped me get through lots of stuff I was struggling with at home last school year, and they helped me get to a safe foster home where I was happy. There's this one girl who was never part of our club. But she liked me. Too much. In the beginning of last school year, she and I had a consentual relationship. Until she started pressuring me. She'd pressure me to send her nudes and take off my clothes for her in the bathroom and she'd go insane if I didn't do it. She threatened me and always caused a big scene when I said no to her. I didn't want her mad at me because she made my life living hell, so most of the time I gave in to her. By the beginning of this school year, things got even more intense. Eventually it went way too far and she touched me inappropriately without my consent. Even after this event, she'd follow me everywhere and wouldn't let me talk to anyone else but her. So I told my school. They had me fill out a report and then the police were involved. She was instructed to stay away from me. And at first, it was clear that the principal and guidance counsler at my school believed me. They even clearly took my side. She didn't get her way, so posted rumours about me online to all my friends and they believed her. They believe that I sexually assaulted her. I lost most of my friends to her. A few months after the report, the school started to be far less strict about the rules, and now she's basically doing whatever she wants while I spend most of my time staying away from her. Now it's been six months, and the school has made it clear to me that they don't believe me anymore and that they're taking her side. And everytime she does something she knows shes not supposed to do, they always find a way to blame me. Now it's my responsibility to stay away from her and its practically all I do now. A lot of my friends are still really nice to my face and we have lots of fun. But at the same time, I see them putting pictures up of them all together with the girl who assaulted me. They talk to me one minute and then they're with her and they believe all her lies. It's clearly an elephant in the room situation. I can't decide if they're real friends or not, and I can't decide if I should talk to them about it.

[Remi]

Hello @jandy

 

This sounds like a very distressing situation for you and i'm very sorry to hear that you have gone through this. If these people are like family have you tried sitting them down and talking to them about all of this? You may end up losing one or two friends through this but it might be that they were not the best of friends for you anyway.

 

I'm so sorry that this person is still giving you aggravation and that the school aren't behind you. Do you have a group of people that see your side of things. I know it feels like everyone is against you right now but honestly to other people this isn't the most important thing for them so they won't be thinking of it all the time like you are.

 

I would recommend talking to your friends about it, a lot of people just chose to be bystanders and not get too involved for an easy life so i would try not to think of it that they are choosing her over you, but I understand why this must feel so alienating.

 

-Remi